I'm the type of person if you start to annoy me, I'm going to ruffle your feathers because 1) I want to get rid of you and 2) I love to see the reaction.

One of my Mormon friends was trying to scare me back to church saying they really would hate to see me held back by turning my back on God. My reply was I knew God very well. I said my main eternal goal was to have sex with God because I heard she was really hot.

Man. The look on the dude's face was priceless and he got so angry I thought he was going to punch me in the face. He was like a Muslim going off. Steam came out of his ears and I haven't heard from him since. Mission accomplished!

When he tried that Gordon B. Hinckley nonsense on me that "Either the first vision is true or the church is a hoax." I had mentioned to the bishop several of my concerns about the church and he tried telling me just to pray about it. Then he specifically said I needed to read and pray about the First Vision for the above stated reasons. I came back with "Done. Joseph Smith's own handwritten version of the First Vision contradicts what is taught today and says he just saw Jesus and had his sins forgiven. None of the early Saints left any record that they knew about a First Vision. Even Joseph's mom didn't mention it in her autobiography. Brigham Young taught in 1852 that Joseph saw Moroni in the first vision. Even the D&C section that talks about important events prior to the founding of the church doesn't mention the first vision ..." At this point, he cut me off and the look of shock on his face was priceless. I could have started undressing and I wouldn't have floored him more thoroughly. He never quite recovered his train of thought after that. He's an idiot.

The other great, shocked looked came from DH when I casually said "Oh, you went through the temple in '87, didn't you? So you were there when they still did the death oaths and the throat slitting stuff." He had no idea what to say. I told my kids about that part of the temple ceremony later and how it had been changed 20 years ago and how probably, in their lifetimes, people would say it never happened - that it's an anti-Mormon lie. But I told them, if you want to double check, go to someone who went through the temple before 1990 and say the same thing to them. They won't answer, but you will know from the shocked look on their faces and the momentary stunned reaction that you hit the nail on the head and you'll know that I'm telling the truth about this.

My Top Three -

#3.) Told a Bishop who was supporting a tithe-paying, priesthood-holding child molester over his victims that he "should resign as Bishop and give up the charade of being led by the spirit".

#2.) As a Stake Athletic Director I got into a nose-to-nose confrontation with my asshole Stake Prez. before a softball game. He screamed "Do you support me as your Stake President?!?!". I said "When you are behind the pulpit I do, but here on the softball field I am in charge!!".

#1.) I called the MTC Prez. and a G.A. "Sons of Bitches" moments before walking off of my mission and out of the MTC.

I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that come to mind.

Mr. Happy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My Top Three -
>
> #3.) Told a Bishop who was supporting a
> tithe-paying, priesthood-holding child molester
> over his victims that he "should resign as Bishop
> and give up the charade of being led by the
> spirit".
>
> #2.) As a Stake Athletic Director I got into a
> nose-to-nose confrontation with my asshole Stake
> Prez. before a softball game. He screamed "Do you
> support me as your Stake President?!?!". I said
> "When you are behind the pulpit I do, but here on
> the softball field I am in charge!!".
>
> #1.) I called the MTC Prez. and a G.A. "Sons of
> Bitches" moments before walking off of my mission
> and out of the MTC.


Did you ever tell us about #1 and #3? I remember reading about #2.

"I'm just not happy [in the church]."

I know. It's not much, but it's the best I've done so far in my early exmo life.

When I do blow someone's mind and shock them it will be because I am not even thinking of it. I will be so far beyond worrying about their sensibilities and "peculiar" brainwashed sensitivities that I will just lay something out there. I don't think I would go out of my way to give some Mo [Howard] some $h!t.

Wait. I did tell my tbm wife, as we were both crying during one of those coming out heart to heart talks that "It's all bull$h!t"; said while sobbing.

Spoken to the senior of the two missionaries who stopped by:

"Your religion is silly."


He visibly stiffened as I uttered the phrase and patted him on the back.

I never needed to say much to them while I was "active"ly engaging in consentual sexual relationships with most the "wanting to be" good molly mormons I dated, but easily influenced. The rest was history. I made sure we had chemistry and clicked as a couple who truly did care about one another and we dated for a while before any extra curricular activities happened. My wife already knows each and every bit of my past, and finds it perfectly normal, so it wouldnt be news to her anyway. Although, her dad tried giving me "the talk" shortly after we got married. Lol! Little did he know, I was already well experienced and responsible in that department



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2011 12:07PM by experienceheals.

"The LDS church leadership recently made a change to the introduction to the BoM, which has implications concerning the beliefs towards Native Americans"

The missionaries did not believe it at first. They thought I was making it up. They were absolutely shocked. They were confused and when I showed them that even the lds.org version is different than the copies they had in their hands, their jaws dropped and they literally had nothing to say.

Now, this is not the most shocking thing I have ever said, but this was the most shocking thing they had ever heard.

My husband wants me to say " go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all filled up here" Hope i get the chance!

Not sure I understand the humor in OP's comment that "he was like a Muslim going off", unless the statement is meant to be deliberately offensive on multiple levels. But it seems that's exactly what this thread is about.

I have no respect for either religion.

I've been in trouble for:

Saying in a lesson that Bednar's talk felt like a whack on the head.

Saying that God is a psychopath.

Saying that I think Jesus will be slapping BY and GBH around when they got up there.

Telling the Bishop that Gospel Doctrine Class is like Primary for adults.

Didn't get in trouble for some other things:

Like having a non-alcoholic Coors when the EQ pres came to visit, and getting him one too. I was TBMish at the time.

Saying the MoTab choir is dull and boring in class.

Saying at my older brother's mission farewell during my talk that I'm glad that it's him going, not me.

When the TBM's were saying dumb judgmental stuff in GD class, I said, "Didn't Jesus hang out with prostitutes?"

Etc. etc. etc.

My TBM father in law snuck a blessing in on my daughter when she became very ill while we were visiting and without my or my husband's permission. After being up all night giving cool baths, popsicles, and tylenol she seemed a little better the next day. Then he has the gall to say "well, looks as if my blessing last night seemed to work."

WTF?!

I say "That Voodoo magic MUST have been what it was...not good parenting..."

that I thought "the Y" was a gym.

they were shocked, but I was sincere and really didn't know.

I thought the same thing, as the only parts of Utah I've ever visited were Monument Valley and Zion National Park. As a hormonal convert, I had always though that the "Y" was the YMCA/YWCA.

I've been home with a sick kid all day and I gotta say---Y'all made me laugh.


There's a family with 26 kids in our community. Seriously, the parents are 64 years old and they just adopted three small children. Seven of the kids are their own, the rest adopted. They adopted children that are now adults have NO contact with them. Gee, you think?

We ran into them at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago. They are always overly friendly. My husband made a point of asking about a few of their adopted adult children. They uncomfortably gave us a "news" version---You know, "Seth is working as a construction worker in Michigan" type stuff---obviously nothing more than what they read on Facebook or whatever. When this little pow-wow was wrapping up, my husband said, "So things are just chugging along, huh? Just keeping the fun in dysfunctional, right?"

The couple laughed and was jovial, until they got what he said. Their looks were priceless.

"Well, the church isn't for everybody"

I say this a lot when someone tells me about difficulties getting investigators to commit.

They look at me like I'm deranged.

Actually my father, who was in the Stake Presidency at the time, told me this exact thing when I was around 17. (I had already quit going to church.)

A few years back, I e-mailed the new bishop (lived 2 doors down--seems all the recent bishops have been my CLOSE neighbors). So--I got his e-mail address from my daughter and told him "No VTs or HTs." My VT had just died (a friend) and half the women in the ward were coming over to offer to be my VT. I also asked him to PLEASE quit telling my daughter (he and his wife) that it was her job to save our family.

He started to preach to me and bear his testimony in e-mails. The first thing I told him is that I didn't recognize him as having any authority over me (he actually agreed because I hadn't been to church to sustain him). He reminded me of me walking by his house to go to church years ago. I REMINDED HIM that he was MOWING HIS LAWN while I was walking to church.

I guess it was talking about how successful a coffee night fundraiser was in college, and the person happened to be a Mormon at some beach clean-up I was at. It wasn't until I saw the garment lines that I realized I offended someone.

"Good Hell! You can't actually believe this shit!"

I wasn't teaching this particular class just attending. The discussion was on 'believing blood'. The premise was that when someone who is not of the House of Israel is baptised their blood is literally changed so that it is now Isralite blood. They are changed from being a Gentile to being a member of the House of Israel.

I voiced my opinion that it was just figurative but certain members of the class were not having any of that. Nope, they said it definitely was a literal change in that person's blood. That was it for me; couldn't stomach anymore and that is when I uttered the above.

I got up and walked out. Last mormon Sunday school class I ever attended.

You are much braver than I.

I'm a pretty good non-conformist, but I don't have enough to pull that off.

Aaah - TSCC: the only group of people who believe that Jews aren't Jews unless they're mormon.

into the LDS church you can REALLY be a member of the House of Israel" <said with big eyes and a look of being really earnest>

Not a statement but a question. My then bishop told me they don't do temple divorces anymore (this was 1993). I asked him why because I wanted one from my ex. He said everything would be worked out in the eternities.

My question that stopped him cold: "So, D--(ex husband) will be turned into a straight man then?"

He sat there speechless.

Mormons that showed up out of the blue: they had just had sex with Satan and were pregnant with twins.
That got the inactive member's name off the records without writing a letter! :-)

I worked in an office that the employer's son (14) was also working occasionally as a summer job. . One afternoon, I walked in the breakroom and saw the son masturbating while watching a "steamy" TV program on the little TV in the room. I was irritated to say the least. While I am a big fan of masturbation and far from a prude,I found it to be disturbing in the professional setting we were in. I approached the TBM employer and told him that that I didn't think his kids behavior was appropriate for the work place. I described the situation I had walked into. I still remember his horrified look as I spoke. LOL. I got up to leave and I remember saying "there is a time and place for everything, and this may have been the time, but not the place."

I later heard from a co-worker he thought I was lying, as his son would never do that. Yeah, right. I eventually left that job.

My dad and I were waiting somewhere, and I teased him about his attending a ward outside his boundaries, and joked that it was because he didn't want to have a calling.

Dad: That's funny, coming from a pagan*.

Me: Aren't we the pair? The pagan and the polygamist!


*I'm not a pagan, I don't know where he got that.

I was working in my yard one Sunday and the neighbor lady came over by the fence and said or so smugly, "You know, what you do on Sunday you'll have to do with your nose in heaven."

I smiled and gave a little laugh at her, then wiped the smirky smile off her face by saying, "Do you really believe that?"

The smile left her face because she felt so stupid and she had to say, "No."

It reminds me of "Happy Gillmore" when the obnoxious golf pro says, "I eat shit like you for breakfast," and Happy Gillmore says, "You eat shit for breakfast?"

Then I said to her, "You ought to tell Fred (our neighbor across the street) that. He'd be happy to know there will be beer in heaven even if he does have to drink it through his nose."

She walked away.

Actually,this may not surprise some of you, but I persisted in telling one of my past girlfriend's parents how they can do a better job in parenting. I know, it wasn't my place to do that either, but they were way overly strict, causing more harm than good. I was hoping they'd let their pride down just enough to allow their 22-23 year old daughter, more free agency and trust. Her parents had major control and trust issues.