I took the Mormon church more seriously than most Mormons I witnessed growing up (not like a fundamentalist; I just believed and practiced what they told me) but I saw most people just going through the motions or not practicing what was preached, which contributed to me leaving.

As I learn more about ex-Mormons, they seem to be the ones who took it the most seriously too and were hurt by it the most when they saw the contradictions and damaging, incorrect things the leaders said (or they just had more sense in their head).

Is this true for most ex-Mormons? Or does it just seem that way? It seems the lazier Mormons who have more sense in their head sort of lazily avoid the more fringey stuff.

seconded.

thirded

Yep. Include me.

absolutly

Yep. That describes me. I never realized how most people around me broke "rules" that I never would have dreamed of breaking.

Is this because you "think" too much? You have (had really), strict rules for being a Mormon, followed them, saw that others didn't (both nonmormon AND Mormons), and started to "think" as to why others didn't follow the rules, Mormons especially....

From what I've seen at work and here online, TBMs don't want to have to guide their OWN path to eternity, they want someone else to guide it for them. As a result, the Mormon church helps to raise their kids with activities constantly, camps, seminary, interviews. The parenting is almost removed for the Mormons, except for feeding their kids, housing them, clothing them, and making sure their kids go to school.


If you haven't seen the "Ditch the Herd" commercials for Corona Light, it kind of explains (IMO) why some exmormons become ex Mormons,,

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I took the whole "trying to be a good person" thing very seriously. I still do. But my vision of what the was didn't match up with what the cult taught. I had to leave the cult because it was impeding on my trying to be a good person.

Yes. We were the ones there weren't supposed to leave. The leaders of the next generations.

That's me too! Absolutely.

I took it seriously since birth. A simple comparison to the correlated doctrine/history vs. the actual true history can't be reconciled in my mind.

I like the way Jerrell Chesney put it (previous bishop, stake president and Oklahoma Temple President who left TSCC):

"The factors of truth, honesty, and integrity, were so compellingly influential, however, that, finally, I had to face up to what I had tried hard to avoid. . . [the church] is too full of deceit and hypocrisy with regard to its history and to its continuous representations to the world for me to associate it with the glorious and defining principle of truth. One doesn't wish or expect to find practices of hypocrisy and deceit so interwoven into a true Christian enterprise."

+1000

Initially I attended and clung to the church because my friends were there and for the activities... plus the church's outlook on the family seemed beautiful. Life at home was a disaster, and being young, naive, and needy, I found in the church community and praise and attention. I was a pretty serious wreck emotionally.

Then I started college, started to read, made a stab at a long road to healing, and began to see the church in different lights---black, murky, smokey and then clear. My journey, to borrow the analogy, did consist of peeling the layers of a big potent onion----I cried big tears, just as I cry when I peel a real onion. Frequently I got irate and more irate.

But I also began to laugh A LOT when I got near the middle of cutting through the layers of the onion at how phony ole joe's hoax was. Big belly laughs and the laughs both included my silly gullibility but also how funny humans can be.

I'm not sure they are more likely to leave, but they are more likely to spend years on RfM ;-) the people who never took it that seriously just tend to go inactive or live a jack mormon lifestyle. I think most people on RfM took it pretty seriously and felt, and still feel to some degree, a major sense of betrayal over misplaced or abused trust.

...thought it was total baloney. The others are able to do that put-it-on-the-shelf mind trick.

Yup, I was totally dedicated, but worked to the point of burnout!!

The church was everything to me: 24 out of 27 years of life but no more. Luckily I did get out comparatively early. I took it very seriously and watched some of my friends (who are still in it) definitely not take it quite as seriously.

Taking my calling as a Gosple Doctrine teacher seriously was the reason I first began to doubt. I taught Gosple Doctrine for four years in the mid nineties. I started with Old Testament and ended with Church History and that's where I got in to trouble. While I only taught from approved texts, each year I studied other church approved material. New Testament -Manual and Jesus the Christ, Book of Mormon - Manual and Istitute Manual, Church History - Manual, D&C, BY Discourses, History of Joseph Smith by Lucy Mack Smith and a collection of Diary entries for the year 1856 published by the Utah Daughters of the Pioneers.

There is a reason why TSCC likes to keep the members on Milk. The Meat is tainted.

Not me. I didn't take it too seriously, because it just didn't seem to make much sense to me. My mother, however, took it WAY too seriously, which helped drive me away from it.

I couldn't agree more. I just spent the weekend with my TBM brother and his wife. My wife and I just let them know that we no longer believe the week before. They were so excited for us to start watching the R-rated movies they've been enjoying all these years. We tried hard not to watch any, you know, following the prophet and all that. He also let me know that he'll never be a bishop because he's too busy to home teach and just doesn't even try. They seem to have no problem with picking and choosing what rules to obey, but at the same time explain t us how we are making ahuge mistake leaving. I, on the other hand, always told myself that I had to try to obey all of the rules if I really believed it.

I believe integrity is the word to describe it.

Same here.

Dallin Oaks even openly acknowledged this fact

Do you have a reference for Dallin H. Oaks saying this because I'd love to show it to some of my TBM friends?

I agree - if you are the most sincere in the church, it's the easiest to discover the lies and the hardest to shrug off the betrayal. People who belong to Mormonism like it's a sorority or fraternity, who don't take it seriously, who are cafeteria Mormons are the ones who stay because it isn't a belief system - it's a social one. There is more leeway and more to lose. However, that means there are plenty of sincere ones currently believing as strongly as we did, but who lack the information we got that led us out. So I'm not saying every practicing Mormon currently is shallow. Just the ones who are refusing to keep an open mind and refusing to think.

I did a quick google hoping to find it, but it did not come up right away as it was obscured by other stuff that Oaks said about 100 per centers. But I am quite certain that Oaks said it, a little more effort will likely turn it out.

yes, absolutely

Agree.

Absolutely. Me and my DH both.

I knew I couldn't pretend..........and I couldn't raise kids in it.

KJ/AnonyMs

Yep! Ditto for wife and I. Makes dealing with the world view changes harder for X-TBMs.

You might be onto something there.

It'd say that I definitely took it seriously, upon being told that this was the place to be if I wanted to have a successful eternity.

Maybe that's why we're so angry when it all turns out to be a fraud. It's, "Hey! I took this seriously. You said this was everything I needed to do to get into the Celestial Kingdom and now I find out that it was all bunk?!"

Maybe it's also why we take it so hard once we discover the fraud.

In the Alcoholics Anonymous Faith, there is a slogan which states 'Take what you need and leave the rest' It is their response to their poorly thought out theology.

Ironically, they also state their theology must be practiced in order to 'treat' or 'arrest' a 'medical disease'

Mormonism is not like that, because of its indoctrinating features, all must be accepted and practiced. Social pressure is exerted, in fact social boundaries are routinely crossed to assure adherence. LDS Inc does not kill nearly as many people as the AA faith does however, with its false promises.

I was very serious about my beliefs and the teachings. That was part of the downfall. I actually studied the scriptures like we were taught to do. I spent a lot of time taking notes while reading the BoM and tried to place myself within the stories. I kept track of things like the timeline and the breaking up of Lehi's family. And realized that things just didn't fit right.

Agreed. I was always one of the 'good girls' as a teenager. I wasn't into boys as a teen. I was a serious student and never got into trouble. I took the teachings seriously and tried to do the best I could but still didn't fit in and never felt like I was good enough. Being a single woman until age 30 was a huge struggle for me. I was hit on by men everywhere except at church. Looking back, my treatment as a single woman and then working mom in TSCC helped me get out.

Amen, from me too. I was the only member of my family who converted,
but after a year I was ordained an elder and went on a mission.
Worked my a#s off for two years, was even asked to stay well beyond my two years,
which I foolishly agreed to do.

It didn't register while I was serving just how many other missionaries
didn't take their missions seriously, at least not as seriously as I did.
However, when I got back, married in temple and bought a house in SLC
that it finally started to register how few of the Utah Mormons took the church all that seriously.
That was the red flag that kick started me into doing my "due diligence" concerning TSCC,
that I should have done before I joined it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/16/2013 01:26PM by heretic.