I've been repeating snippets of stuff I learn from this board about TSCC to my sister in law (married to my husband's brother), including the latest articles, corporate behavior of TSCC including the mall, reformed Egyptian, the funny stuff I read from you all... My sister in law never knew communities of ex Mormons even existed. Well, now she wants to leave TSCC. She said she found she was embarrassed yesterday when another teacher at the school where she works, who is Catholic, asked her what church she goes to and she had to say LDS. She said she saw the teacher's face totally change, and she then added, "But I used to be Catholic". She said that didn't help! :) She said she felt embarrassed to say because she believes now the church is false and wishes she didn't have to be LDS.

This is going to make my husband's family very angry with me when they find out I was the influence, and there is just no way they will not figure it out. At first, to save my own skin, I told her, maybe she and I shouldn't talk on the phone or text as much for awhile so that I am not the one suspected of influencing her. I know you are all thinking I'm a selfish chicken coward (and no one knows this more than I do) but her husband and my husband (brothers) are going to make sure I am yelled at and blamed, and they are so intimidating! I need to stand them down, and I never look forward to doing that with people who have powerful low, authoritative, angry voices.

I find myself now, not repeating anything more to her about what I find on here. Almost like I'm saying, "Now wait a minute...."

If this happens and I am confronted, does anyone have any ideas of things I can say to help me?

Simple solution: Convince more than half of that family they're wrong, then the remaining ones that believe will be the oddballs.


;-)

I agree!! I want to work on my mother in law, she seems like the next weak link. My sister in law never listens to me. Why she chooses to listen now about this certain thing? It's a mystery. But if you only knew; I hate confrontation with those two. I need some good things to say in anticipation of this future eruption so that I can feel more at ease and not worry. I'm thinking maybe something like "You don't need to worry what I say if its the truth, the truth will prevail" I know I need more than that though.
Ultimately you are all to blame, even if she is getting all this stuff filtered through me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/26/2011 12:51PM by suckafoo.

Just give your sister in law the link to this forum and we'll do the rest...

Just give em my email:

prettyinpain5@gmail.com

I get a perverse enjoyment out of confrontations like that. MUAHAHAHAAHHAH!

I am one of those with a low authoritative voice but I have had numerous opportunities to be intimidated in my life. I feel for you!

All I can say is that it sounds like you are still going to church and "pretending" at being Mormon for the sake of your marriage and family. That is a very hard part of the exit process and it doesn't really get easier until you leave completely and let everyone know you have left and that there is no chance in hell you will ever return. Once you take that step it gets miles easier. Of course on your journey to that point you could lose your husband and family because the morg destroys families where one spouse decides to think for their self and becomes independent.

The only advice I can offer is to believe in yourself and try to be confident in what you know. If a showdown develops, if you are anything like me, you will forget all the facts and the emotions that ensue will not be pleasant. It will be especially difficult if you truly love your DH and don't want to lose him. Good luck, our support and best wishes go with you.

Oh heck no! I resigned from the church official September 2010, and that is why they will suspect me! I've already had to go through this confrontation once and it was really difficult, so now I'm a chicken to do it again!! My DH didn't leave, but I did risk losing him to stand up. I actually do recall many of the things you all say on the board at opportune moments, and know your responses have helped me so much, you will never know!
Also, she doesn't use the computer. She is "kept" in a sense.

P.S. I left as a direct influence of all of you, so a BIG FAT THANKS!!



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/26/2011 01:02PM by suckafoo.

ANSWER

Just tell everybody that sister in law has a mind and a will of her own. If she was deeply entrenched and had an unshakeable faith and belief system, anything I said would not have affected her.

Also let them know that everything you have told her is readily available on the internet, and if she looked she would have found it for herself eventually.

Tell the family if they have a problem with any doctrine,just type the belief in and ask the "Google God" about Original Mormon Beliefs. They will be totally suprised !!!

Place everything back on the Sister-in-Law's free will and choice.

JB

Okay, good good good. Okay. I am liking that answer. She has her own free will and choice, and if she really believes in the church, anything I would say would not have an affect on her. The 3rd brother got really mad at me one time when I linked Simon Southerton's article to my husband and asked him to read it. He showed the 3rd brother what I sent and he said, "I don't like her sending MY BROTHER anti-mormon literature!" So he got in my face (behind my back, so to speak).

"if she really believes in the church, anything I say..." this takes the heat off of you, but it puts more heat on the girl.

Are you sure, that's what you want?

I think you need to be prepared to defend your actions.

YOU DID INFLUENCE THIS GIRL! YOU DID HELP HER SEE THAT MORMONISM WAS A FRAUD!

Now you need to be able to stand up and defend WHY you did that.

It's not fun, but I really think it's disingenuous to try to sweep what you did under the rug.

She was curious, she wanted to know more. You gave her FACTS. She did her own research.

Maybe come with me and I will hide behind your back.
I know..... I need to grow some kahunas.

You didn't do anything wrong. But you will look like the bad guy if you try to sweep things under a rug.

You supplied her with information. She was curious for her own reasons, did her own research, and made up her own mind.

I understand how you feel.

My brother HATES it when I talk about his coming out of the closet as being a big influence on my decision to become an exmo. He doesn't want the BLAME for that.

But he didn't do anything wrong, I did my own research, and made my own decisions. There's no blame in my mind. But TSCC really warps people's minds.

I've been copying your testimony out of the church to her by the way and texting it. I lost it after part 3, so that's all we got to read, but she read it.

+1 on all RJ's advice, but start the discusion with a heartfelt "...I'm an adult too, and you will not talk to me like that, assface! Why is your brother here? I'm not married to him, and will NOT discuss this with him. When you are ready to speak to me like an adult we will talk this out..."

I am picturing myself talking to Mrs. jon1 like you described your husband talking to you, and can't even imagine how many backflips she would turn, before jerking a knot im my ass so tight I'd never crap again!

I'll say it just like this to her husband. "Yeah, that's right. So kiss my ass you big mfer, I can't stand your stupid ass. Now get out of my face if you think you can run me down with your stupid sh*t! Who do you think you are anyway you dumb fat head! Move out of my way 'cause I want seconds on those potatoes over there!"

That's what I'd say in my head fantasy play. :)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/26/2011 02:26PM by suckafoo.

LOL. Keep working it in your head, and it will reach your lips pretty soon. Need my wife to tutor You?

Let me add on to this answer a little.

When I quit going to church, my wife wanted to blame a friend of mine that had quit going earlier.

When she told me that she blamed my friend I told my wife that she was being very insulting.

She was surprised by that, but I explained to her that I had a mind of my own. I knew what I was doing and made the choice on my own. I told her that it was insulting for her to say that one person could coerse me into leaving the church, giving up my'eternal family', going to hell for eternity all because one person had that much influence.

I told her it was the facts that got me to where I was at, not following a friends opinion and bad example.

The funny thing is, I had not talked to this friend for a year previous to when I quit attending.

They always want to blame someone instead of blaming the facts.

I dont know if the SIL will be able to give the same type of response when she is confronted.

Your strongest arguement will be - I only gave her the facts, when asked, she made up her own mind based on the facts.

If the church is true, it should be able to pass any scrutiny that it is faced with.

I would just shrug and say that your SIL is a big girl and is capable of making up her own mind about things.

If the guys get angry, so what? Respond in a calm tone of voice and don't get emotional. One of my long-ago bosses gave me some great advice for dealing with upset, angry people: *They'll get over it.*

If you're interested, you can also learn how to deepen your voice and project from your diaphram. Women can have deep, powerful, projecting voices, but it takes practice. I don't use that kind of voice most of the time, but it's there when I need it.

Isn't it amazing what a little info will do? A few weeks ago I shared some JoD and HC with a friend on my Nook during church. Her face registered some serious shock. The best anti-mormon literature is what the church puts out. Embarrassing is putting it lightly.

It isn't important in the long run what his family thinks, but you need be sure he isn't blindsided.

Take your response from what works best for him and your marriage.