Last night I got a call from a good friend (of about 8 years) from work. He is in the hospital for mental health - again, but this time because of a suicide attempt.

Last night while talking to him I was kind of in shock, obviously glad that he is still alive, and sad because he seemed to have been doing a lot better with counseling and some medication, and of course I feel like I should have seen it coming.

I've sadly had quite a few personal experiences with suicide (mostly family of close friends), but this is the first time it's been an unsuccessful attempt (I guess that I know of) and I'm having a hard time dealing with my feelings. Usually you go through all the feelings but there is no one there to direct them at, so you deal with them and move on.

When I see him for the first time I first want to punch him, then hug him for a while and cry. Is that ok? Is it wrong to show them your anger at any point after something like this? I just don't even know what to do, or not do...

I posted this before and know what he might be going through.

I wondered what is more selfish. For someone in pain to take their own life, or for their friends and family to want them to endure that pain just for the pleasure of their company.

I have thought of the end but never acted on it. I hope he gets help as I try to tuff it out - no insurance.

Things do get better but Im still in a crappy place.

Anon2day, is there someplace in your area that offers some sort of mental health help based on income? I know they have mental health clinics in my area, however, they are hard to get into,as many need the help and waiting times can sometimes be long. I am sorry for your situation. Depression sux and so does not having the insurance to pay for the help you need!

For the record, I don't think it's fair to say that those who take their own lives are selfish. That's just my opinion.

I think they face the unknown with courage and determination.

I tried to kill myself a year ago. It was an impulsive decision and luckily I wasn't successful.

Yes, I had several friends slap me and then hug me. I deserved it for doing something stupid. Maybe your friend needs to know that you care about him, and at the same time know that you don't appreciate his stupidity. A true friend will let you know when you've disappointed them, and love you anyway. He needs to know that his suicide would have created lots of victims, not just him.

So don't flame me for giving my opinion. I was there one year ago, and I know what I'm talking about.

You should talk to a therapist about this if you have one handy. I had a friend who was engaging in parasuicidal behavior once every few months at least.

My therapist's advice to me with this particular friend was to not avoid the issue but to communicate directly about how angry and/or upset it would make me feel if he killed himself. Because he was confiding in me more than his own therapist at the time, she said to get him to promise to contact me if he thought he might go through with it.

This was a scary conversation to have with my friend, but I agree in retrospect that it was a healthy way to approach it. It's not good for you to bottle up your feelings in some desperate effort to get the person to choose life over suicide. It's their decision to make and knowing how they would impact those around them might be a useful data point....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2013 05:18PM by Inverso.

Bezoar I love your name and hope you haven't had any.

Kolobian: I think suicide is very selfish. Your loved one is gone, you don't know why. Could I have done something more? What did I miss? Why? It will never be resolved for me and family members. You grieve them forever. It feels like a major failure in my life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2013 08:19PM by laurel.

I've been depressed to the point of feeling suicidal. I never seriously acted on my feelings, but after having felt that way, I don't feel like I should judge people who are so depressed that they are on the brink of suicide. Healthy people see suicide as "selfish", but they don't understand that many suicidal people often feel like the world would be better off without them in it. They often feel like a burden to others. I know when I was depressed, I felt paralyzed and like a failure and a disappointment. There were, no doubt, people in my life who loved me and wouldn't want me to die. If I had died by my own hand, they would have been sad and angry. I never heard from them, though... and I didn't feel like I could reach out to them.

So yeah, I understand that people who are left behind after suicide are angry and sad and feel slighted, but they should understand that suicide is not at all about them. People who are seriously depressed don't think or look at life the way people who are not depressed do. Depression is painful and exhausting. A person who is driven to the point of seriously considering suicide is, ironically, actually probably feeling better because they have the energy to take action where before they just felt paralyzed and lethargic. Many of them see suicide as an escape from their pain and a relief to others. They don't think of other people... and other people, probably, aren't thinking of them, either. It's not until they take that step that everyone comes out of the woodwork wondering what they could have done to help.

I was lucky. I had a job I hated, but it paid well enough that I could get health insurance and see some competent mental health professionals who helped me past those feelings. Today, I am still friends with one of those people. He probably saved my life. Once I got on the right antidepressants, I was able to make some major positive changes in my life and I don't remember the last time I was low enough to consider suicide. I certainly haven't felt that way in a very long time. But that experience gives me a lot of empathy for people who are dealing with depression and coping with suicidal ideation. It's not easy and depressed peoples' minds aren't like healthy peoples' minds are.

Perhaps suicide is selfish but you know what? So is wanting someone else to continue living a life they wish to no longer live just so that you are spared the inconvenience of their death. The question of whether suicide is "selfish" or not is not really the point.

That said, the idea of the pain my death would cause my mom has probably kept me above ground more times than I would like to admit.

Suicide is not selfish, in my opinion. It takes a great amount of courage to face the unknown and take the leap, regardless of your motivation.

I think a lot of ex-mormons have a stigma about suicide because they were indoctrinated to believe we all chose to be here and we knew what we were getting into. That's nonsense.

Nobody chooses to be born. But our society tends to label people as selfish who take matters into their hands and choose not to be here anymore.

When my grandpa took his life I was exposed to both sides. Most of my family thought he was selfish and should have suffered through the lung cancer he'd been diagnosed with. They were angry at him for not allowing them to have closure.

My dad was the only one on the other side of the fence. He admired my grandpa for taking control of an uncontrollable situation.

You can say lung cancer and depression are completely different problems, and I'd agree. But we're all dying. Period. I'm not mad at people who choose the time & place of their death. I think that's brave.

...rather than wanting to die.

I've know a few people who committed suicide. I've posted in the past before about my own attempts. I think it's ok to express your anger at you friend provided it's in a constructive manner and he can handle it. Anger shows you care, but just be sure you have an understanding why your friend took such a drastic action. Suicidal people can't "just snap out of it."

As for calling suicide a selfish act, I think that's survivor's guilt expressed by the people who knew the person. People who have not dealt with suicidal feelings or survived a suicide attempt have no clue how hopeless a suicidal person feels and thinks that he or she is just a burden to everyone else.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/26/2013 10:41AM by Itzpapalotl.