Before I get started, I know what many of you will say when I tell you I'm a 20 year old female agnostic (& exmormon) dating a sweet TBM RM 24 year old guy. I know, it's sketchy, but so far it's working out & I enjoy being when him.

So anyway, today my boyfriend & his family went to the temple. His little sister is getting married in the temple next week, & his little brother is leaving for a mission soon. Both of them went through the temple today to get their endowments. I'm totally supportive to both of them, I mean it's their life & they seem happy, & I congratulate them for their "accomplishments" even though I find a temple marriage & an LDS mission hardly so.

I try to act excited with my boyfriend, but it just really bothers me, I don't like it - especially today. It bothers me knowing he was there in the temple dressed in a ridiculous outfit, making silly promises, & performing weird handshakes... it's just... weird.

Mormons say how "special" & "sacred" the temple is & getting endowments, but let's be real people... it's just a freaking weird ceremony for getting weird uncomfortable... underwear! Wtf.

I just don't get it. Why all the hype? It's just some friggin panties.

I'm sorry for the rant, I'm usually not this worked up. But I've been bothered with this all day. So much, in fact, I've become sick to my stomach.

The temple is weird. The end. Or amen (lol) whatever.

Lucy.

Do you have limited options in boyfriends? Bold question, but really do you need this stuff in your life? It would seem if you have options, bounce. No need to figure out the garbage that is Mormonism and Mormon families.

It's a mess, a very unpleasant mess.

Deluded is not happy, they are deluded not happy. If they say how they feel they fall into the unworthy camp. Pray, read, and fast more.

It IS weird. And congrats on figuring out that fact.

A lot of TBMs are fine people, but reflecting on the whole thing, it's obvious to me they have been deluded and deceived, just as my DW and I were nearly our entire lives.

If you value your inegrity (and the notion of having a future spouse who isn't spun up with inanity and insanity), you might want to get a feel for how receptive your "sweet TBM RM" is to the facts. There can be a LOT of tension in a relationship when a TBM is hooked up with someone who is actually objective abut facts.

I've been wanting to share the stuff I learnt about mormonism with him for a long time. I just don't know how to start a conversation like that without it sounding like I'm attacking him. Because I'm not. If anything, I'd love for him to find the truth I have & start feeling truly good about life. It's presenting the truth to him in a loving, friendly way that I'm struggling to know how to do.

Amen.

I thought it was weird even when I was a believer.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2013 09:46PM by dydimus.

I don't mean to be the armchair shrink but do you think your awful feeling is coming from a possibility that you aren't being completely genuine? Are you trying too hard to be something for these people? Something you aren't?
No offense to you and I don't mean to sound like I'm slamming your stuff, but I have a long history of people pleasing and I can smell it a mile away.
I'm just saying that when I say one thing but really think or feel the other I become aware of a sort of split inside. I don't feel authentic. I feel like I'm not being true to me.
What would happen if you didn't say or do anything "exciting". You wouldn't necessarily have to express your true feelings, but what if you didn't try to swing excitably the other way and attempt to express feelings or visual excitement, words and phrases or compliments that are not in alignment with your real feeling on the subject?
What if you said nothing?
Do you suppose your self is trying to tell yourself to be authentic in view of how you really responded?
I'm only offering ideas to ponder and it doesn't matter to me one way or the other, it's just that I've seen this in myself all too many times and I recognize the familiarity in your post.
I can relate and upon analysis I've tried to people-please by being or saying something that wasn't in line with my insides while every part of my self was trying to tell me the best way it could.
I once used the people-pleasing method and expressed words and gestures that I didn't mean and programmed myself into a testimony.



lulavina Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> I try to act excited with my boyfriend, but it
> just really bothers me, I don't like it -
> especially today. It bothers me knowing he was
> there in the temple dressed in a ridiculous
> outfit, making silly promises, & performing weird
> handshakes... it's just... weird.
>
> Mormons say how "special" & "sacred" the temple is
> & getting endowments, but let's be real people...
> it's just a freaking weird ceremony for getting
> weird uncomfortable... underwear! Wtf.
>
> I just don't get it. Why all the hype? It's just
> some friggin panties.
>
> I'm sorry for the rant, I'm usually not this
> worked up. But I've been bothered with this all
> day. So much, in fact, I've become sick to my
> stomach.
>
> The temple is weird. The end. Or amen (lol)
> whatever.
>
> Lucy.

See what I mean? You're words above don't line up with your excitement and congratulatory words you expressed.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2013 09:52PM by joan.

Yep. Its weird all right. I think probably every Mormon, no matter how TBM feels that to some extent the first few times they go. I think you get a bit desensitized to how weird it is eventually. I mean, if you painted yourself orange and ran around wearing a pot on your head, you'd think it was weird. But then if everyone you knew did it, and you participated every couple months or so, after a few years, eventually that would just become normal to you.

I'm still not sure why people stand up and say how great it all is. Is everyone faking it, like I was? Do some people actually enjoy that crap? I don't know. But I do know, for me, it was a straight up case of the Emperor's New Clothes. I knew the temple ritual didn't feel "special," or "awesome," or "spiritual." It was weird, boring, repetitive, and disappointing. But, of course, I couldn't say that! Then everyone would think I wasn't worthy, or extremely nonspiritual! So I lied. I said how great it was, and how much I enjoyed it and felt the spirit... then I went as infrequently as I could get away with!

oh sheesh, that's exactly my experience, but you said it better than I could.

I think your heart is moving at a faster speed than your mind, and you're trying to reconcile this disconnect with "tolerance." (" I'm totally supportive to both of them, I mean it's their life & they seem happy, & I congratulate them for their "accomplishments" even though...")

The exterior of the Mormon life looks good, but if you're reading these threads, you know that there's something rotton in Denmark. So your head is telling you to slow down. Also note that you can expect intense efforts by him and his family to convert you in the future. Yes, it's "their life," but they won't be satisified until you're a part of it, religiously.

My suggestion is to slow the whole thing down, and listen to that "still small voice." Please consider that there may come a point where your emotional (and other forms of) involvement is very, very, powerful, and will overwhelm logic and reason. It will be very difficult (if not already) to say to yourself, "This is something/someone who is so appealing, but I have to turn away from the spiritual toxicity of the whole situation."

I once made the painful decision to break up with a beautiful, charming girl in a cult. I'm glad I did.

If you marry him and have children, the church will do its best to brainwash them. They will be taught that you are unworthy and that you will not be going to heaven with them, unless you become a fully participating member. It is heartbreaking for children with a non-member parent. If you have girls, how will you feel when the church tells them they must accept the principle of polygamy, or be damned?

That's a good point. :/ I'm really hoping he'll be open to listening to the truth about TSCC. I mean, I used to be pretty brainwashed, & I got out of it. If there was hope for me, I'm sure there's hope for everyone. I was in pretty deep. But some people never do get out sometimes. I just hope my boyfriend isn't one of those people. Damn it, I always get myself in a mess.

I'm nevermo, dated a mo, and around the end of the relationship finally went to a Sunday service. After I left I felt physically ill for about half an hour, and psychologically ill for at least a week.

It hurts to know someone you love is controlled by evil.

And no, none of this post was hyperbole.

schmendrick Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm nevermo, dated a mo, and around the end of the
> relationship finally went to a Sunday service.
> After I left I felt physically ill for about half
> an hour, and psychologically ill for at least a
> week.
>
> It hurts to know someone you love is controlled by
> evil.
>
> And no, none of this post was hyperbole.


I could have written this post, schmendrick and i'm so sorry you had to go through that - I agree, watching someone I loved being brainwashed to believe this rubbish and turn into some mindless self righteous robot was one of the most painful things I've gone through.

Do his little sister and brother know that some of the signs they make represent sharp blades that would be used to cut their throats and slice open their guts? The actual motion was removed, but the sign of holding a knife to their throats is still there...but only very few Mormons know this.

You should tell them.

Please don't call garments "panties." That's an insult to all the legitimately sexy panties.

Even IF, by some wondrous event/awakening your boyfriend figures out it's all a load of crap, he has to come to terms with his eternal TBM family, who will weep, wail and gnash their teeth if he even utters the possibility of bailing.

Look at you, even you have a tough time finding an opening to discuss the matter of practicing a bullshit religion. Imagine how tough it will be for him to go up against his whole indoctrinated family with his notion of turning his back on his whole family...just to be with you.

Slim chance that it would work out in your favor...just sayin'

If the the temple rites including jumping up and down on a pogo stick and doing a chant about not removing the tag from a mattress under penalty of law, faithful TBM's would do it and say it's sacred not secret...

Maybe if they did jump up & down on a pogo stick we wouldn't see so many fat WofW abiding mormons. Lol!

YUP! IT IS WIERD!! Even when I was a beleiver, It was wierd. I like your Q. why the hype? Simple, because it IS Wierd! They Have to tell you its "special" Its sacred & build it up real good so when you get there,When your head is spinning & and your stomachs sick. YOU THINK youre just not spiritual enough to understand!Youre conditioned to think its so sacred that youre not worthy! (sorry 4 the rant). But anyway, Youve got to tell him ur feelings now! Before its too late! U dont want to be sucked in!

I think you should be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings before this goes any farther. You're both going to get hurt if the relationship goes on and on and all the while he's thinking to himself "How do I convert her to the church?" while you're thinking, "How do I de-convert him from the church?" It's a lose-lose situation.

Okay, from the comments & thinking about it, it's obvious I need to have a heart-to-heart with him. I think I will bring up the temple a lot, too. After all, it was a huge factor with my deciding to leave. Thanks everyone.

The MORmON temple is weird? Next you will be saying that MORmONS are weird.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YEMX0VooD4

Take him to The Temple of Victoria Secrets and let him buy you sexy panties. Leaving the craziness of Mormonism/Temple's was the best choice I ever made. Good luck!