To make a long story short, I masturbated through my teen years like many other people did. The big difference between me and many other members was that I was actually honest with the Bishop about it. So essentially at 19, I moved to Utah to try to get away from it and it didn't work as far as not masturbating went. So I continued to be honest with the Bishop up to about 21. I had actually succeeded in not masturbating for 6 months at that point and started the papers.

I "slipped up" again and again after that but was way to embarassed to admit that and have my whole world crash down on me. So I started lying, up to and including to the Stake President's face. I was surprised when his "power of discernment" did not instantly identify me as the "sinner" that I was.

I carried guilt over this whole thing even to this day. But just today, when I was talking to my Dad, he told me something absolutely ground breaking. He told me that my Bishop in Utah called him in Maryland and told him something like "please encourage your son to report that he's not masturbating." What the HECK is this? My Dad told me that most leaders at the local level simply don't want to deal with masturbation. This raises up a whole set of questions like:

If masturbating really will make one unable to serve a mission, why would a "Judge in Isreal" call my Dad 2100 miles away and encourage me to lie?

Wouldn't this Bishop and others face condemnation for knowingly allowing masturbators to serve missions?

He probably just figured that they'd sort it out in the mission field. I remember some wackjob 70 came to my mission and met with all us missionaries, he convinced the mission leadership that we needed to run from door to door along with alot of other BS (I've tried to just block it all out).

But the best part was at the end when he insinuated that if we were masturbating it would keep us from baptizing, after which he pointed to specific missionaries and told them he needed to meet with them afterwards. My companion, one of the nicest people I've ever met, was picked out for what I can only assume was . . . being a masterbater.

Looking back it's hillarious, but at the time my comp was crying and freaking out about being called out to meet with that douchebag seventy. And about 6 months later Monson stormed through, told us not to run door to door, and the next conference that 70 was released.

So, in short, the bishop you met with must have been inspired to tell your father to tell you to lie to your SP. You see, the lord will prepare a way for his servants to find all the masterbaters, this I testify of



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/28/2013 08:25PM by frightenedinmate2.

My bishop signed my papers and gave me my recommend to go to the temple knowing about my ongoing "problem" with The Little Factory that Could. He said that it wasn't technically a violation of the law of chastity. It's all going to depend on the bishop.

But....But...Your Father DIDN'T tell you!?
Why Not???

He told me today which is 2 years after my mission.(I only served for 3 months, and 3 months was actually on my call letter) It's likely that today is as much as 3 years after that little exchange happened. And it's probably because he forgot about it by the time I called him again, since I'm out here in Utah and he's in Maryland. Needless to say, it shocked me to the core when I found out about it.

Mormon ecclesiastical policies about masturbation are a complete train wreck. There is no standard of logic and practice as far as I know. I would imagine most leaders are like your bishop hate dealing with it. Their main concern is moving young people along the conveyor belt and ensuring you have loyalty for the chain of command. One of the worst things they can do is hand out the infamous Packer pamphlet and leave teens to absorb it's harmful ideas literally, which I did.

I'm sorry you had to go through your teens like that with meaningless guilt. I did too. I actually was successful at stopping completely from about 15 until I resigned from Mormonism at 22, which undoubtedly inflicted some mental damage that I am still recovering from years later.

My brain has this bizarre habit of feeling extreme shame for the most irrational reasons. I am certain it is related to the extreme will power I used to block out all sexual impulses as evil temptations. Something was physically bent in my brain by trying to live up to this twisted concept of sexual purity. It is slowly, but surely being bent back into a healthy shape through Cognitive Therapy.

Can you relate at all to my experience?
Why do you think you still feel guilt? Are you still involved in the church?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/28/2013 08:49PM by Brian M.

I can sort of relate, and I have read the talk For Young Men Only. I still feel guilt because despite the name of the site and this board, I remain a member and will likely continue as such. Where would I even begin to bring this up among other members though? I can assure you that my current Bishop(not the one who called my Dad) is about to get an earfull from me.

You could always shoot your stake president an email. Although I seriously doubt anything would happen to the bishop, but you never know how church leadership will react, it varies so much from one ward/stake to another.

I've always felt that the church is purposely vague about masturbation, it's like they want to shame you into, at the very least, feeling really really bad about it. But when brought up to church leaders it doesn't seem to be taken very seriously. Kind of a do your best and if you talk to us we'll say something supportive and maybe follow up with you later kind of thing.

Edit: You never hear somebody say "I used to be the bishop, but then I masturbated this one time and they released me" if it were that easy, all the bishops would do it after 3-6 months of being called!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/28/2013 09:09PM by frightenedinmate2.

One of my BYU bishops claimed that he didn't know what masturbation was until he became a bishop and heard so many confessions.

Slightly off topic, but in my younger years I thought masturbation had something to do with candles and dark wizards.

It's obvious fathers aren't talking to their sons. Until the fathers talk to their sons and the leaders, and tell the leaders to stop tormenting their children, this won't stop.

The mormon leadership isn't going to stop. They will persecute members about all kinds of trivial things unless you tell them to knock it off. The parents have to have the courage to possibly lose their membership in order to stand up for their own kids. A lot of the parents love the church more than their kids. They will defend the church every time.

OK, so who else secretly wanted to answer the Bishop's probing interview questions with "none of your damn business?"

Bishop - do you have a problem with masturbation

Elder - Nope, works every time