I used to think "How can any Mormon be gay?". Now I watch YouTube videos of gay Mormons coming out and going right back to church with a big smile on their face and saying how much they know the church is true.

???

I'm totally confused.

Apparently everyone else is too.

How can any black person be Mormon? How can any non-white person be Mormon? How can any woman be Mormon? How can any non-American be Mormon? How can anybody with an ounce of self-respect or a functioning brain be Mormon?

Human psychology isn't easy to understand. I guess the bottom line is that everyone wants to feel like they belong to the group in which they're most comfortable, even if belonging to that group requires a good deal of self-loathing and self-denial. Why anyone mentioned above would feel "most comfortable" in the Mormon church depends on the person, I guess.

So, to answer your question: I have NO idea!

: )

I'm mixed race (white and black), so I wouldn't have been able to get the priesthood pre-1978. Honestly was never a problem for me. I knew about the priesthood ban obviously, even since I was a child (it usually came up in Sunday School/Priesthood/seminary once a year, and it was always really awkward). I just didn't really care. I could still go to Heaven, just like everybody else, and in exactly the same way. I don't think my life as a mormon would've been any different if I was full white.

I think if I was gay my life as a mormon wouldn't have been any different either. I never did anything with girls anyway (since you're not allowed, all you can do is go on "group dates"), so if you were gay it would kind of be the same.

I'm not excusing the church's homophobia, but I can easily see a gay person being a mormon. Just like I was black and a mormon. It's difficult to explain, but I never really cared about it (and I knew loads of other black mormons too).

There are some important differences. You can kiss girls, dance with girls, and hold girls' hands. Even at BYU if I had done any of those puppy love things with another guy, I would have been kicked out. Not only can you do those things with the opposite sex, but those things are encouraged starting at 16. You can also openly express it verbally and artistically, and you have lessons specifically geared towards your sexual expression.

You can't hide skin color. You can definitely hide sexual feelings. Nobody knew that I was gay. That sort of repression starts in your mind and ends up being a lifelong scar.

I'm not saying it's worse or better than prejudice against skin color, but those are some of the important differences.

As for being gay and Mormon, when your premise is that the church is true, then being gay becomes a challenge to be overcome, like a disease or a severe temptation. It's agony, especially during puberty and young adulthood, but if you can't escape the church in your mind, there's no place else to go.

+1

"How can any gay person be Mormon?"

Very quietly.

Beats me. Maybe they're masochists.

Maybe they want to be accepted by the morg so badly that they'll continue on. It must be quite a doozy to have the religion you were raised on not accept you. So I can see where a person might try to be a part no matter what. Like a deep seeded psychological need to say,"see I am good enough. I am worthy".

In reality they are too good for the church. They deserve much better for themselves.

We can't really help what we believe - I don't identify as any religion, but I would love to. I would love to have the comfort of knowing that my consciousness will survive after I die. But, I just can't do it. My brain won't function like that anymore - I think TSCC broke some sort of religious node in my brain.

If a gay person has been raised in the church, it can be hard for them to shake that belief. Think about how many mental gymnastics Mormons go through just to keep going on.

Also, Mormons are taught that if you believe something goes against the church, something is wrong with you, and not the church. Those that are gay have been told their whole lives that "the church is perfect, the members aren't." So, when they start to recognize that they're attracted to members of the opposite sex, the first thought that they've been trained to think is "There's something wrong with me." Thinking ill of the church is strictly forbidden.

Also, having grown up in Mormon culture, they might not have had any non-bigoted or LGBTQIA role models.

I don't know the thoughts of individual gay mormons, because they are individuals, but those are a few that spring to mind.

because Mormonism IS gay! LOL ok that was immature. Seriously, I don't know how anyone Gay would want to go to or go back to LDS, Inc.... I think the guy in that video was a Paid Actor! Or the guy lost a bet. It's like someone coming out of Rehab for Alcholism and then going to the Bar right after. -- Also, if the person is BIC ..... etc.....

I have this same problem with african americans being christian. Read the bible. See how it was used to enslave your ancestors. I just don't get it...

Gay people can have burning bosoms too.

I recommend a Prilosec or Tums, but apparently Mormonism works too.

I grew up in the church.....believed it to my bones. I was always the good example kid that the other parents hoped their kids would be like. So when I started realizing that I was a total lesbian, it was scary, and embarrassing, and shameful. Worked hard to rationalize that it wasnt so. Finally in college I was able to accept the fact that this was real. Went through a lot of phases of acceptance then denial. But basically my life had always revolved around the church. All my friends, all my family, the whole community and everything that I had built up around me came back to the church. So basically I came to a big crossroads moment. I had to decide if I really believed the church was true or not. To bad I did not have the resources to get the actual information I needed. All I knew how to do was what the church taught me. So I fasted and prayed, and basically the only decision that I could feel ok about was to trust the goodness of
the church. I understand now that it was my cognitive dissonance at work. To accept myself and be gay would have caused me to much internal conflict, because the church was to engrained in my life. So I made a choice that I was going to fallow the prophet, and whatever they say about homosexuality. So I denied myself, went on a mission, came home, dated boys (oh the horror). finally found someone I believed I could build a life with. Now here I am. I've researched, and my shelf broke, and life goes on. Right now im a little bit stuck where I am, still going to church.

So that is how this lesbian was a true believing mormon. Call me stupid and masochistic all you want.

You're not stupid or masochistic, and shame on anyone that says you are.

The church lied to and fooled us all.

I am a lesbian, knew that early on, came out to my friends at age 13 and was very comfortable with it.
Then I spent a year living with a mormon family when I was 16 and the TBM family introduced me to Mormonism. They gave me the "option" of going to church with with but how can you decline at that age when you want to be polite because you know you have to live with these people?
Anyway. Long story short: I read the BOM to please the family, went to church and though I never believed in it finally decided to be baptized. Because all my friends were in the church. Because it was nice being accepted in this community. (bear in mind, I was 16!).
After that year and back with my parents I quit going to church at once. Yet now I had all those mormon friends and what can you tell them about your life when it's clearly nothing they would want to hear about? In the end I decided I didn't care what they thought.
Fast forward a couple of years and I was back at a church meeting. I had just moved to a new town, knew no one and had driven past a church building when I thought it would be a good idea to get to know people and find that old community feeling again.
Only then it was different. I was 21, asked when I would marry, was patronizingly reminded of my place in the church when I asked my bishop why he wanted to use me as a nanny for the kids in Primary - I don't like babysitting other peoples' brats! And I didn't intend to marry. I wanted to get an education.
My views weren't really taken seriously and I was soon enough (after a couple of months...) fed up with the on-the-surface-community situation. The people were all old, the meetings boring and just a repetition of the same old, same old.
I finally quit going for good when I had established a circle of friends and I felt once again "at home" in a community.

I realize now that I always have the urge to go to a meeting (even now, after more than 15 years) when I am in a new town and have no friends. It's like this "if you go there people will welcome you". If I do go along with this thinking it only takes about one meeting before I hightail it out of the church building again. Eeeeek.

It's not the theology, I never believed in that, it's more the ideal picture that was presented to me at age 16 as a church of friendly people who share community. Well, of course it's not. Thank Heaven's I never fell for the bull *** the church is teaching. I do, however, enjoy talking to Mormons I have met and to befriend them. As a lesbian. Sure, they try to change me and probably judge me as well but at least they do the latter behind my back. ;-) And if they see my happiness without the church and as a lesbian... maybe, just maybe, it is a small stone that rocks the water a bit. But if not that's ok, too.

My short answer why I joined the church though I am a very happy lesbian: The image of community. Everyone wants to belong. I realize now I can also join a book club or any other non-religious organization to get the feeling of community. And that's what I do. ;-)

I didn't think I had a choice.

How can a gay person be Mormon?

Not easily.

I'm very glad that I eventually found the truth about the church, but it took a long time and I hated myself for much of it. I'm pretty sure I'd be dead right now if I hadn't learned the truth, the strain was just too much.

I was born in raised in the church by my very TBM parents. Worse, I was raised much of the time in extremely conservative locations, where I didn't even really know what "gay" meant... Not really.

I knew something was different about me even as a young kid, I prefered teddy bears when my brothers prefered cars and G.I. Joe. But when I started Junior High, I realized that I was far more attracted to boys than girls.

I once tried to tell my mother, late at night just before a temple trip to do baptisms for the dead, when the guilt was driving me crazy, that I liked boys. Just that, a tiny little admission. How I wish she had said something like, "Well, that means you're a homosexual. Things won't be easy for you, but I'm sure you'll find a nice young man that will make you happy." Instead she said, and I remember it clearly, "It's just a phase you're going through, nothing to worry about." Then I think she said something about pray about it and think in the temple about it and everything will be OK. Basically, hopefully it will just go away. I never mentioned it again.

That's when the problems started in full force. I thought, based on conference talks (yes, the dreaded "little factory" talk) that something was horribly wrong with me, that I was influenced by satan and that even part of me was downright evil. But, the church was literally all I knew. I didn't have the internet. No one was really talking gay rights issues at the time and even if they weren't talking about it around me. I had no idea at the time that such a thing could be normal.

I lied my way through bishops interviews, I lied to myself. It was the only way to keep from going insane, though, I guess part of me was.

Eventually, I got married, because that's what I was supposed to do. While I was never told personally, remember I was pretty deep in the closet, but the church was really pushing the whole "marry the gay away" doctrine. Fortunately, the woman I found is my best friend and I do love her and she loves me. Right now, I plan on staying with her. There are a lot of reasons for this. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we are closer than any of my siblings in their relationships. We do make each other happy. She really is a bright spot in my life. But honestly, if I could go back in time, I would change everything.

My life has been filled with pain, lying, depression, cover-up's and all kinds of problems. All because I felt that I had no choice. Until I realized that the church was wrong, my options where as the church taught, a life of illness and loneliness as a sad gay man followed by eternal hell and damnation or a short life of pain pretending to be straight followed by eternal salvation... Which would you choose if you truly believed those were your options?

Since realizing the church is true, I've come to terms with what I've done to myself due to the way I was raised. I know who I am and why I made the decisions that I made. None of it's easy, but at least I can now be honest with myself.

Sometimes I think that gay members of the church today have it both easier and harder. At least they can come out of the closet... But doing so is basically accepting a life of celibacy and being treated as a 2nd class member, never holding a calling other than maybe music director.

So, this is why I now hope for the demise of the church. I know it probably won't happen, the church will always exist in some form or another, but hopefully, at the very least, someday it may have no choice but to accept gay members so that hopefully they won't have to experience what I went through. Though I hope that any gay member today, would use the resources at hand and find out the truth faster than I did.

To clarify "Since realizing the church is true," should read "Since realizing the church is NOT true,"

I am not a member and hate the church for what it's done to me.

There may be people who have been indoctrinated into it from birth and therefore entirely identify as Mormon however as they grew up realized they did not fit the Mormon mold.
But I seriously doubt there would ever be a gay couple who would actually convert, and very few, if any, individual gay converts. They would have no reason to.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2013 02:05PM by snuckafoodberry.

My uncle is gay, was a convert and is now out of the church...He was found by missionaries as a young man, who told him that if he got baptized he would become straight. Being faithful, he got baptized and married a woman waiting for the promise to be fulfilled. Needless to say, it never came to pass.

How can anyone who is not a white, heterosexual male be Mormon? Some people are easily brainwashed to ignore the obvious. I once asked a young woman why she was a Mormon even though she was a Feminist. She said that "women don't need the priesthood." Apparently she wants equality in all sectors of her life but her religion. If the LDS church was "the one true church" then God would be at the FOREFRONT of social issues, not lagging behind and eventually succumbing to societal pressures.

Some may have been born in a TBM family, and had no choice. That said, I have no sympathy for a gay person to deliberately join as a convert.

If you were a Mormon, how long did it take you to leave?

I'm not Mormon because the Mormon church is not true. Yes they are what many would call "haters of gays." But the more basic question, as I have always said, is whether or not the church is true for anyone.

It's not true for anyone. Period.

It's my belief that people, gay or otherwise, believe in Mormonism because they have not thought things through far enough.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2013 10:22PM by PapaKen.

My brother is gay. He says that he has been gay his entire life. He knew this at a very young age. There was a conference talk he remembers when he was young (I don't remember who was speaking) said that being gay was the worst sin possible second only to murder. My brother didn't understand how he (at eleven years old) could be that evil. He struggled with this for years, trying to change. Went on a mission hoping it would "fix" him because he did what he was suposed to do... After his mission he almost commited suicide becuase of the stress from the church. He would have too but he had a very vivid dream that stopped him. Then he started meth. Says meth saved his life because he would have killed himself if he didn't have the release that the drugs gave him. He has been clean for a while and is in a good place now. But he will struggle with addiction for the rest of his life. That is what "the church" does to the gays. It's horrible!

How can any intelligent person be Mormon?

It was easy for me to hide it, actually, while being Mormon. I consider myself a lesbian but have dated guys/identified as bisexual in the past, so maybe this wouldn't apply to someone who was absolutely 100% gay, but you're supposed to be so incredibly asexual and modest in the church--I mean, you really have to strip yourself of ANY sign of sexual energy or desires--that unless your gender expression doesn't match up with your biological sex, it'd be hard for anyone to notice. I wanted to be Mormon at that time, for a variety of reasons, more than I wanted to be with women. So going on dates with little or no chemistry was very easy, because you're really not *supposed* to have chemistry as TBMs anyway, and especially if you're a woman, you are ASSUMED to have zero sexual desire at all. So I was actually viewed as an amazing Mormon girl, because I was so, so, so, SO "pure." If you're a gay guy, I'd assume a similar thing happens, where you're considered a great Mormon guy because you're so respectful and never get handsy on dates. All of this doesn't explain WHY someone wants to be Mormon as much as or more than they want to express themselves sexually, but it does explain how...the truth is, it's very easy.

(Of course I don't mean that it's "easy" to be a gay Mormon--I just mean that it's very easy to hide it and to get along in TBM culture without others realizing or even realizing it yourself for a long time.)

I'm very lucky I didn't figure out I was asexual while I was still in the cult.

You're right. I know people who actually are asexual, so I should know better. I was using it in the colloquial way.

I didn't go to church unless I was home with my tbm family on vacations, I had stopped confiding in bishops and members, and in general I tried to think as little about religion as possible except - All the time I was praying the gay away. Every day for hours. Still mormon though. That was a situation that couldn't last for long.

The question is not how someone can be gay and mormon, the big question is how anyone can remain so in the long run. Praying the gay away doesn't work and shunning and discrimination isn't love. Gays are supposed to stay celibate on earth so that they can become servants in heaven. No godhood for you mr never-got-a-valid-heterosexual-marrige!

This is definitely the latest prejudice to be focused on within the Church. When I was a teen in the Church, it was, "How could any black person be a Mormon?"

Now of course for me now it's, "How could anyone be a Mormon?" LOL