It definitely means something different to each person. SLDrone was merely suggesting not to let it consume you to the point of imbalance. And got blasted for his efforts.
All part of the entertainment I guess.
And yes, I love the interesting people here! Especially the blasters.
Don't worry about me, I'm an old timer on these boards and I've been flamed by the best of them. You should have seen some of the flat out brawls Daniel Peterson and I used to have on Lighthouse Ministry.
As for my gay friend, he's a very good friend of 20 years. He's not newly out at all, but he is very militant about his beliefs and doesn't seem to be able to find a life balance. I have no problem with him being gay, in fact I love that about him, it suits him. But I think there is more to life than sexuality gay or straight. Sometimes I just want to say, "give it a rest".
Having said that, it was a poor analogy. Talking about recovery always hits raw nerves and it added too much fuel to the fire and my message was lost.
Finally, I did NOT define recovery at all. I asked others to say what "recovery" means to them. Sometimes a topic is just too hot to touch.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 01:39PM by SLDrone.
I didn't get a chance to blast before the thread closed!
Of course I agree that defining "recovery" for others is treacherous, but I was more upset by the description of his friend's identity expression. Few things are more infuriating to me than people from the dominant class deciding how much of one of my marginalized identities (Latino, gay, etc.) is being displayed too much. If he doesn't like being around that friend, then fine--stay away. But it is such a disturbing exercise of privilege and control to rant about someone being TOO gay or TOO black or whatever.
As for my gay friend, he's a very good friend of 20 years. He's not newly out at all, but he is very militant about his beliefs and doesn't seem to be able to find a life balance. I have no problem with him being gay, in fact I love that about him, it suits him. But I think there is more to life than sexuality gay or straight. Sometimes I just want to say, "give it a rest, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". I'm used to him being gay, and I'm very comfortable and supportive of gay issues. To me there isn't so much a gay issue problem, there is a bigot issue.
Having said that, it was a poor analogy. Talking about recovery always hits raw nerves and including a gay analogy added too much fuel to the fire and my message was lost.
I was just telling someone yesterday that IMO there's no right or wrong way to recover. Sure, if you are stuck in an angry ball of unhappiness, you might need some help. Some people just walk quietly away from the church, drift off, and that works for them. Other people write, some debate, some start support groups, some attend support groups, some get drunk a lot, some have lots of sex, some stay home and watch TV. It's not for anyone to say that the way another person recovers is right or wrong.
People say I can't just walk away, and they are right. Hell no, I won't just walk away. I was harmed, my character was impugned, I've been told I am without heart and compassion, I've been shunned and hurt, and all because of the back-asswardness of TSCC. I will not shut up and go away quietly until I run out of things to say, and who knows when that will be.
Issues that I still have with Mormonism, mostly have to do with relationships with Mormons.
Things come up on a regular basis that irritate me. For example:
People treating my kid like a YW reactivation project.
People treating me or my family with caution/suspicion/or 'less than' because we aren't one of them.
Local government making laws based on their religious beliefs.
LDS church negatively impacts (crosses boundaries or make unreasonable demands of) people I care about, or impacts my relationships with them.
My reactions to these things have evolved over the years, and I understand why LDS people do the things they do, and that most of them have good intentions. But that doesn't make it FEEL okay. The LDS church is kind of like a thorn I keep stepping on. I have to pull it out periodically, and this board is where I do that.
I suppose one could say that it's my fault for walking in a thorny path, that maybe I could just walk somewhere else. But it still hurts when I step on one.
This thorny place is where my family lives and works and where my kids have friends. I guess we've decided it would hurt more to move than to step on thorns once in a while.
I often wonder why these posters who warn of excessiveness don't say it to Eric and Susan I/S. They're still here day after day offering help and support and when we're lucky contributing wisdom throughout possibly the longest exmo recoveries in history and on into eternity.
It reminds me of patient advocates and volunteers who are kind and giving after they survive cancer, suicide or other challenges help their own recovery still more by volunteering to help those with similar problems. Are they consumed? No one can say that from reading an online post or two.
Are you kidding, Susan is a Saint and does a job few could do day in and day out. Eric has too many people counting on him. This website has helped thousands of people, even those that never post a word.
My original post was about balance not abandonment.
Why on earth shouldn't the average person who was duped by the cult dedicate a significant amount of life and effort to fighting it? It has been around leeching off people for a couple centuries, and if everyone who was ever a member "moves on", "recovers all the way", and gets to where they can "live and let live"... Well the leeching cult will continue to steal LIFE ITSELF from many millions more people.
I lost the first half of my life to the cult. Many lost much more. Why NOT be consumed fighting it, we can do it damage! Oh, you've heard enough? You want to talk about something else? Gosh, go read a different website, why dontcha?
Don't worry about me, I'm an old timer on these boards and I've been flamed by the best of them. You should have seen some of the flat out brawls Daniel Peterson and I used to have on Lighthouse Ministry.
As for my gay friend, he's a very good friend of 20 years. He's not newly out at all, but he is very militant about his beliefs and doesn't seem to be able to find a life balance. I have no problem with him being gay, in fact I love that about him, it suits him. But I think there is more to life than sexuality gay or straight. Sometimes I just want to say, "give it a rest".
Having said that, it was a poor analogy. Talking about recovery always hits raw nerves and it added too much fuel to the fire and my message was lost.
Finally, I did NOT define recovery at all. I asked others to say what "recovery" means to them. Sometimes a topic is just too hot to touch.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 01:40PM by SLDrone.
Didn't mean to come to your defense SLD.....I've read your posts for years and know you can more than handle your own.
I meant to point out that it's easy to mis-read/mis-judge a message meant to be helpful. Many hit here for a quick read, make a quick reply and miss the gist of a thread.
Anyway, thanks again for you great posts and hope to see many more.
Still, I appreciated the vote of confidence. It was interesting for me to watch the thread unfold. Many of the responses did not accurately reflect what I had written, but rather expressed anger at what ever thing was triggered by the idea of "just get over it". Something I never said or thought.
"Many of the responses did not accurately reflect what I had written, but rather expressed anger at what ever thing was triggered by the idea of "just get over it". Something I never said or thought."
Not true. You said that recovery should have a beginning and an end. You described becoming "consumed" and being a "one note song." Then you went back and changed what you wrote twice.
You are wrong, I did not say there was an end to recovery. I was saying that recovery was something to control and balance. But I did go back and edit my post to clarify, largely based on the way you were taking what I had said. Regardless of my intent it was being misunderstood. I don't blame the reader for this, I blame the writter.
You've been here a long time Mak, you know what I believe and you know where I stand. You have a frame of reference to know where I come from. I consider you a well thought out person and I respect what you have to say. I struck some raw nerves in a lot of people, but I'm glad you spoke up and helped me. My views did not change but the way I was expressing them did. You are a great man and I appreciate all the good that you do here.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 05:29PM by SLDrone.
SLDrone Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > You are wrong, I did not say there was an end to > recovery.
The hell you didn't. You said that there should be a beginning and an end to recovery, but it's true that you went back and changed it based on the feedback you were getting.
I have a friend whom I love dearly - and we get along great.
BUT!
He won't shut up about cleansing the weak from the strong. Jesus Christ, I get it - eugenics and physical testing will prove who will remain worthy enough to worship you.
"Blah, blah, blah, genocide."
Good god, can't we talk about lesbian porn some more?
The power of the cosmos is within the reach of the mighty. Through strength and cunning I have enslaved gods and monsters. I have held the very strings of fate in my hands. I have consumed the celestial energies and absorbed their power. I have become greater than you could possibly imagine.
Only the strong are worthy of everlasting life and endless glory.
Raptor, your species was choked by soot and allowed famine to destroy them. You are a relic of an extinct species, a sad reminder of the weakness of your kind. You are proof of my greatness, for I control famine. Death is my servant. There is nothing in this universe that controls me. I am an agent of my own will, and all creatures will bend a knee in deference to me.
I am Apocalypse, the first and the greatest of all ex-Mormons!!! I was ex-Mormon at the beginning of existence and will be ex-Mormon for all eternity. And yet I have transcended ex-Mormonism: I have drunk the blood of Christ and become reborn in His holy uterus.
I am Apocalypse!!! Take my tracts, confess your sins to Jesus and despair!!!
P.S. I'll tell you a secret: The pinnacle of human evolution is not, in fact, me, but a bi-curious college girl with an adventurous spirit, a willing girlfriend and a video camera.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 02:27PM by En Sabah Nur.
I still harbor resentment. I deal with this by making fun of TSCC and it feels good to blaspheme. I guess that means I'm still getting it out of my system. For instance, I love the Church of Awesome podcasts. Those guys are pleasingly blasphemous and entertaining.
When you put some time into writing an essay, as you put it, perhaps you should present it as such, an essay you'd like input on.
Then you won't get the reaction of people who think you are addressing them, but rather the opinions of those willing to address your essay as something you have put work into. Something to be critiqued as necessary.
Plenty of input was actually offered, but then dismissed as "reaction".
Am I making sense? After your comments on these several threads I now think that your "essay" is NOT something you would say conversationally to the board, off the cuff. Rather I agree as an essay it needs some critique, the glaringly bad analogy being the starting point.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 05:29PM by WinksWinks.
In the early years of RfM that was always my style and it was understood and accepted as such. We all wrote my essays together, and some of them got pretty long.
After years of not posting, my mistake was just blundering in assuming I was speaking to the same old crowd. And you are right, introducing two controversial subjects in one thread caused a lot of confusion.
The point is to find a way to explain what "recovery" means to each person.
I have done that. And modified and changed it as time went on, starting with a different term all together as "recovery" didn't fit my process.
I call it The Exit Process from Mormonism... with no manual or right or wrong way. Then I go on to explain how I managed my process...
And yes, some people find value or something that resonates with them, and some people take issue with my process, my opinion, my view points, and that's just fine. Flame away! I am flame proof! :-)
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2013 05:36PM by SusieQ#1.