Posted by:
Raptor Jesus
(
)
Date: July 16, 2013 12:50AM
Sometimes on RfM I'll see a post by a "drive by troll" that usually starts with.
"I was googling ideas for FHE,"
or
"I was searching for YM/YW ideas"
or
"I was looking up things for Primary/Sunday School"
Afterwards, the drive by poster is horrified at all the shit that is talked about towards their precious church. Which usually causes a reaction in their post summed up as:
"Wow. You guys are a bunch of Satan Fucked Bigots."
And then the guilt and shame statements come out because, you know, they don't have anything of real value to say. So we get:
"I am deeply saddened at how bitter and angry you poor fucks are."
However, as Anagrammy pointed out in the last "drive by" is that one reason people are searching on the internet is because the manuals are full of fuck all.
When you aren't getting banal bullshit, you are getting jack shit.
You're supposed to have Family Home Evenings once a week. That's, like, 8,000 family home evenings a year. That's an assload of activities you need ideas for.
Sure you could make rice crispy treats again and passively aggressively let Billy know he needs to stop masturbating in the bathroom for so long because there are 8 other fucking people in the goddamn house that need to use the only fucking bathroom in this house!
But everytime you do that, shouting erupts, and mom cries in the kitchen before making that casserole that is slowly poisoning everyone.
And that's just Family Home Evening. The last calling I had was teaching primary, and those manuals are mostly toilet paper.
Rifling through each week was, "Fuck, not doing that. Fuck no, that'll get me eaten alive by those bored little snot monsters." So, you end up giving up and saying. "I guess we can color again for a little while."
It's not a surprise that online communities of Mormons sprout up everywhere trying to help each other spruce up the corpse of those god forsaken lesson plans.
With the adults you can throw out a "controversial question" and let the ward crazies chew on it - which will help waste at least 15 minutes. But those children see through that bullshit. Many times they'd just spout out the "acceptable answers" in random order until they "nail it."
Kudos for them for figuring that out.
"What's the first principle of....?"
"Jesus!"
"Obedience!"
"Tithing!"
"Prayer!"
"Reading Scriptures!"
Oh, Mary got it right. It was...one of those.
And let's just say that YM/YW "jobs" are horrifying callings to "magnify" if you are trying to correlate shit. It's best to just trash whatever they give you and START with the internet.
But that's fraught with peril since the internet is filled with immodesty, immorality, and Satan Fucked Bigots.
But what else are you supposed to do? The last time you tried giving the "licked cupcake" lesson with props, Timmy licked that cupcake in a way that made Sister Pickleberry sit down heavily and fan her-flushed-self.