When my children reach adulthood and find that person they want to share their life with, I will miss that day. Why, because the church says I am not worthy. I haven’t done what I am supposed to do. What is that I am supposed to have done? I haven’t paid them 10% of every dollar that I have, or maybe drank an iced tea or cup of coffee. Maybe I just couldn't find a way to sacrifice my integrity and simply believe.

Let’s consider what I did do...

I gave part of myself that gave them life. I was there when they born. I changed their diapers and bathed them. I cleaned up their vomit and their diarrhea. I held them when they hurt, I kissed the "owies" better. I read them bedtime stories at night. I wiped their runny noses and helped them get the boogers out of their nose. I walked the floor holding them for hours in the wee hours of the morning when they were sick. I provided for them--I fed them, clothed them, gave them shelter, and otherwise did my best to protect them and keep them safe. I praised them, coached them, reassured them, taught them, sat through dance recitals, sports games, school plays, and band concerts. I cheered for them, I've cried with them, I’ve worried for them, I've prayed for them, I've hoped for them, and I've hurt for them. I sacrificed for them. I loved them.

What has the church done for them, and what message have they sent?

In one breath, they tell them they are a child of god and of infinite worth and then in the next breath and on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis—year after year while growing up... they instill fear in them. They've told them they aren't good enough, they're not trying hard enough, they're not doing enough, they're not faithful enough, they're not modest enough, they're not paying enough. They tell them if their “cupcake” gets licked, or they have more that one set of earrings, then no one will want them because they’ve made a mistake and aren’t obedient and that it would be better if they were dead. They tell them if they don’t go on a mission, then they don’t love the Lord, they’re not honoring their priesthood, and no righteous girl will want to marry them. They turn them against their family, their friends, and others when they don't conform to the church, and they teach them lying for the Lord is okay and is the right thing to do.

I guess the church is right, I’m not good enough and I didn’t do right by my family. I’m not worthy. Not for the church's reasons, but because I didn't do everything in my power to protect them from a lying, evil, duplicitous and corrupt organization that is TSCC.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2013 02:02PM by Bite Me.

It sure is a load of crap when you have a chance to sit back and look at the whole ball of wax.

I would always feel uncomfortable as a newly minted member pressuring me to give out names of my family so they could work their magic while the field was white and ready to harvest or something along those lines. MLM at its best.

They tried applying the guilt tactic to baptize different parts of my family always unsuccessfully.

With LDS it is never just good enough to have people go on a Sunday meeting to worship with them,they would almost trip over each other to be the first to make contact with the newbees before they left the building. They look at you as a stat and will do some serious butt kissing to get you into their "waters of baptism" for a score.

I never liked how they enjoyed prying into a persons life and make baseless judgements and assumptions.

They will normally hit below the belt when trying to baptize a target.

A favorite guilt trip they would lay on my relatives would be why do you choose not to bring up your children properly, joining the TSCC will solve everything.That would usually be enough to leave a bad impression and a Thanks but NO Thanks answer to any future missionary advances.

Give me a break what garbage they spew and then wonder why normal everyday people can't stand them.

Agree totally.

This is amazing, and heartbreaking. I might show it to my family if you don't mind.

Please, go right ahead.

This is almost exactly how I feel about my husband's devotion to the church. I may be the one that picks up all the pieces, but I can do no right. And I'm further rewarded for my companionship and devotion by having him cut me out of major budgeting decisions. Guess I should be grateful he hasn't put me on an "allowance."

The church, on the other hand, expects him to jump through multiple hoops. It tells him he's not worthy, that his sexual urges and desires need to be repressed, and basically just takes, takes, takes. They may be the ones filling him with guilt and fear, but they can do no wrong. And the organization is further rewarded for its demands by collecting over 10% of his gross income regardless of whether paying such a steep price means living off Ramen and wearing old stained clothes with holes in them.

It makes no sense.

It doesn't make any sense and just leaves you shaking your head. It's so screwed up.

Your welcome.

You're a great dad!

I was not with my daughter when she was married. I was not "worthy" because I had no desire to renew my recommend with the information I had learned about the church. My husband was bishop at the time and I had decided I would quit the last church job I would ever have. I told him I wanted to be released as ward organist because the church had "spit in the eye of my motherhood" and I no longer wanted to contribute my talents. He didn't know how to reply to that except to say OK. I was released the following Sunday.

A thought that I was having the other day might add to this point. I was thinking about how the church destructively teaches that there is a god force out there that, if you just follow the church interpreted rules and expectations, everything will work out and benefit you and your life. Like some kind of do good insurance policy where the Mormon gods blessings will just rain down on you after you comply and conform. In my experience it never works like that.

In fact I see that taught mindset and paradigm backfiring repeatedly and basically without fail. I've been at the homes of members who devoutly pay their tithing waiting for the blessing deluge to be poured out but sadly, month after sacrificial month look at their barren cupboards and jar of pickles in their fridge.

I've also seen many, many members knock themselves the hell out, doing and doing and doing. And reading their scriptures until the pages are falling out of their triple. Praying and emotionally dedicating themselves to the point of exhaustion. And their results? Unhappiness, contention and unfulfilled lives with over whelming sadness, guilt and insecurity because they can't figure out why things aren't working when they are doing everything right.

Navigating in this world is hard enough to figure out just living it on a secular level. But the false hope and fake security that TSCC teaches about how god is "bound" and basically has no choice but to grant our requests if we just follow the Mormon rules destroys lives and crushes the hopes and self images of its followers.

+1

A-freakin'-men!

+1

wanthetruth,

This is getting off topic, I guess, but what you wrote reminds me of that magical thinking they use in the MLMs/scam world.

It reminds me of this article on "The Secret" scam:

http://www.salon.com/2007/03/05/the_secret/

Loved that article.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 08:03PM by 2+2=4.

I just wanted to say that is one of the most powerful posts I have read.

I would like to see this printed and handed out to people on street corners.

THIS IS NOT A FAMILY CHURCH!

Let them understand the loving hearts they break and how cruel and unfeeling they really are as they shoulder out the ones who truly love and pretend that their love is the "iron rod."

They are cowbirds in the nest.


Anagrammy

PS. Bite Me (love your name) you may miss the wedding but let me tell you that true love cannot be imitated. Over time, if you stay loving, healthy, happy, the shunning will end. Even dogs know who really loves them and the brainwashing wears thin over years.

Well said, Bite Me. My thoughts exactly. You said it better than I ever could have.

I've been struggling with this a lot lately. Like many parents, I would do anything for my children and I try to be the best parent I can. Every week at my husband's insistence, I send my children to a place that tells them that no matter how much I love them and try to be a good parent, I'm not a good mother because I don't embrace the Mormon church.

A few months ago, my teenage daughter told me that for a long time she didn't think that I was a very good mother. Even though she saw me as loving and supportive, she figured that I was not righteous because she didn't ever see me go to the temple or do lots of "churchy" things like other parents. She apologized and told me that she had been wrong. I was happy that she sees things differently now, but it is still painful that my children would ever see me as a lesser mother because a church teaches them to.

My daughter's apology included this wise statement, "Mom, I've realized that if a church always has to remind you that the message is love, it probably isn't."

want2bx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My daughter's apology included this wise
> statement, "Mom, I've realized that if a church
> always has to remind you that the message is love,
> it probably isn't."

That is a powerful statement!

So true & sad! You hit the nail on the head!

Here is a thread that demonstrates the family values that the morgot cult really lives by.

I hate that they do this to people.

That breaks my heart for a three reasons:

1. My MIL isn't Morm and we got married in the temple, we did do a ring ceremony afterwords to include his family, but I know it still caused her a lot of pain.

2. I'm a relatively new mother, with a 17 month old boy. I love him so much that it hurts. I can't imagine one day being left out of something so sacred as my child's wedding...hard enough to think about giving him away, let alone to not be able to be there.

3. My relationship with my parents. They don't know that I'm not in the church anymore. My parents are ultra, Utah-County, TBM and my mom is currently the RSP in her ward. I have felt all of my life like the church came first, before us. I know that my family will be heart broken when they find out. My husband was a convert and my family had huge issues with him at first because when we started dating he wasn't Morm. He just said yesterday, "when your family finds out, they're going to blame me." They will. This church does NOT bring families together. I don't believe that a loving GOD would have such stipulations on families being together through eternity.

I wish I'd read your commentary 20-something years ago, when my husband and I chose a temple wedding that excluded our never-mo parents...


I was totally brainwashed and clueless to the undeserving, unwarranted HURT that caused our parents...


I wish they were still alive, so I could apologize to them...

I am seriously angry right now, for reasons only partly related to this thread, so that may color my thinking. But here are two thoughts:

1) When the time comes, have a non-temple wedding, and politely inform any temple recommend holders that you don't consider them worthy to participate.

2) If a temple wedding is chosen: insist that you be allowed in. Throw things. Yell and scream. Make them get physical. And make sure that you record all this and then get it on the six o'clock news.

Don't rely on Youtube. The G-15 are not scared by that. They still take their cues from the big three TV networks, as if we are still living in the fifties. That's where they are mentally.

Wow! I'm so glad I read this! Sometimes staying up late can be a good thing. I was literally just about to go to bed when something inspired me to read just one more thread before closing out (which usually doesn't happen) and I clicked on this one.

That was one of the most powerful and eye opening posts I've read in a while. And not just the original post. Many of the replies had just as wonderful messages and feel that I have been truly blessed by, whatever it is you want to call it, with a post that will let me sleep well and happily. Thank you so much :)

In my opinion, the sacrifices made to lovingly raise a beautiful child are greater than those made to receive approval by a church/cult.

You sound like a great parent.

Thank you for the original post and this whole thread. I'm up tonight with two sick grandchildren. It was a rough weekend, but I love them so much, that I would do anything for them. I feel that showing them that love, honesty, integrity, and truth-seeking are good qualities--is more important that following the cult. I am very sad that these little ones will (at the very least) go through a period of time, when the adults at their church, that they trust, will teach them that I am unworthy because I'm an apostate. Even if this might be short-lived, it will temporarily cost me my good relationship with them. Already, the girl is talking about being baptized, and the boy is talking about a mission. I will not--can not--support what I believe to be an evil, abusive cult.

The original post was very sobering. I'm sure many engaged couples don't realize what a slap in the face a temple marriage is. I always wonder why these couples don't have the lovely wedding of their dreams, with all their loved ones there, and then wait a year to be married in the temple. It is because the social structure of the cult , the gossip, the lies, the manipulations, are heaped on innocent couples. The rumors would fly, that the couple are "unworthy" of the temple, the bride is pregnant, that they are not very faithful Mormons. They face the same kind of pressure that forces many young Mormon men to go on missions, even against their own heart, reason, and life goals.

Many of us have been posting on RFM for years, because the pain and harassment of Mormonism continues in out lives. No, I won't be able to see my grandchildren get married, either.

Even though our greatest error as parents was making our children be Mormons, we must not beat ourselves up for this. We are out of the cult now, and it isn't over until it's over. Our kids are getting new information all the time, and a great "bleeding out" of the Mormon cult is happening right now. "We lead, so others might follow."

Sad that this is exactly what the LDS authorities say. So sad too that often the parents realize it too late and the damage is done. But one must not give up hope. The adult child can study and research and get himself and his family OUT on his own. Just be there for the sake of catching them all.....they may not need it now but will in the future. My hope is more and more Mormons will get themselves and families out before this causes more stress on families.