Hello everyone. I'm new here, and I stumbled upon this site looking for some sort of help. I apologize if this is in the wrong place or if I do something wrong, but I don't have anywhere else to turn.

Ok, here it goes: I was raised Mormon. Baptized when I was 8, went to church quite a bit, went to youth group and all that jazz. My parents are devout Mormons (but to be honest, they're also very open-minded). However though, I've honestly never believed in the church. I've developed doubts, and they've only grown stronger over the years. One thing that's always bothered me was the intense restrictions: no coffee, no tea, absolutely no dating before 16 (and when you've started dating, they must be double or group dates. Or so I've always been told), etc. By around 13 or so I've grown to resent the church because it felt that they were trying to control my life. It felt like whenever I wanted to do something fun (that did NOT involve drugs, sex, or alcohol), it wasn't allowed. I also felt that they were intentionally trying to make church my life, like the only thing my life revolved around was church. I mean think about it: church for 3 hours on Sunday, early morning seminary study every weekday, youth group.

But then after that I started to resent the church even more. Every time I missed church, even if if was just ONCE, I would get a million texts or emails or whatever from church leaders asking me what happened and if everything was ok and why I wasn't there and they miss me and yadda yadda yadda. And days where I didn't feel up to going to youth group or whatever (like if I was "sick"), I'd get messages from leaders asking if I needed them to give me a ride over there, or even they'd be on their way to get me, without me even wanting to! What's the point of going when I have no interest or desire to go in the first place? What does that teach me?

Anyway, enough with the rambling. I'm still young, but I'm not young enough to not make my own decisions. I've read all of the things in the Mormon books/pamphlets/whatever, but I still don't believe in any of it. My dad has had a suspicion that I don't believe, and he came to talk to me about it a few months ago. I told him the painful truth that I don't believe in it anymore (painful because I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings). He said that its ok, that he's not mad at me and that he still and will always love me no matter what. He said he won't force me to go to church, but he will invite me occasionally (which I'm fine with, because it's easier to say no that way). My mom found out. She didn't take it as well as my dad did (she's gotten into arguments with me about it, which my dad doesn't like her doing). But she stills loves me and accepts me.

So my real problem here is, I haven't gone to church on a long time. I keep getting text messages from the leaders, and they won't leave me alone. The bishopric keeps sending me cards all the time, and only to me. One of the leaders was persistently texting me asking when she can come over to my house to talk to me. There were mormons my age who were in my class who've shamed and yelled at me in front of my friends because I don't go to church. and now, the leaders got me something, and they asked my dad to get my close friends and my boyfriend involved with it. I politely told him that I didn't want my friends involved (mostly because they wanted their contact information). But it turns out that they went behind my back and made my dad contact them on Facebook about it and got them involved with it. That is very creepy, unnerving, and definitely embarrassing.

So to all of you ex Mormons out there, I need your advice. I am being constantly harassed by people because I don't believe the same way they do. It's honestly gotten to the point where I'm scared to go out because they always tend to show up and cause a scene wherever I go. Has this happened to you? How do I get out of it? I want to leave it all. But I don't know what to do or where to go. Please help me.

Welcome, FoxyLizard. We're glad that you joined us. You don't have to worry about how you are posting -- you are doing just fine.

I'm a nevermo, but I can tell you that the behavior that you are describing would *not* be considered normal outside of the Mormon church. It would be considered intrusive and stalkerish.

I would tell your dad how the behaviors make you feel and ask him to intervene for you. I would also talk or text the church people directly and ask them to stop -- ask them if they are *trying* to chase you away, because if so, they are doing a very fine job of that.

The exmos on this board will have some great ideas for you. I just want you to know that you are very welcome here, and that you should feel free to post anytime at all.

Foxylizard, please talk to your dad and tell him this bad mormon behavior is hard for you to endure and it's making you want to avoid going to church more than ever. Ask if he will email or phone the bish and tell him that.

You could also write notes to the worst two or three offenders.

"Please stop sending these messages as they are making me all the more determined to avoid situations which incite this aggressive harassment. I would like to remind you of the eleventh article of faith which I believe."

I am so sorry you're having to put up with this bad behavior from adults and young people. It must feek terribly frustrating and intrusive.

Be as respectful of your parents as you can and follow the mormon rules until you're out on your own. You need their support to get through this trying time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/16/2013 07:51PM by Cheryl.

I feel so badly for you. It doesn't sound like you're yet 18. At 18, a legal adult, you can resign your membership from the church. USUALLY (and I emphasize that word because this is not a hard and fast rule) they leave you alone once you take that action.

But assuming you're under 18, what you need is some kind of advocate to help you communicate with these people. Are there any so called "Apostates" in your extended family that would rise to the occasion?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/16/2013 07:35PM by wine country girl.

when you are old enough to join at 8 years of age?

I would type up a resignation letter anyway and hand it to them and tell them you want no contact.

Also a private general message to all who contact you:

Don't post this to your facebook wall..

To all Mormon friends,

I am just letting you know that I no longer consider myself a Mormon. I have thoroughly investigated the Church and do not believe that JS is Prophet or that the “Church Priesthood” has some authority from God.

Please stop contacting me for the purpose of gaining “my participation and involvement with your club activities", I have other interests and plans and will not be making myself available for Mormon activities. Thanks, but no thanks. Additionally, please respect my decisions and boundaries and please don't plan to "love" me back to Church. I consider these contacts and invites intrusive, especially now that I am formally indicating that I am not interested.

PS, I am not misinformed or lost, nor have I been lead astray, I will however ask you to practice your 11th article of faith. We claim the privilege of worshiping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where or what they may.

Also, please don’t make assumptions about this situation, I am not “too lazy to live church standards, I am not “sinning” or any other spin that Mormons put on people who are uninterested in belonging to their organization. I will not bring up all the unsavory history of the Church and challenge your belief system and expect that you will not make me the subject of speculation as to what “sin” lead me away from the “Church”.

Thanks,
xxxxxx

Kids don't really choose to be baptised, their parents do it for them. (In fact, custodial parents needs to give approval first.) Or consider the other side.... even if a kid "likes" being mormon, the parents could still have the kid resigned if they decide to jump ship.

The child can do/undo those parental decisions when s/he turns 18.

Yes, welcome!! And now you know where the word cult comes in. Part of what makes leaving Mormonism difficult is the social
pressure to stay in. It's hard to swim upstream with so many friends, family members, and neighbors trying to turn you around. This is very typical pressure because it usually works really well. Another way they may try to keep you in is to give you a calling, again because you have been trained to accept whatever is asked. Keep saying no! These people only have power over your life if you give them power. Seems like continuing conversations with your dad can be very helpful. Continue to visit here, too. There is a lot of support here for you!

Change your profile pic on Facebook to a marriage equality symbol. :). It's fun to see what happens.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/16/2013 07:50PM by snuckafoodberry.

When I was a teenager being forced to participate in the Embarrassing Weirdo Stick Out Like a Sore Thumb Club, adults who weren't your parents glommed onto you at church, like normal embarrassing weirdos. Why is it suddenly OK to contact other people's kids directly?

FoxyLizard, have you tried telling your parents how you feel about this? It's really kind of creepy.

It is inappropriate for adults to be contacting you on social media and your cell phone. Tell your Father that it makes you very uncomfortable, and ask him to make them stop.

Otherwise, block the numbers of the adults who are harassing you.

Welcome! Great to have you here!!

+1. Tell dad you feel like its time to call the police on this.

Then see what happens.

I would wait to block them until after you've built up a good collection to be used later, should you decide legal action is necessary.

sonoma Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It is inappropriate for adults to be contacting
> you on social media and your cell phone. Tell your
> Father that it makes you very uncomfortable, and
> ask him to make them stop.
>
> Otherwise, block the numbers of the adults who are
> harassing you.
>
> Welcome! Great to have you here!!

Bullying is what is happening. I can only assume you are still under the age of 18. It sounds like you have some support from your parents. I'm the mom of children that were bullied by the cult. It got bad. My son had to change schools. My girls tried to be tough and are just now telling all that was said and done to them. I wish they had told me everything that happened at the time it happened. We were trying to be active at the time, we were just outsiders, not from Utah, there are "real" people in this world but the society in Utah is disfunctional on a good day. We were able to leave there. Some day you can too. Just keep talking to your parents, their love for you is real and unconditional.

Keep in touch.

My girls tried to be tough and are just now telling all that was said and done to them. I wish they had told me everything that happened at the time it happened. We were trying to be active at the time, we were just outsiders, not from Utah, there are "real" people in this world but the society in Utah is disfunctional on a good day

Ex'd, that was our experience, exactly. We moved to Salt Lake from out-of-state. We were "Christian" Mormons, more liberal than the Utah Mormons, but were good TBM's nonetheless. Also, we were a divorced family. My children were threatened not to tell about the abuse from their Mormon leaders. The bishop's son, who was EQ president, tried to molest my 11-year-old girl, while she slept in her sleeping bag at a church campout. There were witnesses, when my daughter screamed--yet no one told. My children told me all their experiences, all at once, and we cried. I told them that they never had to go to that church ever again, and we all resigned together.

A minor can resign along with a parent. All my kids had to do was sign the letter.

Who's rules are these, anyway? People can freely walk away from other church, with no explanation. Mormons have no authority from God. It is just a made-up cult. A Mormon baptism means nothing. We all got re-baptized in a Christian church. Mormon rules for resigning mean nothing. You are free, and you don't know it. This is America.

Some possible approaches:

1) Talk to your dad and ask him to talk to them for you. Ask him to let them know that by pressuring and harassing you they are just pushing you further away.

2) Bring up difficult questions. If they are worried you may hurt the other youth's testimonies they will leave you alone. You could even say that - if they continue to bother you tell them that you are going to come and then ask questions about when Joseph Smith married women whose husbands he had sent on missions and why Joseph Smith married live in house maids for Emma Smith. This are things that maybe they don't want the other youth exposed to so maybe they should leave you alone.

3) Send them this and ask for answers - tell them that once they have answered these concerns that you will consider coming but not before: http://www.mormonthink.com/personalstories/A_Letter_to_a_CES_Director.pdf

4) Firmly tell them that you do not believe it, that you don't want to be harassed and want to be left alone - probably easiest to do via text.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/17/2013 09:45AM by The Oncoming Storm - bc.

I would tell your parents that you don't feel "loved" you feel harassed and ask them to do what they can. Point out that this is making you really resent "the church." Let them know that if they don't help you stop this nicely, you will eventually get angry and you are afraid you'll say something offensive. My parents stopped people from harassing me about not attending seminary very effectively. Hope yours will come through. If they don't, you'll have to send short, clear but polite messages back to these people asking them not to contact you. In any other context adults texting and face booking teen girls would be considered really inappropriate!

Delete the emails without reading them. Don't respond to the texts no matter what. When they attack in public, yell as loud as you can "FUCK OFF AND DIE." That should do it.

WELCOME! You dont need to apologise for a thing THIS IS EXACTLY the place to be! Im so sorry you have to put up w/that stuff.Its outragous! But saddly its not unusual for them. The others are right;go to your parents first & asks them to intervene.If they are as understanding as u say they should put a stop to it. Save the texts to show them! If you can get a copy of it in print to document the number & nature of the harrassment. ABOVE ALL KEEP YOUR COOL!! STUDY the church history.Theres alot most dont know

The Family Law department might be the right place. Read the application. Then when you receive unwanted communication from TBMs trying to influence you against your will, you could reply as follows:

"Please leave me alone and stop harrassing me. I have an application for a RESTRAINING ORDER in my possession. Please do not force me to use it to make you stop."

You have already discovered that THESE PEOPLE do not listen to polite and reasonable requests to leave you alone. It may be time for the next step.

Scare the crap out of them.

It might work. You could also contact an attorney who offers a free consultation and find out what else you can do to protect yourself from unwanted harrassment. (Make sure the attorney is not LDS.)

It sounds like you have your dad on your side. I'd enlist his help to call off the attack dogs. Everything that comes in the mail, mark return to sender without opening it. Every.single.thing. Make sure you tell your non LDS friends that if the Mormons contact them to not go along with any schemes. Tell them about all of the crazy things the Mormons are doing to try to capture you and explain that it's the same thing that cults do.

Good luck, and let us know how it's going.

For now, put a block on ANYONE who is harassing you via email or Facebook. Block them from calling your mobile phone. If they create a scene at school or elsewhere ignore it. YOU are the one that knows the truth and many of those folks one day will realize it too. You might be a resource for those "enemies" one day to help them out. You also might get several apologizes down the road too.

As others have said, ask your father to intervene. Tell him that because of the harassment not only do you not believe, but you are starting to full out HATE the church because of their actions and never want to set foot in a ward building again....invited or not.

Good luck. Keep in touch. You have come to the right place and you are not wrong in your disbelief. You are wise beyond your years for figuring it out so early in life.

Many of us wish we had done so at your age. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. Hang in there.....it gets better.

Mormons don't realize that they turn people into "Anti-Mormons" by harassing them. Plenty of people who leave Mormonism would love to leave the church alone, but it's the church who won't leave them alone. I think it's time to unfriend and block anyone who is harassing you on Facebook, and block them from e-mailing you as well.

FoxyLizard,
You have to dig deep and be strong from within. Be real strong. There is not one person here that would not support you. We are all with you in our hearts.

There is unfortunately no magic solution here. The church is not going to change. The behavior will continue toward you until you stop it. It will likely not be pleasant.

I always tell myself "You can't get out of a controlling manipulative cult without pissing a few people off and burning a few bridges."

Let the offending begin.

Just remember, it is your life and you have to take control and take it in the direction you want to take it.

If you stopped belonging to a group because you don't believe or agree with what they do, you generally limit contact and move on to other things. It is just this cult won't take no for an answer. They are so desperate to keep you. They need you. You don't need them. This is what so many people are attracted to, someone needed them. They need your time and money. They need your future children. They need you to reinforce their beliefs and make themselves feel good about themselves. They don't have the ability to just let it go. There is only one answer to them and it is the church.

Be strong and realize that you have the ability and right to choose what is best for you. Normal people realize this and give you space. Morgbots don't realize this and will continue their normal controlling behavior.

You may make a few errors along your path, as does everyone. No one is perfect and you are not expected to be. That is one thing that has been hard to do, as I was raised in the church and you are expected to be perfect or at least pretend to be.

I tell people who give me advice, "I have received a lot of good advice in my life and ignored most of it. I am not likely to change now."

Be yourself. Embrace yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Make your self strong mentally and emotionally. Don't linger on the past. Try and forget and move on and time will heal many wounds.

sincerely,
redpill- exmormon, 42 yrs old, 8+ yrs out of church, 5 children, still married to my exmormon wife. All of my children saved from the clutches of the church.

Stick to your guns, foxy. I started the battle at twelve years of age, and I have a lot of psychological scars to show for it. No regrets.