Posted by:
Finally Free!
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Date: June 04, 2013 02:01PM
You are between a rock and a hard place.
Your Dad is Stake Pres, did I read that right? That means he's got a lot invested in the church. It also means that he, and your family, have put a lot of pressure on you to conform to the church's plan for you.
I'm sure you Dad is a great guy. He means well and is doing the best that he can. But he has been raised in an environment that won't let him see what's actually best for you, only what the church thinks is best for you (which is really what's best for the church). My father is the same, worked almost every day of his life to support 5 kids that he was always too tired to be around. Fortunately, our mother is a wonderful person who we could tell loves our father, so I don't quite have the parental issues that you face.
I'm 40 years old and I've often had the chance to look back at my life and wonder what I would tell my teenaged self if I had the chance. What changes would I make, what would make a difference. I won't ever have that chance, so I give what advice I have to you.
Love your parents. I know that's hard sometimes, and it will get harder as you start to take a different path than they have planned for you. This is inevitable. You will have arguments, you will have disagreements, but always try to love them. They mean well, but they have been taught that the church knows better than you ever could, with eternal consequences slapped on top.
Unfortunately, the church is not true. It's teachings are damaging and are designed to keep it's members in control and paying them their 10%. This is not your parents fault, place blame where it truly belongs.
Do not serve a mission, under any circumstances. You will be encouraged to leave as soon as you are out of High school, if you do not go, people will question why and rumors may spread, you are after all a Stake President's son (I was a High Council member's son). It will not be easy. Make any excuse you can... "I need more time" "I'm not ready to leave home just yet" "I want to get some college under my belt so I can get a feel for what it's like being on my own" anything, do not go.
The MTC even for a believer is torture, strict hours, constant learning sessions, conformity, conformity, conformity. I say this as someone who attended while being the biggest believer you could ever have met, I had read the BOM several times, could quote scripture and already had a head start on learning the discussions. As someone with questions it would be a nightmare. You would be a square peg being hammered into a round hole, not just pushed, but hammered until you broke. This sounds harsh, but its true.
Being out in the mission field will be worse. You will not have enough money for food. You will live in the worse apartments, often in the worst neighborhoods, just good enough to be considered "safe" but sometimes very questionable. You will be cut off from your parents, family and friends except for e-mails, once a week, for two whole years. The reason the church does this is to make you reliant on them for everything, they setup the Mission pres and his wife as your new mother and father, but even more than that, mother and father with a heavenly glow of godly appointment. Your personal allegiance changes to that of the church, rather than personal connections with family and friends. When I got home, I couldn't wait to move out since I no longer had the same ties with my family as I did before I left... Think about that.
Your Dad and your Bishop are probably good people, I've never met them, but I'll trust your judgement. You may hurt them by not going, but you have to be true to yourself. You have to figure out, for yourself, what is good for you. If you had children, wouldn't you want them to experience life? Wouldn't you want the best for them? It might hurt you if they made different decisions than what you wanted for them, but you would still love them and would still want the best for them. Give your parents the same opportunity... It won't be easy, and I can't promise that everything will work out, but I hope that it will for you.
I'll tell you a story... Late one night before a temple trip, to so baptisms for the dead. I had some pretty serious doubts. I worried about my worthiness to go to the temple. These were not minor issues, I had real questions about my worthiness. It was very late and my mom happened to be up. Coincidentally, ironing her temple clothes. I asked her about my worthiness and spelled out exactly why I was worried. She told me not to worry, that everything was OK, that it was normal, to go back to bed and not think on it again. That was a pivotal moment for me. I had two choices; follow my mother's advice, or be true to myself. I love my mother and she meant well with her advice, but she was wrong. Somewhere deep inside I knew she was, but I followed her advice anyway. If I had been true to myself, if I had listened to my inner voice that said "something's not right here", my life would have been completely different. I would not have gone on a mission. I don't know the direction it would have taken, but it would have been mine. Instead, I did go on a mission, I was in the church for 15 years after that before I was able to get to a place where I could clear my head again and realize who I am. By then it was traumatic, not that doing so as a teenager wouldn't be, but it wouldn't be so soaked with regret.
I hope that this advice helps, I hope that you can find what courage you need to make these decisions. Really, I can't tell you what to decide, I know it sounds like I have and I really do hope that you don't go on a mission, but ultimately, that decision rests with you and what you can handle. Feel free to bring your questions here, you'll get all kinds of answers, some helpful, some not. There is a lot of good support here, not matter what you decide.