America's Supreme Court has done it again - ensuring that the un-fun Apocalypse happens.

With gay marriage and rights spreading across this once great nation of straight, white, male privilidge like a plague, Elohim's wrath is growing to where he will unleash it upon the most unsuspecting.

Tornados will rip through communities of mostly Christian folk, and floods will destroy humble folk's meager possessions while Earthquakes and fires will ravage...sometimes where porn is made.

Now, some so-called "intellectuals" will cry "What about all the countries who already allowed for gay marriage? They are fine!"

Well, first of all - they aren't America so nobody cares. Did Jesus personally write their constitution?

No! So, god doesn't mind as much.

But he is really mad at us for denying what the founding fathers intended when they signed Jesus' constitution.

Some people are better than others! Therefore, they deserve fewer freedoms. When you look into the bible (which is where Jesus stole most of the constitution), it is ALSO clear that god hates certain people and gets really pissed off really easily.

We really should be tiptoeing around that maniac because he can send a cloud full of infanticide just because one guy wouldn't let a bunch of imaginary slaves go.

Just like the civil rights Apocalypse of the 1960s, and the Red Lobster Apocalypse of 1872, Elohim will not have his commandments broken without retribution.

"For a man shall not lie down with another man as he does with women!"

I don't care how many times Regular Jesus said shit about "do unto others..." Or "Love thy neighbor..." Blah blah blah.

That first scripture is very clear. We were screwed the instant two men lied down with each other and one asked, "What are you thinking about?"

May god have mercy on us all because god is coming to ruin our shit.

Hahaha!

Canada legalized same sex marriage back in 2005 during the NHL lockout which was a good opportunity for men to talk to each other about their feelings instead of watching hockey every night. 3 years later, God clobbered the entire planet with a major recession. Coincidence?

Hmmmm, let's see. I do believe that Canada's banking system remained the strongest in the world, had one of the lowest unemployment rates and experienced no housing crash during that period. Sounds like we were rewarded more than anything else.

Any major disasters? Well, Calgary is flooded right now, but that can't be related since Calgary and surrounding areas has a very high mormon population and is the among the most conservative and religious areas in Canada. I can't think of any other major disasters since 2005. But, it's possible that god is Sicilian, and he'll hold that grudge for decades to come and will wait patiently for the right time to strike, just like with Carlo having to answer to Michael Corleone for Sunny's death, 10 years later.

wait wait wait wait wait....

There was a Red Lobster Apocalypse.


Damn It! I miss all the good Apocalypses and get stuck with all the lousy fire and brimstone ones.


Was there butter? Oh please let there have been butter.

Yes, God struck down everyone who ate more than 412 cheddar biscuits in one sitting.

You can read about it here:


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/25/red-lobster-biscuit-coma_n_3496755.html

Around these parts, we call that one EloHER! And gurl, she's a CRANKY QUEEN!! And don't EVEN ask her for help when it comes to constitutional law...
That one's so dim she can hardly read! That's why you have to PRAY to her instead of texting her like a NORMAL person.

+2. (Sonoma, I missed you while you were gone.)

Thanks, SS!

Unless it's tolerance for his intolerance, of course.

Minnesota legalized gay marriage, and they have a lot (read plague) of mosquitoes. Coincidence?

Raptor Jesus, are you up for any exmo gatherings? I think it would be fun to hang out.

I can vouch for what good company and conversationalist RJ is. Glad you are feeling better.

I haven't been screwed in over 25 years. God is such a tease.

Its been almost 10 years since Massachusetts legalized gay marriage, and they've been bombarded with healthcare for all. What a shame.

They also narrowly missed the full on wrath of hurricane Sandy. Maybe god needed a nap. (I love how auto correct doesn't capitalize god, btw. 1 pt for atheists)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/28/2013 01:21AM by spicyspirit.

Exactly.

The stupid Mormons don't understand that gay people marrying spreads slime on God's favorite people marrying

IN THE RIGHT PLACE

AT THE RIGHT TIME

UNDER OUR CONTROL

SO WE CAN HAVE YOU PROMISE EVERYTHING TO US

AND YOUR LOVE IS CONDITIONAL

ON YOUR PARTNER PAYING US.


Marriage belongs to the Mormon Church like the Virgin Mary is Catholic. This gay marriage business is a terrible affront to their power and ability, plus giving them a big fat headache.

Now what? Celibate sexual unions between gays. Will they want to go to the temple? Will they sue to go to the temple? What will the policy be, they cannot agree, oh, God, not another fight among the Q15.


Anagrammy

Elohim is changing his mind. Slowly, and not without the assistance of public opinion polling.

Once the Marriotts figure out how much they could be making hosting gay marriages in their banquet rooms, expect things to change real fast.

When that happens, we'll spread the word about the Marriott support for prop.8 which they deny( the liars).

TBMs in Canada tolerate that terrible socialism called "healthcare for everyone?" I am shocked. I have been wanting to move there for a long time.

That to me was one of the most frustrating things about Romney, let's face it Obamacare (as flawed as it is) was Romney's baby, it was an American solution to the healthcare problem, but he denied, and disavowed himself from his only significant contributiion to current policy.