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Posted by: perceptual ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 01:51PM
Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

Pull out a 5x7 card, that on the front says:

Heaven is right here on Earth. This is all you need.

(Open card)

A beautiful woman.

(topless pic of Erica Campbell)

Now go and find one.
(or be one)

Is it illegal to show adults nude pics?

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Posted by: sherlock ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 03:10PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

Just tell them you're an apostate and remind them of one of the temple recommend questions.

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Posted by: Joy ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 04:05PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

Sherlock, I will use this to end unwanted Mormon "friendships", such as the VT that won't give up, the TBM neighbor who accosts me in my front yard while I'm doing yard work, the nosey TBM's that ask personal questions, and the rude Mormons who keep telling me to read the BOM.

I will remind them of the "don't associate with any apostates or apostate groups" rule, and tell them "It's for your own good. I'm only thinking of you and your salvation."

After all, that's what they tell us, right?

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Posted by: perceptual ( )
Date: June 23, 2013 02:28PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

I don't even know what temple recommend question is... they're not supposed to associate with apostates? I guess that would explain why this girl hardly calls me anymore after I told her I didn't like religion...

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Posted by: Carrots Tomatoes and Radishes ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 03:21PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

I would research the legality of it first

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Posted by: rachel1 ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 04:42PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

We have a sign in our front window that says "Goddess Bless Our Happy Home" with a pentacle on it. Pretty much keeps everybody away.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 04:45PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

perceptual Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Pull out a 5x7 card, that on the front says:
>
> Heaven is right here on Earth. This is all you
> need.
>
> (Open card)
>
> A beautiful woman.
>
> (topless pic of Erica Campbell)
>
> Now go and find one.
> (or be one)
>
> Is it illegal to show adults nude pics?

Yes, probably.

My wife has something that works: "She looks at them and says: "Gosh, Elder. I bet you look real cute in your garmies!"

They leave. Every time.

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 04:52PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

Since I'm a 61 year old male, it would probably work most times if I said, "Come in! You must be here to have sex with me!"

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Posted by: Cowardly lion ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 04:59PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

LOLOL!!!

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Posted by: mrsostrike ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 05:04PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

HAHAHAHAHA

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Posted by: Mormon Observer ( )
Date: June 22, 2013 05:22PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

But I'd feel undignified if I told them: "I am from Nevada, but I'm retired now. I don't run an escort service anymore, but I can put you in touch with some good ones in Vegas....did you want to work as an escort or hire an escort? Male or Female preferred? Or both?"

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Posted by: perceptual ( )
Date: June 23, 2013 02:29PM
Re: Hilarious way to get missionaries off your doorstep

Alright, I'll guess I'll show them a covered pic.

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