First timer here, so please excuse me if I don't use the common acronyms.

I've been LDS my whole life and as a teen I "rebelled" a little. I absolutely LOVED the social activities, friends, campouts, even doing baptisms for the dead and being class president were pretty cool. My parents allowed me to attend my friends' church as long as I attended mine. I decided to stick with LDS since I figured while the meetings were more fun at the others, it seemed like the reverence at mine was better.

After moving out of the house I attended a singles ward, however I still enjoyed my rebellion, secretively. My husband, an RM, and I were both "less active" members, "rebelled before marriage", and married civilly. We attended regular meetings, held callings, paid tithing (most of the time), and even meet with the Bishop regarding going to the Temple. (Could be in part to the fact we lived in my parents basement.)

Around 3 years after we wed (no kids yet), we were sealed in the Temple. This is when the rollercoaster began.

I wasn't prepared. I felt like I totally entered a cult. I was told that everything was symbolic and that I won't understand everything. I'm supposed to just go along with it and continue to go. Each time I will learn something new. I figured, my Grandparents go, and they're pretty cool, it couldn't hurt me. So I went again. I went several times, performed different ordinances, and each time I came out feeling like crap and that I was gonna be struck by lightning.

We've stopped going to the Temple and lucky for me, my husband and I both feel the same way. He showed me this site which has helped with some of my concerns. Honestly, we've been going to church only because I felt it was important to bring our 2 kids, 6 and 4, so they can grow up with the fun stuff and learn about values and other good things that religion can offer. But then I started to think about the brainwashing and what if they want to get baptized, or go on a mission, or get married in the temple...

Longer story short, we've talked and talked, and we've decided to resign as a family. However, we're postponing it for family. My mom passed away in October 2012 and my dad's remarrying next month. Not a problem, I'm ok with this cuz my mom was battling cancer for 7 years. We've all had time to be where we're at. However to alert the family before this "happy day" seems like a bad idea, and would cause unwanted "family drama" at the wrong time.

I'm completely at peace and actually excited about resigning. This has actually made our marriage stronger since we've decided on this. However, I am very worried about our relationships with our extended families. Both sides are extremely "Mormon", some of which are in the Bishopric and Seminary teachers.

Thanks for hearing my heart. Reading your posts have given me more confidence.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/29/2013 11:54PM by truly82.

Thanks for sharing your story. Best wishes on sharing the news with your extended family whenever you feel the time is right.

Wonderful news and so glad you are saving your kids. Although I do not understand you liking Baptisms for the Dead, I can let that go (I am a nevermo, but my daughter converted due to love). Something tells me she had to hate the temple as much as you did. I sure hope so. She married civilly and later went to the temple after converting. I am so happy about that. Her wedding was so nice.Now, they are less active I believe. Her hubby is taking classes and even told her she doesn't have to do any church stuff...taking care of their four yr. old is more important. I am giving him extra points for that.

I understand how you do not want to ruin your Dad's new marriage activities and that is a nice thing to do. But shortly after, I hope you can make this break and begin your new life. At least you have gone to other churches and know something about them. My mainstream church has great activities for kids....summer camp, vacation bible School and Sun. School each Sun. with some extra Sat. activities. I do hope if you still have belief you will find a church that you can all accept and attend. It will make the transition easier for your kids and guess what?....when you take a couple wks. off-like to go to the beach or the mtns.- they will not hunt you down. And guess what? They will not keep asking for money...you give as you can and never get asked about it.

Although some of your family may turn on you, just know that loving Christians do not act that way.If they love you on the condition that you attend THEIR church then that is very hollow love. Best wishes and you will make tons of new friends. Don't worry about that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2013 12:18AM by honestone.

My one and only trip to the temple set me on the course of leaving the church. I barely attended afterwards although it took me another 30 years to officially get my name removed.

I am very excited that you have made this decision for your children, who are vulnerable and could have negative experiences that would mar the rest of their lives.

Regarding the Mormon family. All they can do is express disappointment in you and their feelings that you will not be in heaven, or the accusation that you are keeping the rest of them out of heaven.

If you prepare a standard statement ahead of time and understand why they MUST say these things, it will not be that hard.

You understand that each one has to be able to say to the other some version of "I told her to her face she would now be subject to the buffetings of Satan." This is how they prove their spirituality to each other, the equivalent of teenage boys bragging to each other how they told some guy off. This is just Mormon brainwashing which is promoted by the temple questions:

"Do you associate with or have sympathy with any apostate groups or individuals?"

For you and your husband, if you write down your feelings about the church and why you are leaving, it will be pages and pages. Still, get it all out. Then condense it down to five pages. Then to one. Then to a paragraph. For example:

"When I learned that the Book of Abraham original papyrus had been given to the church in the sixties, I was shocked because my lesson manual said it was burned in the Chicago fire. I looked it up and came across a church website that showed Joseph Smith having 30 wives--which was ok under the polygamy revelation, but it turned out some were as young as 14 and others were already married to Joseph's counselors. That did it for me."

This is far better than what most of us blurt when we are unprepared, which is more like "The church lies about its history and Joseph Smith was an adulterous pedophile who actually fake-married his friends' wives to have sex with them!"

Your children are so lucky to have you for parents. And isn't it wonderful what it does for your marriage when you realize that your husband chooses to be with you out of love for the real you instead of love for his church promises?

Best

Anagrammy

I don't plan on joining any other religion, I believe my kids can have awesome experiences without church.
I do think I'll try to come up with some standard statement. After all, I always received a standard statement to my questions in the church.

truly82, my husband and I are resigning in the next few weeks as well and are not joining another religion either. I have recently found out that a handful of my friends were raised with no religious affiliation whatsoever and you know what? They're incredible, amazing people. I hope I can do the same for my son and you can for yours!

I am so, so glad to hear that your spouse is on-board, as well. There are so many stories on this board of happy marriages that have ended harshly because of the church. My heart breaks a little every time I read one. So happy that you and your family will be on a new "adventure" with a fresh lease on life now that you're not living within the confines of TSCC's debilitating world. So far, I have enjoyed every moment of my newfound freedom and I hope you do too!

Sorry about your mother. Best wishes.

Congratulations on your decision, and while it will be rough for a while once you tell the family, it is a 'must' to feeling good about youreself in the long run. Good luck and all my very best to you and your family. I hope your Dad and his new wife will be happy, and I think you are a wonderful daughter to have handled all the upset over your mother and see your Dad's need to move on. That is very special and rare.

Going to the temple was a major turning point for me too.
.... I wish it had been an even bigger turning point!

I was getting pretty tired of the church even as a teen.
I had quit seminary, but somehow my parents kept me lined up to go on a full time mission. ( WHAT A SCREW JOB THAT TURNED OUT TO BE!!
I know all too well that many go with the understanding that there will be a big pay off in assistance afterward from Mom and dad in going to school, getting married etc, this in return for making mom and dad such proud parents of an RM. NOT for me though, I got to have my bank account cleaned out for which I was supposed to be grateful and then miraculously start my adult life with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!)

The temple ceremony just flat freaked me out, I was expecting to see god or angels, instead I got Naked touching, death threats, mock throat slashing, chanting, STUPID secret handshakes. I should have promptly took off those stupid garments, moved out, and refused to go on any full time mission to sell this insane unmentionable LDS BS to others.

Its hard to admit that I actually went on a mission after that!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLLaJLX0EFM



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2013 01:53AM by lucky.

Thank you for that youtube video. WEll done by the way....good music and the words kept simple and carefully placed. Proof that sometimes it only takes a single person to set in motion one's exit from a cult.

I too really enjoyed that video. I went thru the temple after they stopped the throat slashing signs. The fact this sacred ceremony has changed at all, to me, shows there's something wrong with it all. If it's so true it should be unwaivering.

I never finished Seminary. My teacher called me Satans daughter because I'd walk around with my arms linked with guys and allowed them to walk with their arm around my shoulders. Actually these were just friends, truly they were, and if I hugged one near the building I'd get an earful.

Both my brothers were called on a mission. The oldest had some scary situation had on his mission causing him to come home. My parents were sad that their son didn't finish his mission, but they moved on. The other only made it to the MTC. He said he saw dark figures in the hallways and felt wrong, so he came home. Naturally my parents felt like failures and were ashamed. It's so sad the pressures and heartbreak any family goes thru for this.

Sad for sure that it makes parents feel like failures when in reality your brothers tried it and it wasn't right for them....I know a boy also who only got to MTC...can home pretty quick. In reality your parents don't know what a blessing it was that they did not have to go serve in such a way and waste two yrs. of their lives.

Thanks for your honesty!

You sound like the type who keeps their own direction in life.

Stay that way!

I think you'll all be better off without the mormon church.

Welcome to RfM. I hope you find it helpful during the transition and in case of family complications.

Congratulations! Welcome to real life! You will be delighted on a daily basis at how the world looks through different eyes!

If I had any advice, it would be to "come out" to the family sooner rather than later. We hid it for quite a while, but once we 'fessed up, we felt such relief and freedom. Granted, the TBM family thinks we're broken, but at least we know that we are more genuine and honest than ever.

Namaste...

Good for you for allowing your mind to join your heart. So excited to see a whole family find the truth.

And I have to say, that line about learning something new every time you go to the temple? Biggest lie ever.

Cheers to you and your Family. I so do not miss the temple of doom and the craziness. How my Mom and Sisters stay with it through all these years is beyond me. I think they are on auto pilot in more way's then one. Heart consciousness is joy for me.

It's amazing to me how the temple can be both super creepy culty, and incredibly boring and banal. You really have to hand it to Joseph Smith & Co. for stealing that one from the Masons and then adding their own wierd polygamy mumbo-jumbo to it. Makes your head spin.