In one RS meeting, one lady (a young woman a few years older than me and mother of approximately 26 children who was an airhead, but absolutely gorgeous) stood up and gave a long, rambling speech about how she knew some of the church leaders had multiple wives, but she wanted to "own" and accept and embrace that part of church history now instead of continuing to struggle with it. An older, otherwise extremely conservative "sister" stood up at the end of the long, obviously planned, tearful speech and just said, "It's not part of my history and it will never be part of my history," and then just sat back down. There was total silence for what felt like a full minute, but I'm sure it wasn't. I'm pretty sure we just ended the lesson.

What horribly awkward things happened to you in Relief Society, sacrament meeting, or whatever other things you were dragged to?

One day when I was still living at home and attending a family ward, the RS lesson was about being a better wife and mother - surprise! The teacher passed around little slips of paper and asked everyone to write down one thing their husband did that annoyed or angered them - a bad habit, or a personality trait, something like that. As people were writing things down and then putting their slips of paper into a hat or bowl or something to pass back to the front, the teacher talked about how women are peacemakers and sometimes we just have to find ways to suppress our anger and not fight with our husbands. Because that's healthy.

So the hat full of the menfolk's bad habits made is way back to the teacher, and she started pulling them out and reading them. Everyone was supposed to participate by making suggestions on how to handle the situation while maintaining "peacemaker" status. "He never puts his clothes in the hamper", said one paper. "Just do it for him and don't make a big deal out of it," was the general consensus. "He doesn't let me help him make any financial decisions," said another. "He's earning the money, he gets to decide what to do with it," said one of the old crones through clenched teeth.

The teacher pulled another slip of paper out of the hat, started to read it, and her eyes went wide. She turned around and handed it to the RSP. She read it, showed it to her counselors, and they all started whispering to each other. The RSP then took the hat and started reading all of the slips of paper, choosing some to hand to the teacher to continue with her lesson and pocketing others. The lesson continued, but the air was thick with weird.

Later, my mom told me that her VT - who was one of the RSP's counselors and a huge gossip - had told her that the offending slip of paper said, "He's cheating on me with Sister X" - and that there were THREE MORE slips of paper that all confessed the husbands were cheating. These poor women had been told their whole lives that it was their job to just grin and bear it and sustain their husbands and never complain - so when the chance came to anonymously vent, they leapt at it.

Most akward moments were two separate incidents having to do with partial nudity.

First incident was when my Seminary teacher stood up for over a half hour with his fly wide open (no flesh showed, just garments).

He was a cool guy and we loved him. But we were much too "polite" to point out that his fly had lost altitude.
He stood there teaching the class with his zipper down for more than a half hour.

Finally, he looked down and cool as a cucumber, smiled at us casually, zipped up and went on with the lesson without a trace of embarrassment.

Second incident was at BYU study abroad in Spain. A terrifically amiable and physically beautiful sister was playing songs on her guitar. Suddenly her sweater and blouse hitched up, revealing a perfect pink breast. We all pretended to be mesmerized by her amazing music and voice, but it was quite akward.

Once again, as polite Mormons, we could not bring ourselves to point out the akward "elephant in the room" -- especially in regards to nudity. Better for us Good Mormons to pretend it did not exist, right?

Naturally, the guys in our group really zoomed in on her body. I think that some or most of them had never seen a boob before, especially such a perfect one. She played on for several minutes before realizing that she had a major clothing malfunction.

Without missing a beat, she continued playing the guitar, and sang on with her lovely crystal voice, while unashamedly readjusting her clothing.

I liked both my seminary teacher and this girl - they were amazing individuals. My respect for them was heightened by their unembarrassed reaction to this type of incident.

I think other Mormons, including myself, would have reacted differently.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2013 01:12PM by Senoritalamanita.

Sorry, I "replied" in the wrong spot.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2013 10:08PM by CrispingPin.

In the El Cajon ward on my mission, there was quite the shake-up when a new bishopric was announced.

Instead of the 1st counselor in the old bishopric, it was the 2nd counselor who was chosen for the job.

On the sunday when it was announced and they got to the sustaining everyone except the 1st counselor's family sustained the new bishop. When they said "all opposed, same sign" the WHOLE 1ST COUNSELOR'S FAMILY stood up and just stood there, stone-faced.

Nobody knew what to do so finally they asked the family to step into the bishop's office.

For the ward it was awkward. For me it was awesome. It's the only time I've seen anyone oppose a sustaining and it was in amazing fashion..



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2013 01:15PM by kolobian.

One day at Sacrament Meeting, during the sustaining votes, the person conducting called my mom’s name. He said “all those in favor please, blah, blah blah.” Everyone (well, almost everyone) raided their hand. When he said “Any opposed…..” my mom raised her hand. It seems that nobody in the bishopric had spoken to her about the position. I guess it wasn’t all that awkward; I thought it was pretty cool how she let it just play out.

Kolobian,

I have never seen anyone oppose a sustaining either. What is church protocol when this happens?

Was the 2nd counselor still appointed as new bishop?

From what I understand, all they do is take the opposers into the bishop's office and let them state their concerns. If their concerns are legit (like this guy is going to jail for tax fraud) they'll suspend the setting apart. Otherwise they'll tell them the calling came from god and they can get with the program or not.

In this case, the 2nd counselor indeed became the bishop. I came back to that area at the end of my mission and he was doing a pretty decent job. The former 1st counselor was still active at that time but when I went to his home for dinner his whole attitude had changed significantly.

Prior to the whole situation he was like an evangelical nazi. He was one of those dudes who loved to say "Cristo Jesus" instead of "Jesucristo" and could never get enough time at the podium. Afterward he seemed deflated but I liked the change..

I was in a ward where three families opposed the sustaining of a Bishop. I was young so I had no idea why. The SP (or member of the Stake presidency, I can't remember now) casually stated from the stand that he would have a word with them after Sacrament. The following week they did the sustaining again, without any mention of it happening the prior week. This time the voting was unanimous.

He should be locked in a closet with the "Even Jesus Christ" boys and let them duke it out.

Ana

When I was a divorcee I had my boyfriend serve papers on my husband in Elder's Quorum. I understand it really put a dent in his sanctimonious advanced priesthood holder act.

Deadbeat Dad.


Anagrammy

HP group leader proudly announced that from this point on, if someone didn't show up for a quorom meeting, we could expect a phone call to "see if we are alright."

I raised my hand.

"If we were all elderly and in shaky health that would be a comforting and thoughtful gesture. But for the most part we are not. We are volunteers appearing in a voluntary meeting in a volunteer church. This makes it sound like our appearance is mandatory"

HP group leader killed me with a glance, then realized what he was saying, got all flustered, and changed the subject.

The meeting went downhill after that.

I was fairly young, and it was during one of these sustaining vote things where I meant to raise my arm and I was caught on something. When I finally got my hand up, the bishop had just said "all opposed?", and he saw me and chuckling he said, "I think you meant sustained, didn't you Sister (Maiden Name)?"
I turn bright red when I am embarrassed, and boy was I ever to be called out like that over the microphone!


Most embarrassing not-me incident...
Later on in young women's, a girl came up to the front of the class and told us as part of her repentance process she had to tell us what had happened. She had gone to a party with some high school kids. Well, she didn't actually get to the party. No, they all pulled up somewhere in a car and someone got some beer out of the trunk and set it on the sidewalk.
She saw the beer and was so horrified at what she was surely almost about to do, be at a party with beer! That she began crying and begged her friends to take her home.

But as far as I could tell from her story she didn't know about the beer beforehand and didn't do anything more than become frightened of it.

Bully bishop to make this poor girl get up and relate her humiliation to us all when nothing even happened.



Most humiliating not-at-church-but-surely-church-inspired thing... Discovering the true purpose of journaling was for mom to read it and punish me for thoughts I had.
She loved to search my room, hoping to find some dirt on me to further justify treating me like the scum she had already decided I was.
After enough years of being punished for things I hadn't done but only speculated about in my journals and notebooks I figured I might as well do the things I was suspected of.
She seriously thought I lost my virginity when I was 13 because I had been in a male friends bedroom. He was excited to get a waterbed and wanted to show me, so I went in and sat on the edge and laid back. Felt just like my parents waterbed and I said as much, and that I could never sleep on one, it was too cold for me. And then we went back to playing old records or wandering in the woods.
Since I was such a slut now, I gave it up to my boyfriend once I could date at 16. I already knew about orgasms :D and since I was already convicted of the crime I figured I might as well get some of the fun of the sin too!
And then I continued to insist I was a virgin until I got married at 28. Why on earth would I speak candidly to someone who never respected my things or my privacy and thought so little of me as to consider me a slut at 13 when I had never yet kissed a boy?

" Discovering the true purpose of journaling was for mom to read it and punish me for thoughts I had.
She loved to search my room, hoping to find some dirt on me to further justify treating me like the scum she had already decided I was."

Was there some adult lesson at some point instructing parents to do this? Spy on your children, disrespect their privacy and assume guilt until proven innocent?

What is it with mormon parents and the journal reading? I refused to keep a journal because I already knew my parents went through my room. Anything I wanted to keep private, I kept in my locker at school. Summers I would stash anything private (letters from my nevermo mom for example) with a friend, to be kept at her house until school started again.

And why do they have to assume the worst? One of the things that makes me white-hot livid mad as an adult is when I am telling the truth about something (and might even have data to corroborate my facts, or hard proof) and someone dismisses me as if I'm lying or making things up. I HATE HATE HATE to not be believed, especially when I know I'm citing fact. The reason that makes me so angry is because it was done to me as a kid. My parents never believed the truth. So they'd keep asking the same questions. I knew I was in for punishment anyway, so I'd make up a story that they'd believe and just take the punishment. I think they just looked for and made up excuses to punish so they could feel in control and powerful. They couldn't just accept that we were just good kids, innocently trying to grow up, could they?

My stepmom thought I was addicted to Tylenol because I had headaches every day. There's a lot of reasons I have a lot of headaches, but I'd think, if you were concerned about your kid, you'd have daily headaches checked out by a doctor or something. Could've been a brain tumor for all she knew. Nope. No doctors. Instead she hid the Tylenol from me and forced me to "detox." Dumbass. I just went to the quickie mart with my babysitting money and bought my own bottle -- kept it in my locker. After confirming with my RN mother that there is no way possible to be addicted to Tylenol and that chronic headaches are usually a sign of something more serious. In my case it was: stress from PTSD from all the abuse I was subjected to, sinus congestion from allergies, and TMJ because my parents refused to pay for braces.

My mother used to go through my room with a fine toothed comb. I would write things in a journal just to get her going. It was also how I knew she was always going through my room.

She was one of those who was always accusing me of things I didn't do. I then sat back and watched the fireworks.

When she was all done falling apart I told her the real deal. It didn't phase her a bit. She kept reading my journal anyway. That thing didn't have a single real incident in it. When people insist on snooping instead of having a real relationship they deserve to be set up.

All my mother had to do was have a real relationship with me, and I would have told her everything that was going on in my life. Apparently she preferred snooping and eavesdropping. The temptation to inflate stories was irresistible.

My mom did the same crap. We weren't allowed to close the door when we showered, they were that controlling.

Holy $&#*, are we all related or something? My parents did all these things--read my journals, went through my possessions looking for god knows what, accused me of being a drunken slut (I was a virgin until I left the church and have never had a drink). The worst was when the removed my bedroom door from the hinges to punish me for not making my bed. I had no bedroom door for two years, until we moved into a new house.

I finally convinced my mom to let us shut our doors at night in case of a fire. It took months, though.

Ugh. Me too me too.

I actually kept two journals for a while. One was of the perfect little Mia Maid....

The real one I kept at school and was the real journal of fifteen year old Suzanne.

I got really upset one time after she read my journal and told her she couldn't read it. She said it was her job to read it and that I shouldn't be keeping such a smutty "record" of my life that my children and their children would be ashamed of.

Oh, and I lost door privileges at one point because I was on the phone after nine with a boy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2013 11:17PM by suzanne.

I react the same way to people not believing me. I have such a huge hangup about it when I am so very factual and get dismissed. Our moms must have taken the same lesson to heart.
I'm 35, but my parents idolized their parents way of doing things so I don't know how old this lesson or concept may have been.

I do remember telling the odd white lie as a kid, the standard trying not to get in trouble kind of thing, yes I brushed my teeth, etc. And my mom busted me at it now and then and has held this over my head for the rest of my life.
"You used to lie as a child, are you telling the truth now?"
Now that I'm a grown ass adult she has actually pulled out "what a troubled teen you were" on me! Yes, I was desperate to get away from people who did not support me but tore me down, disbelieved me, and refused to respect what little I could call mine!

We had that whole "doors can't be closed" thing going on too. Can't tell you how many times they threatened to take the door down entirely. Mom even used to peer into the bathroom and tell me that she could see me, I still don't understand that one, I wasn't doing anything she could "bust" me at besides showering and trying not to develop a complex about never having any privacy.

They did come right out and tell me I was nothing but property at one point. And then they expect to have a good relationship like we'd been good chums while they raised us? Yeah, I don't think so.

Is this sort of parenting actually taught at church? You just described me and my mother.

It was awful, being ignored, yet constantly monitored and controlled.

Not much, but for me when I was Gospel Essentials teacher and had pretty much lost my whole testimony. Then came the gospel essentials lesson which talks about how people can become gods, and while I was going to skip over that, someone in class saw it in the book and pointed it out to the class. There was a very awkward silence and people made some comments about how that seemed really weird and why weren't they told that before. I fumbled through some sort of answer which I must have repressed in my mind, faked being sick the next week, resigned from the calling the week after that, and then hardly ever went back. Hope they took the long awkward silence to heart.

There was an old geezer in my ward who bore his testimony every month and just yammerd on and on. One month he kept at it so long that the time ran out and the bishop tapped him to let him know he needed to make an end. Since he wasn't quite finished with his story, he told the congregation to be sure to come next month to hear the rest of his story. He did finish it the next month and the pattern continued until the bishop finally had to speak to him about being a sharing boy.
He was so offended that he stayed away from church for a few months.

The ward just got reconciled to the fact that he would take up most of the time and talk about nothing, so we were shocked when one month he took the stand yet again, but instead of telling us about his vacation or his cow, he started to cry.
He then proceeded to divulge that for 60 years he had been beating his wife and since she was old and going to die soon, he needed to publicly apologize to her and confess his sin.
Needless to say he had everyone's attention that day.

When I was a youngster, we had a big commotion in sunday school. The Sheriff who was a mormon burst into a classroom and arrested one of the men sitting in class. I heard that a few men tried to intervene but the man was taken out of class.

The teacher then explained it was part of a teaching moment about honoring and sustaining the law or something. But, it totally backfired as it really upset some of the men and women in the class and the teacher got into some trouble as I recall.

I was there with MIL and my young new baby in a Red Dress and this "priesthood holder" old ugly man mentioned, very smoothly, his words were :"whore in a red dress"... MIL just sat there smiling like a a fucking robot, did not defend me at all and I knew I did not do anything to deserve that comment.

This thing about the color red has to be some fundy holdover. There are certain colors they are not allowed to wear.
I was allowed to wear red as a small child, but not once I was taller. I look quite good in red, and I wear the hell out of it now!

Red shoes were even worse. And peep toe shoes in red with a tall heel were definitely "whore shoes".

LOL idiots.

Red......my favorite color, other than purple.

I also wasn't allowed to wear red. The one exception was a skirt someone gave me as a hand me down. I wore that thing for years. The older I got, the shorter it got, the more I liked it.

I probably won't go to their funerals, but if I do, I will certainly wear red to my parents funerals.

I wore four inch red heels in the temple at my brother's wedding. Eight months pregnant. SIL's mom and grandma kept sending me evil looks, but I just smirked at them. Even when I was a TBM I was a rebel.

My ex was so bad about dozing off during meetings. (and no, he wasn't 150, he was in his thirties-just lazy as hell) One Sunday, a guy made some fleeting remark during a sacrament talk comparing something to doctors always slapping the newborn babies butts. Ex came out of his sleep/coma long enough to blurt out, "You can tell he's never been in a delivery room!" Then he went back to sleep. Dumbass.

I am LOVING this thread.

When my children were little we received word late on a Saturday night that my father-in-law had passed away. We waited until the next morning to tell the children. They were understandibly upset. Their grandfather had been an alcoholic, they knew he drank, as he used to call it his 'firewater' and would never let them taste it. So we spent a little time explaining how when a person drank too much it affected their health and that that is what had killed their Grandpa. There was no condemnation of him, just a simple truthful answer to their question.

AS I was only a couple of weeks off having another baby,and could not safely travel, and the funeral was to be a few hours drive from our home, and my father in law had asked my husband to do the eulogy because he himself was not religious, I decided to drop the children off at thier Sunday School class as they were used to going to (with me usually of course), so my husband and I could pack all that he needed to travel and be with his mother, and see to the funeral.

A few days later, one of my sons' Sunday School teachers phoned me and expressed condolences at the loss of my father in law. Then she said "Do you mind if I ask if he was an alcoholic?". I said no I didn't mind and yes he was, but how did she know? She said that my son had announced in class that his grandfather had died because he drank too much!!
From the mouths of babes huh? I still haven't quit laughing more than 30 years later!

My friends and I rode our bikes through the hallway of the local LDS church one evening when we were in about the 3rd grade. We went in the door by the chapel, down the hallway, took a right, and went past the Primary room where they had a full room of kids and the partition was open. I was in the rear, so by the time I went by they had all turned around and got a good look at me going as fast as I could. We went out the next exterior door and raced away. I was sweating bullets that my mother was going to get a call, but she never did. I guess I wasn't recognized.

We did it because we needed to store our bikes somewhere for a bit. At first, I thought it was disrespectful to ride around on the carpet, but I quickly discovered that it was too fun to not do. This wasn't me as a 3rd grader. This was me 6 months ago.

My mother objected to only singing the first couple of verses of any of the hymns. So for one hymn she stood up and just kept singing. That she is tone deaf did not help. We kids just wanted the ground to swallow us up, we already got picked on by all the holier-than-thou kids as we were dirt poor and dressed like it.

In the middle of dry-counsel Sunday, what the youth called 'fifth Sunday free nap day' we were just finishing the last hymn, and a group of girls were sitting in the back, gossiping about other girls at school.
Just as the song ended, our laurel president shouted out "who's bisexual?!" at the top of her lungs, and the whole place went deadly silent.
The look on the faces of everyone on the podium was absolutely priceless!!

I consider sleeping in church to be an evolutionary defense mechanism for survival, developed to cope with MORmON meetings that could bore a person to death.

However not all MORmON meetings were boring, some were offensive.

One time I went to a MORmON General priesthood meeting. It wasn't enough that church invaded and messed up so many other things in our lives, it had to screw up Saturday nights too.

any way, some ASSpostHOLE start talking about little factories and how they should be handled ...... er uh NOT handled. It was very embarrassing.

At Ricks college, this idiot faculty member /professor, a religion professor at that, Glenn R. Stubbs got up in stake conference and true to his typical form three sentences into his commentary he started talking about Masturbation, and he used the term explicitly. It was embarrassing.

Most of all I am embarrassed that I contributed to a sick cultist society so these idiots could make a living, and a damn good one at that, by being so STUPID, so obtrusive and so OBNOXIUOS in the name of MORmON God, who is really Joe SMith's penis, which goes a long way towards explaining their MORmON behavior.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2013 10:56PM by lucky.