It's been quite a while since I've posted on RfM but every now & then some issue comes up that I have to vent about, and this one just came at me yesterday.

Brief personal synopsis: I was raised Catholic, joined TSCC at 19, after 22 years of it finally wised up and got the hell out. Ex husband is TBM, his 2nd wife is TURBO TBM. Our daughter is 20, Berkeley student, very NOM, very feminist, very NOT Molly in any way. Our middle son just turned 16, our youngest son is almost 13.

So, to get to the point. Yesterday evening, my ex informs me that he enrolled our 16 year old in EFY at BYU. I told him I found it unacceptable that he would enroll our child in a weeklong out-of-state religious camp without my knowledge or consent. The high-handed arrogance and lack of boundaries is so ingrained in TBMs that he was literally taken aback by my pointing that out to him. I also told him that I had made some summer plans with our kids and that this conflicted with it, PLUS the fact that I don't agree with the hardcore indoctrination of the youth made it another no-go for me.
The discussion did get a little heated; I try to keep calm when dealing with Mormon-related issues, but when it comes to our family members, it's easy to get upset/emotional about it. Anyway, I told him that I'd look into the EFY program a bit more, since I know so little about it, but that I refused our son permission to go unless I approve it.

So, RfM'ers....what can you tell me about EFY at YBU? I checked out the website already: http://ce.byu.edu/yp/efy/

I'd appreciate some feedback from those who have had personal experience! And another important thing; I'm talking to my son and get his feelings on the matter. This is just another thing the youth are pressured to do, and this pisses me off almost as much as the new 18 year old missionary push.

EFY is major brainwash camp. I went against my will when I was 16 and came out of it a week later sooooo in love with the church. They use the same tools that always work with youth: dances, fun and really sappy inspirational talks and fake faith promoting stories to make you cry and believe. It is so bad. It is worth fighting with your ex to keep him out of there.

I have to second this. I wanted to go to EFY, but I was so sad to leave it that I cried for a week afterward. I also totally bought into the "Modest is hottest" BS for the first time - I didn't wear short shorts for another seven years, when I'd worn them guilt-free before. If you want your child totally indoctrinated not just in mormonism but the especially gross Utah version, then sure, send him to EFY.

I know virtually nothing about EFY except they really want to get Mormon youth bonded together any way they can for indoctrination purposes. I'll bet $ there will be plenty of missionary prep indoctrination if your son is 16 years old. And they can't wait to snag him at age 18 as a free missionary. Good luck with this. I agree your ex was WAY out of line. But what else is new about TBM's?

My son is there right now. I didn't want him to go but his grandparents offered to pay for it and father jumped all over that. :-(

Several factors to consider...who is custodial parent? Who is supposed to have visitation during this time? What does your divorce decree say on matters like this?

Since your ex is on his 2nd marriage, you two have been divorced a while. I would be very irate that he's doing this without your consent. Obviously you two have had to get along for a few years now, and this is a major power play on his part that seriously damages the cooperative relationship you two have had.

This EFY BS is not an option.

As a parent your duty is to your child.

If you allow this cult to brainwash him with obvious lies then you have failed as a parent.

If that sounds harsh then let me put it this way.

Would you allow your son to participate in a human sacrifice?

Drink goat's blood?

Fornicate with animals?

I didn't think so.

This cult is more wicked than any church of satan. At least the satanist are honest and don't lie about who they worship.

Mormons are the most evil cult to ever exist and they need to be ridiculed and spat upon.

EFY is nothing more than missionary prep. camp for boys.
Marriage prep. camp for girls.

They go to great extremes to paint the church as fun, cool, and oh so spiritual.

They are trying to set these kids up to miss having years of being single young adults. They don't want those in the mix. They want highschool, mission, family. No space to learn and grow into an adult. If you go to college, they want you to already have a family started.

They don't paint the picture of them setting the trap for the soon to be adults. Once they're adults, its pay, pray, and obey. You're miserable? Well what sin are you committing? Suddenly it's not fun anymore. You have a spouse and little kids. You could lose your family if you leave now.

And that's how they operate.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2013 05:04PM by mia.

I was an EFY counselor. It's 100% pure brainwashing.

You have every right to be angry. EFY was a nightmare.

Thanks everyone, for the responses. Yeah, this is pretty much what I expected to hear, and reinforces my decision to not let my son go. My ex and I have worked really hard to have a healthy relationship for the sake of the kids, and he can and does see reason, on those occasions when you can break through the TBM haze. Kids are primarily with me, but we live pretty close to each other so our time is shared as equally and equitably as possible. Ex just took a big step backwards with this one, and honestly, my son is pretty laid back, he won't mind not being there, although at this stage of the game he's still a believer. Ex and I divorced when I was still TBM myself, so raising the kids since I left TSCC has been a tricky path, for sure.

It's no surprise that the #1 concern is to keep the youth indoctrinated and in the fold, especially with the poor retention rates. I mean the kids on the EFY home page all look like junior missionaries! They get enough of that in their own wards; I can only imagine how over-the-top it is at Mormon Jesus Camp.

Does your son want to go to EFY?

Just curious, does your son go to church every Sunday or only on the Sundays when he is with his father?

Mr.Happy,
Son wasn't really that enthusiastic about it. He said he kind of wanted to go because it sounded good thanks to his dad & stepmom talking it up (dad never went, stepmom participated and had only good things to say about it, of course).
Son knows I value his thoughts and feelings, and he sounded relieved when I told him he didn't have to go.

As far as the kids going to church: I don't take them. They still want to attend, primarily because of their friendships in their dad & stepmom's ward, so they usually spend Sundays there and go to church. Those times when they stay with me the whole weekend, ex's TBM parents take the kids to the ward in our town. But the boys always ask me to pick them up early, and I do. 3 hours is just too long to endure. Once every so often they stay with me and don't go.

Adult TBM daughter just goes to Sacrament mtg, if she's visiting me on a Sunday, then she comes home too. She's a highly intelligent and self-confident young lady; she enjoys lively discussion and debate at Berkeley, but she can't seem to get through Relief Society in these family wards. I think she's starting to get an idea of why I didn't stick around.

You arise every morning at 6 on the clock else your counselor comes banging at your door waking you up. you eat a crappy breakfast and then it's off to your classes. 4, one hour long classes broken up by lunch. in the evenings there's either a dance, a talent show, a service project, or a devotional. the cult gives you all the warm and fuzzies packaged in a very digestable format. you put a bunch of vulnerable and hormonal teens together with a bunch of "cool" looking counselors for a week, it's an excellent tool. they even come home with a soundtrack! i was a sucker for it, hook line and sinker.

When my friends used to come back from EFY all they could do was brag and gush about how many guys asked them to dance. It was like a weird competition. I never heard about anything spiritual except when they bore their testimonies about it later. Hah.

In his mind, youre a woman...why should your opinion or consent matter?