Posted by:
saintdorothymantooth
(
)
Date: July 26, 2013 05:04PM
It has been a very difficult past few weeks for my family. My extended family is very, very close. Maybe because my mom is "the baby", I don't really know... But a few weeks ago, my teenage cousin was killed in a car accident. His mother is an ER nurse and had a very traumatizing experience when he was wheeled in and they had to hold her down. His only brother is a Marine and lives near me here in CA (the rest are in Utah) and took it very, very hard (as expected).
We have been reeling from that loss for weeks, and just got news today while my uncle (the family patriarch) was in surgery that they confirmed he has pancreatic cancer. They removed a bunch of organs that were now cancerous, and are testing on some lymph nodes to see how aggressively it has spread. Either way, it isn't looking good. I looked at the prognosis for his type of cancer and its just so, so bad.
I never knew my grandfather, he died just a few years before I was born. This uncle is my mom's oldest brother -- 16 years older, actually -- and has been like a father to her. My heart aches for her hearing this news today.
I also feel like in the wake of all of this, I'm just here, away from everyone physically and spiritually. I've come to my own agnostic conclusions recently (leaning more toward atheism) and I am at such a loss here. Everyone around me is on auto-pilot about the plan of salvation, and "being in a better place now." I would never open my mouth about my new-found beliefs at a time like this and attempt to take away their comfort, but its so confusing for me now. I don't want to just jump in speaking platitudes that I don't believe in, but I don't want to take it away from them, either. And I also don't want to be left out of the conversation, because it is my loss, too...
I don't think I'm equipped for this quite yet... any insight?