I'm a nevermo who has met some crucial TBM Mormons and I think, "I can see this one being TBM til their last breath"

Then there are some close friends I have who are Mormons, but are kinda in the middle. Like, sure they wear their garments every day, went on a mission, don't drink coffee/tea, go to church every Sunday,etc. But also live in a much less-Mormon area/state and hate Utah, prefer to date non-mormons than other mormons, like to drink coke/other caffeine drinks, don't seem arrogant or judgmental at all, have admitted they have no friends in the church and hate everyone at church.

And to those, they are a little harder to figure out. Can we assume maybe they're in it, but don't believe? That maybe someday they will leave the church? Or perhaps they will always be LDS and continue to deny the things their religion deprives them of but obviously crave?

I know you can never be certain of what is going on in someone's head, but what have your experiences been with friends/relatives who are like this??

Some of the Mormon people I've known who don't seem to believe all of it, or haven't been as affected by some of its toxicity, stay in it because of family, heritage, social/economical benefits, or all of the above. They seem to wear their Mormonism like a worn-out forgotten badge. Their attitude seems like, "Yeah, I'm Mormon. But, so what?"

Maybe they like the religion to a point, but can't stand the culture?

Utah Mormons in general are notorious for being jerks.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2013 12:42AM by liminal state.

really believes or not.

There are jackmormons who will smoke and drink, but will also defend the church until their dying breath.

Nobody ever would have guessed that I would leave the church, including me.

One thing I would say, is that those who aren't that much into the church, don't take it all seriously, but just go for social reasons or for the sake of tradition would be less likely to actually deconvert and leave than a true believer. They might go inactive for a while, but they'd still believe. They don't study scriptures or history, and they don't really have as many expectations of the church. Like maybe they don't care if they have a testimony or not, or they don't care if two scriptures contradict each other. They are just along for the ride.

I'd say that many of the people who have left expected the church to be absolutely true. So are shocked when they discover something isn't right, and they don't want to be a part of it anymore.

Why do you care what a Mormon thinks? It's all a hoax. Do you care how big a Star Trek fan someone is? They are still a fan if they go to all the conventions, even though they don't speak Klingon. I know of some awful pseudo-Mormons who use the Mormon church as a dating service. Dating is so easy in the Mormon church, and the young people will fall for almost any line. They'll marry each other after only a few months of dating, before they discover the bad things about each other. I suspect that's why your jackMormon friends are still members.

What's a "crucial" mormon? I don't understand the term in that context.

How I distinguish a mormon?

They are clean cut. Clothing is modest to the point of being kind of vanilla and generic, just this side of stylish.

They are overeager to be your best friend within seconds of meeting you.

They have no boundaries and will tell you every minute detail about their personal lives within minutes of meeting you.

They are naive and trust strangers way too much. They do not protect information that could be used to exploit them.

They are awkward about cussing, drinking, smoking, "revealing" clothing, and sex. Any of those things come up in conversation, they don't know what to say or how to handle it.

The men tend to be condescending and patronizing. The women tend to be meek little doormats. The children tend to have no boundaries or discipline whatsoever.

I can pretty much pick a mormon out of a crowd at 500 paces -- I live on the East Coast where there are few. When you spot one, they stick out like a sore thumb. They'll be the only ones on the beach wearing a whole bunch of clothing.

Which are answers to the question in your subject line, but the question in the OP is completely different. That question is: what can we assume about a non-Utah TBM mormon? I think the answer to that is nothing. You can't really tell who's a NOM vs. who's a jackmo vs. exmo. You could ask, but other people's religion is like other people's sex lives: It's none of your business.

I don't have any personal experience with this: I don't know any mormons beside my parents. As soon as I left the church, I was no longer interested in spending any time with them because I didn't fit in and I didn't really like those people. So I guess if there's any indication at all, if they are still attending, they're still believing to some degree.

On TV it's simple.

If someone says they're from Utah and they're white and they say they speak another language (or say they spent some time abroad)...yep. Mormon.

If they have a large family and are from Utah...yep. Mormon.

If they are women and start yapping about "values" and "respecting yourself" and they're from Utah...yep. Mormon.

If they are a SAHM and mention how motherhood is the greatest job on earth and can't imagine a career being as important or bringing her as much happiness and they're from Utah...yep. Mormon.

Other religions emphasize values, respect and families and motherhood...but no one TALKS about it ad nauseum nor makes a public spectical of themselves emphaisizing how important it is to their everyday lives.

They just shut up and live.

I was in a (2 hour)queue for a ride at 'Six Flags' during a Californian heatwave where the temperature was about 45c,don't even ask why, we 'had to' go that day due to only having a short time in L.A.

Anyhow,there was a group of teenage girls in the queue behind us and while everyone else was baking in the heat and very scantily clad these girls had long ankle-length skirts on them and wore t-shirts covered by string tops(why,I'll never figure out!).One also wore a scarf.Now that's how you spot the Mormons in the crowd.

I LOVE this!!

But it isn't just the Mormons.

A couple of years ago I was visiting a dear friend in southern Alberta (Canada). She is an active Mormon. Okay, we had been shopping all morning (I am a Canadian and American craft store NUT!!!) so went to a popular restaurant for some lunch.

My friend and I were dressed as most middle aged women would be on a summer day. We had light summer slacks and short sleeved shirts on. My friend of course, was wearing her garments, but it wasn't obvious. What WAS obvious was that there were 4 mormon missionaries over in one corner in their 1950s outfits. My friend had a couple of half-price vouchers for the restaurant, so she took them over to the missionaries. I waved a little as I sat down a little away from them.

Then in walk 2 women, an adolescent girl, and a toddler, dressed in colourful mid calf length, floral dresses and strange black hats over the buns in their hair. I ask and my friend explains they are Mennonites, who, while they don't live in a commune, make all their own clothes and follow strict clothing guidelines. I pick up that they are speaking to each other in German.

Okay I am adjusting to this when in walk several Hutterite men and women off a local commune. The men in (quite well made) dark suits with coloured shirts, dark ties and black hats. The women looked AWFUL. Black mid calf length skirts, aprons, dark blouses and AWFUL spotted babuska scarves on thier heads. They too are speaking German.

So here I am in Canada, (the only one in the room with an Aussie accent) but also the ONLY one dressed 'normally' if you take into account my friend garments. Also only about a third of the poeple in the room are speaking English. All are Christians, and all are eyeing off everyone else as being VERY strange.

Because I am me, I couldn't handle it, it was so surreal, I started to giggle! My friend did too, once I told her what I was laughing at.

I still think it was one of the weirdest experiences I have ever had.