By a very bizarre turn of events I had been an inactive member in the church and married to a very non-religious wife. But in a weird turn of events seemingly overnight after returning from a deployment there are missionaries over almost nightly, wife and kids are baptized and being the head of household felt the all too familiar pressure to become active again.

My inactivity was obviously before the internet, I had no reason to research, I was inactive. Just doing, ironically enough I was looking into church related topics to bring myself back up to speed on teachings and the very first return on my goggle search what this site.

I face death as a matter of course daily as a soldier and after two days here (obviously incognito to the family) I am literally shaking making this post and no idea what to do.

I am getting hit by the Bishop for the let’s get the so how much have you been sinning during your inactivity interview started (premarital sex, tattoos, drinking, smoking can we say pretty much ever non-Mormon thing possible) Wife pushing for it because clearly there can be all consuming important temple recommend till I start this process.

Now finding out just HOW much info the church compiles, my wife told me about where I left off, my member number, what level of the priesthood I left off at, and that again, reiterated I needed to do the interview so our family can be in line with everyone else in the ward.

I guess to wrap up for now I made this post with the intent of asking other forum members that have had similar situation to post replies, I dodge bullets and roadside bombs and have never felt as lost and fearful as I am right now and I can't even really put it into words or express exactly why.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2013 04:07PM by arbrndad.

Well, O/T, thank very much for your service. I hope that besides church problems everything will go well for you now that you are home again. God bless you, or Zeus or whatever!

Humm...this may sound a bit insensative. You don't need to get bullied into church activity. Like international relations, there are negotiations and compromises that can be made. So your wife is hot to trot on the Mormon church. OK, you could tell her that is OK, but all you want to do is go to church and not do the temple thing, which would involve you getting a temple recommend and paying your club dues, I mean tithing. You don't want to throw away money to a real estate development company! So that is one compromise, no temple attendance, just go to church once a month say, to keep "peace" in the family.

Anyway, you can try something like that. I'm doing that. A little church, no tithing. I used to pay for years, it doesn't deliver any "blessings". I can tell you that for sure.

It's a LOT to take in. Like I said when I was active there was no easy way to research, every mouse click I am running into things that are 100% opposite of everything I was brought up on in the church before I went inactive. I mean I was literally looking stuff up trying to get back up to speed so I could be back in line with the Church views, as in I was seriously looking into coming back into the fold. Now I feel physically ill.

You are not alone... many of us felt pretty ill about it at first, me included. It's like a fever - you have to let it run its course. You're still in the horrible 'discovery' phase, where it is dawning on you that the entire thing is a fraud. After you process that information, comes the 'existential crisis' phase, you are processing what this information means. If JS isn't a prophet, have there been any prophets? If I don't believe in this version of God, do I believe in any gods? If I'm not planning on going to the celestial kingdom when I die, is there any such thing as heaven?

All that leads to even more inconvenient questions like: what is my purpose in life? If I'm not following the mormon script, what possibilities are there that I haven't considered?

After that, I don't know, because I'm deeply mired in my own existential crisis at the moment...

It sucks, but you know what? The truth will set you free. I think this is all going to lead to some really great things for me and my life. (Meanwhile, I'm running out of personal days at work.)

I wish that you had the luxury of dealing with this on your own, and I'm really sorry to hear that you have the huge complications of spouse and family on this journey. Best of luck! Keep us posted.

Does it help to know they only have the authority you are willing to give them?
Wife and kids pressuring you is a different matter than a supposed ward leader. I avoid my family of origin for exactly this reason. :(

They have been disappointed in your current status for quite a while, it sounds like. I'd keep the status quo as is for now... It can be a bombshell to drop the truth on believers. Read, read, and read some more! I found the anxiety diminished the more I acquainted myself with the facts, and you'll want to be calm when and if you share what you decide.

Not that I encourage anyone to keep their kids in that institution, you'll have to work out for yourself what your plan of action will be.

Sorry man, thats a real kick in the balls to come home to. One thing that may help is if you look at it from your wifes point of view. Your wife had certainly been carrying a large burden with your deployments. Pysically and emotionally its probably been hell on her. This has made her absolutely ripe for the mormon church. They are offering her both some real world support through church assigned "friendships" and also an all-knowing, all-loving invisible friend. You may want to consider steering her to some other religion or organization that provides spousal support for familes of delployed soldiers. because the help of the mormon church will likely disappear after they think they have you all sucked in. She will likely be left to fend for herself during the next deployment.

Find out what she's getting out of the church and find a good replacement.

DO NOT talk about any past so called sins in an interview. Avoid the interview if you can.

Anything you say or confess to is NOT confidential. Not only that, but it goes into a file and they will hold it against you for the rest of your life. As you know, they will also think up some humiliating punishment for you. They have no problem with humiliating people in front of their own kids and spouse.

Admit to nothing. It's none of their business. You'll just have to trust that I know what i'm talking about. They almost destroyed me and my family. I'm out now, and will never go back.

Your private life is YOUR business. The guy in the neighborhood
who was called to be Bishop for now has no business asking you
to discuss your private life with him.

Your finances are YOUR business. How much money you make and
how you spend it is none of the Church's business.

The tragedy is that the cult had basically kidnapped your family
and is not going to give them back. They hope that you will at
least give YOUR life over to them just to be able to spend some
time with your family.

I would suggest you and your wife study together the following (in that order) 3 websites which clearly debunk Mormonism (in the following order:

http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm

http://mormonthink.com/personalstories/A_Letter_to_a_CES_Director.pdf

www.mormonthink.com

I'm an RM but unintentionally studied my way out of the church. I am now as fully confident that Mormonism is man-made as I am about Islam, Hinduism or for that matter Santa Claus.

You will feel a lot better about life and live in peace and be free from the guilt and fear of God's wrath if you make yourself well informed. Good luck. And don't let the Mormons scare you or your wife out of reading so called "anti-Mormon" websites, as that is what brainwashed cult members do. If the church is true then there should be no fear of reading anything anything critical of it.

Listen up trooper! Be a man and stand tall here.

Next, you know your wife better than anyone else. So if, and only IF you jump through all the hoops and do get that TR from the bishop... Now looking through your wife's eyes, how do you think she is going to react to the temple ceremony?

You know how whacky this so called church is. It is in your power to show her and steer her and your family to a better alternative.

You got your assignment now. Fall out and report upon completion.

Tricky. Still, do not give the bishop any power over you. Just tell him that you have no intention of talking to him about any of that. He may threaten you with stuff, but his power is all make-believe unless you give him some of your own accord. What you may have done in the past and for that matter, what you or your family are doing right now, is none of his concern. Mormons are a nosy group that wants to know everything, and even discusses you behind your back. On Sunday mornings you have already been the subject of Priesthood Executive Committee meetings, and those present likely went home and discussed your situation with their nosy wives, who then discussed it totally outside of channels.

If they do insist on "preparing" you for the temple, you have to know right now that it will involve no preparation whatsoever, and they will blind-side you with weird stuff when you go through your endowment session. So we can prep you on what will go on and what questions to ask when they are supposedly "preparing" you for the temple. It is best that your wife know the details, too, before you all get there and are surprised at the cult stuff.

We have hundreds of years of church leadership between all of us here, and we have all left for many different reasons. In fact, no one ever quite leaves for the very same reason as anyone else. We are here to help and see you through this, so ask us stuff.

Good luck with it. Glad you're home. I got to serve in the region, too, but never had to carry a weapon, something that I'm happy about. Take care of yourself.

c

I was a soldier too ... Time to man up brother. Remember -- the church is not in your chain of command and they don't cut your paycheck. Ignore them.

I was a Navy wife. Husband retired last year. I know that during those long absences I would almost have a breakdown because of all the stress. Not only are you a single parent, but there was not one day I was begging God to please bring my husband home. That breeds the perfect environment for a cult to come in and do their sweet talking. Please let your wife read my post. She needs to know that the Mormon church is a bonified cult. I have absolutely NO DOUBT. I am a returned missionary, served in RS Presidencies, and in the Temple. I was sealed in the Temple to my husband. I spent hours studying the doctrines of the church while I was a missionary and a couple of years ago I really wanted to do what my mission president had taught me. I wanted my husband and I to have our calling and election made sure. Otherwise know as a second anointing. I Googled how to go about doing this. That lead me to finding out more of the history of the church than I was ever taught in my whole life. I did not read any anti mormon stuff until AFTER I resigned. There is so much to learn. It will be fascinating to sit down together and learn all about the true history of the church and not what she was taught. I would encourage you to read through "Mormon Think" and also read many books written by historians of the church. I would do this before she has spent years invested in it and then finds out later. It will crush her soul just as it is affecting your own right now. Thankfully my husband followed me out a year later. We are so much better now without the church than we were in it. We actually have that true peace and happiness that they always tried to convince us we needed with the church. Please be loving and patient with your wife. She can come on here and ask questions and ask us anything she would like.

First, I am so grateful for your commitment and service to your country. You (and your family) have made great sacrifices. Thank you!

Freedom of religion, including freedom from religion, is guaranteed to us by our Bill of Rights. Generations of Americans have fought to defend that freedom.

Don't let it be taken from you. Follow the dictates of your own conscience.

I wish you well.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2013 11:13PM by ellenl.

The first problem is that they will simply say or act like your reluctance is just an unwillingness to "repent". Even if you told them you found out about problems with the church, Mormons see that as a sign of sin in itself.

Some of it depends on where your wife is. My wife is a full-believer and doesn't listen to anything I say about church. She sneers at my reasoning and I quit trying a long time ago. She buys books about how to rehabilitate me. In other words I can't talk to her. I don't know where your wife is on listening to your findings...just beware...because the church has canned "answers" which are bogus and fallacious, but by using circular reasoning (a foregone conclusion the church is true, then reverse-engineering premises that fit the conclusion, the exact opposite of logic)...they make YOU look like the nut.

In other words, anything you say can and will be used against you. Don't tell the bishop ANYTHING. He's the worst one to tell because he'll use your wife to control you. They already are.

So your situation IMO all depends on whether your wife will listen to your findings and consider them. If she's already hooked then you need to be wary of even trying to tell her because she'll see YOU through the goggles of mormonism, as a dead-beat fool and a drag on her and the kids' eternal welfare. You might be in for a long cold-war stand-off like I've been having with my wife for 5 years now.

I'm in the army too and honesty it helps a lot with just basic respect. They know I'm not a coward or a deadbeat, that I have had intense experiences, major accomplishments, and they seem to leave that alone.
Teens and young adults have it worse with respect when they balk at Mormonism because the church just treats them like...children. It helps to be older and have experience that at least church leaders have pause about.
Just continue to be yourself and have self-respect. Mormonism insidiously and ironically takes away your self-respect. Consider their insults beneath your dignity like you would any other loser who pretends to insult you. It just bounces off if you know they're just...wrong.

+10.

amos2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Some of it depends on where your wife is. My wife
> is a full-believer and doesn't listen to anything
> I say about church. She sneers at my reasoning and
> I quit trying a long time ago. She buys books
> about how to rehabilitate me. In other words I
> can't talk to her.

> You might be in for a long
> cold-war stand-off like I've been having with my
> wife for 5 years now.

The fact that the Church pits family members against each other
is one of its more insidious, cultish aspects. The claim is
that the Church is "pro-family." That is false. It is in
favor of using the family for the benefit of the Church. That
is the totality of it's "family oriented" status.

If you are an active Mormon you will be expected to groom your
kids to be total Mormons--sons go on missions, kids have
"worthiness" interviews, Temple marriage etc.

Mormonism is an obedience cult masquerading as a religion.
NOTHING matters in Mormonism except what the leaders say.
Even if it contradicts the scriptures (which it often does)
unquestioned obedience to the leaders is the backbone of
Mormonism.

Thank you all for the input. Mindi hit it on the head with the phase thing I think. I bookmarked the sites suggested and I am still eyeballs deep reading.

I have no intentions of doing the interview with the Bishop. The fact that I found out all the info kept, just what I had access to myself with my member number I can only imagine what the leadership has access to.

I will keep you all posted and please by all means keep giving me feedback

That's B.S., in my opinion, that the church seems to have swooped in on your DW while you were stationed overseas, and tagged her at a very vulnerable time of her life.

They're nothing better than slimy used car salesmen, in my opinion. They are scum for preying on your wife while you were away.

There's so much information on the church out there, Joseph Smith having sex with underage girls, other mens wives, non-existant DNA evidence supporting the BOM, blacks, marginalizing women, etc., etc., etc. Please study what's out there, and if able, help your wife to see what's out there as well.

I'm sure you and your wife are dealing with a different dynamic, now that you're home. I'm sure she's dealing with that HUGE adjustment, in addition to everything else she's dealing with emotionally (thanks to the church). If you can help her see all the facts, but in a loving way, and with patience, things might go your way yet...

They took advantage of your wife while she was in a vulnerable state. Who does that?

Now they are using her to get to you. It sounds dramatic and Hollywoodish, but trust those of us who have lost marriages and children to the cult, it is exactly what they do best.

Know your enemy. They operate with a smile on their face and while many truly believe they are doing what's best for you (I did), the bottomline is, they want to make you obey.

Best of luck figuring out the right approach for your situation. Can you work a PCS right now, maybe back to an area where your wife has other support besides her new church "family"? The sooner you remove her from their clutches, the better, but you have to do it in a way that won't drive her deeper into their arms.

Keep fighting!

Oh yeah: Put the brakes on those missionary visits right away. Avoid setting appts and get up and leave with your family to dinner or the movies if they show up unexpectedly (which they will). The only visit to keep the new convert coming to church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/20/2013 05:19PM by iflewover.

Yes, she was a golden contact. They are trained to target people who have been "humbled" by death, housing transition, job loss, etc, and separation from you left her vulnerable.
Predator and prey.
I'm really very sorry at both the shock to you from finding the facts, and also that such a meddling BUSINESS has dared to involve itself in your marriage. :(

I'm seriously freaked out by how much info the church keeps/has/tracks on members. The more I dig the more comes to light on this. It freaks me out because of my job and I am so security minded it's like unearthing my own version of the flippin NSA review board going on. \

Turns out the missionaries where we live zeroed in to come talk to my wife from records of an older drop in visit from my last duty station (Iturned them down and said my wife is not into religeon, which was true at the time and that I was no longer active) Somehow that translated into me getting into/onto the radar when we bought a house and they tracked us down, how in the hell??????

I was married to an officer in the Navy/SEAL for 20 years. I married him because he was an intelligent talented man. He was not mormon, I was BIC but made inactive by the TBMs when I was ten years old. (a whole other story) I came from shopping one day to the missionaries giving him lessons. I was angry and confused as to why he was doing this, He knew how I felt about the cult. He chose to become baptized. I refused to attend. After two years I conceded just to keep peace and keep the marriage together, I started attending.

I understand as a wife to a military memember how hard it is. As a wife you feel abandonded while your spouse is off seeing the world. I had the children and the bills. He had the world and was just having a good time while deployed. Right.... His life was in danger, his work was not something we could talk about at the end of the day, and sometimes that day was several months long. I know she is lonely, She sleeps in your empty bed night after night. The emptyness there should just be an abess. Then there is the fear of you never coming home.

Then there is you. Deployed. Sent to hell. You just as well be on another planet. The gap in your heart is like a vacuum needing to be filled. A black hole of loneliness and fears.

These memories come in a flood. How can I help you? How can I help her? I understand her better then you. I was told that if the Navy really wanted my husband to have a wife they would issue one. That made me angry. What did I want and need? I needed another adult at the end of the day. I made friends with other Navy wives. I filled the loneliness with doing for others, I became the ombudsmen for the Navy. It provided the needed break from the demands of children. It gave me understanding of what the service members were going through and oppertunity to be with other wives. I did attend the cult meetings when he was gone, didn't like it, neither did our children.

Our marriage ended because of out differences about the cult. I regret that I compromised I could write for a long time about this. But the end for our marriage was the difference affects on each of us by the cult. I had been treated badly by them as a child, I had no trust in them. I had learned something different about it early in life. I regret that I did not stand for my beliefs the first day the missionaies were in our home. Religion is a big choice to make in a relationship. Both of you should agree. Educate her about the truth of the cult. But first come to a truce that neither one well become a member until both of you agree. Do not compromise if you know differently.

Well update.

I have been glued to the info forum members have shared, ythis and mormon think are the big ones.

So far she's sticking to her, they advise to stay off researching google, only LDS sites blah blah blah. Well no shite!! I found the endowment stuff last night and about had my head explode! I use to have going to temple my end all be all goal, it was one of my reactivation goals, now I'm like well shite I'll just go to a masonic lodge and I'm good to go!

So far the wife is not arguing/fighting about it because I am still "finding my way back" so all the research is being "indulged" but I am skipping SM and what not because I told her flat out putting me inside the meeting house is a bad idea right now as I think I would have a meltdown with the Bishop/Stake President asking all the questions screaming through my head right now.

Tell DW that you'll attend SM, if she'll begin reading some of the material you've been reading.

Mormons always claim that truth can be found anywhere, and that the truth doesn't have to hide. So if it's all "internet crap", as it's dismissively referred to by morgites, then there's no worries about your wife looking at it, because she'll quickly see through the "anti" lies.

I referred to this document yesterday, and am going to do it again:

http://mormonthink.com/personalstories/A_Letter_to_a_CES_Director.pdf

This might be a good start for your wife, if she's willing. You go to SM, she reads some of the things you've been reading, and honestly evaluates them in her head. Who knows, it might help.

And I'm going to say it again: The bishoprick, et al, are jackholes for preying on your wife while you were stationed overseas. What a bunch of cowardly wormtongues.

Hi. I am hoping all the best for you. This can be a very difficult situation when family is involved.

I would recommend a youtube video that I think is helpful. It is called Why People Leave the LDS Church. It is non confrontational and explains the problems. Check it out if you want.

Best wishes. We're all in this together.

the sick feeling as you discover the deception is pretty typical,

I hope you can share what you have learned with your wife, but members are taught to fear anything that might disrupt their testimony so she may not be that receptive, I like the idea of trade off, if you go to church and she reads some of the real history.

get her the book rough stone rolling that exposes some of the stuff that is typically hidden and the church doesn't think its bad.

Your wife was vulnerable, so Mormons targeted her and love-bombed her into joining.
That's how all cults operate.
And now the cult demands are starting.

The Mormon "church" is always looking for obedient new recruits who will pay tithes and give them free work, on top of breeding new members.

In return, all the members get is some fuzzy promise of Salvation after death.

Get the picture?
The Mormon church sells snake oil from the old West to people who are emotionally vulnerable.

Well I rolled out the trade off proposal since she was freaking out that I quit going to the SM. I told her it was because all this was and is A LOT to take in and I was trying to to this tactufully and to be honest I didn't want to drop a piano on her head and rip her guts out which is what I feel like happened to me with what I am relearning. I told her if she started out by looking at one thread on MormonThink I would attend a SM. She said she'd think about it which translated to I'll talk to the Bishop and have him call.

Well suffice to say my initial gut wrenching sickness I felt when I started my thread is gone and I'm able to shake it off because I am far from a sheep, I'm a damn wolf, and the phone call did not go as the Bishop planned because I think telling someone they are just being weak, are fearful and such might work on some but telling a door kicker those things, well it was the needed kick to the arse I needed to quit beating around the bush

I told him that as a head of household and at the basic heart of the "Church" the simple fact that this progressed while I was out of the picture, and thery KNEW I was deployed, clearly they knew I was at one point very active, that ANY serious progression with my family should have waited till I was home let alone fricking baptizing my whole family. That I wasn't fearful or being weak, I kindly reminded him that I shoot people in the face for a living, that I was an intelligent adult who came across information that made me THINK and analize a chosen path, being it was MY families eternity in question I would be negligent would I not if I was not researcing like I am. I ended with letting him know that anything else would be bewteen myself and my wife and that if I wanted "guidance" I would let him know.

It was a late call and the misus was asleep because of an early day so not sure how this will play out today. Now I'm just pissed and not sure how to preceed with the family.

I would forbid your children from going to church! They will be brainwashed! I did that with my husband. He didn't have a choice. I know it sounds harsh, but if this were an honest "church" it would not have been a problem. This so called church is a cult. Nothing more. It is lying to its members and has already brainwashed your wife. Just sit your wife down and together go through this information right now.