These are a few of my favorite tidbits from the last 48 hours
1. Hey, did you know Joseph smith was a mason and that some people think that that is where he got the temple ceremony from? Didn't anyone stop to think that maybe the masons got it from Solomon? I mean, there IS a book about it...
2. (After looking at a coexist bumper sticker) nice thought, but don't they know that we can't coexist until the millennium?
3. I wish the ACLU and Obama would leave the Boy Scouts alone. It's just a matter of time before they sue the church!
4. (When I was pretending to have a migraine) do you need a blessing? If you have even enough faith like a mustard seed the priesthood can heal you
5. Last Friday night when we were cleaning the temple...
In laws do not talk about religion to my face, but from what i understand they talk about me behind my back. There is a consensus between them and dh that he needs to be the example in the family (apparently to make up for evil mom).
My MIL said a couple of months ago "Well, you know, eventually all good people will accept the gospel." She doesn't realize DH and I haven't been active for years because she lives half an hour away and is pretty self-absorbed. She also told me about a very successful reactivation program her sister helped with in Salt Lake City that reactivated 18 people in one stake in one year. She said it would soon be church-wide. She said that her brother was inactive for years, then one day someone said "Why don't you come to church with us next Sunday" and he thought "I don't know why" and answered "sure, I'll come." He's been active ever since apparently. She thinks that if people are good, all they really need is to have someone ask them back to church and they will come.
I love number 4 - put the pressure on the person getting blessed. That thinking keeps faith in priesthood blessings. When it doesn't work, it's because the sick person didn't have enough faith, not because the blessing was a farce.
Yesterday and day before: Dad: I've seen a dowsing rod work. It's about electricity running from the ground to the rod. Mom: [power surge occurs while she's doing genealogy online] Satan's trying to stop me! (I told her that maybe God's just giving her a challenge.)
Other gems: Dad: I'm not so naive to think that Jesus wouldn't visit the Americas. Dad: It's crazy - they have evidence to show that mermaids may indeed be real! Mom: I left the church, and came back.
If you haven't seen a mermaid it is your fault-did you pay tithing on your gross or net? I plead with you, EarlyRM, to come back to the fold and know of unicorns, mermaids and Cain the sasquatch and to truly know happiness.
My aunt took one of those Holy Land cruises with some BYU "expert." As she was showing me the pictures, she kept telling me all of these outrageously specific and unsupportable stories about Jesus, as though she had seen him there. The best part was when she kept telling me that he was persecuted as a child because he was blond. My nevermo husband was speechless.
My wife was doing scripture stuff with the Ida giving her commentary about what the world accepts. She follows up with questions like, "does the world say it is ok to lie?" Kids say yes. Then does the world say it is ok to steal, cheat, and commit adultery? Kids say yes. Then does the world say it is ok to murder? Kids say yes.
I have not gotten around to calling her on her bullshiz and explaining the Danites yet.
My TBM parental units are visiting me in Florida. I take them to a former plantation that is just a state park with a bunch of cool gardens. Near the entrance of the park/gardens, there is a time capsule buried under the sidewalk. There's a plaque that says that the time capsule will be opened in 2035. My dad stops, reads the plaque, ponders for a second and then said,
"Well, I'm pretty sure the Second Coming is going to happen before that!"
At first, I thought he was joking and almost laughed out loud. I glanced over at him, saw how serious he was, and stifled it. I still laugh about that now and then. When they do open that thing, I plan to send him the newspaper article about it. ;>)
1. TBM guest turning to my TBM host who had just introduced me and pointing: "Is he a member?"
2. TBM waxing sentimental: "I almost lost my house because I had nothing to pay the mortgage for 2 months. So I call up (no-MO sister) and she helped me...blah blah blah..." (1 minute later, and with no credit given to no-MO sister who helped) TBM: "I got a client last week." Me: "Good for you." TBM: "That's the blessing of tithing!" Me: (noting the contradiction and rolling eyes inwardly)
3. TBM relative upon learning of my apostasy:"You have to attend church again, the Second Coming is very near!"
4. TBM friend upon learning of my apostasy:"Oh my! That's because you think too much!"
Mil: did you see my new picture over the mantle? Bf: no, err, which one Mil: the one that says no EMPTY chairs? Bf: ok Mil: (restates the painted board while wagging a finger) no empty chairs. Bf: (bites tongue and hugs mil goodbye)
This was a conversation with my uncle rather than my in-laws, but I feel it applies. This was also when I was in my apologist phase.
We were having a discussion about the age of the Earth and I say: "I believe that the earth is a couple billion years old and that no one really understands what God's concept of time is. I mean, how else would you explain dinosaurs?"
My uncle replies: "Nope. The Earth is six thousand years old. I can show you a verse in the Bible that talks about a dinosaur sighting."
I left the conversation at that. I love my uncle, but knew that arguing wouldnt get me anywhere with him.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2013 07:38PM by pathist.
My TBM mom tries to act like a biblical scholar, & she absolutely believes that the Bible & BOM are 100% real. One night, there was something on TV having to do with the OT, & she was explaining stuff to my inactive dad, like she knew WTF she was taking about, when really it was a bunch of Morg cult bs. I nearly went into the living room & told my dad that if he had questions regarding the OT, he should email a local rabbi about them.