The Final Demand

The Basics: (Pages 1-12, main body) (13-24, detailed sections)

I'm Male
26 years old
Live in Colorado
Current Status – Unemployed and Unemployment Insurance just ran out in late December 2014, still on Food Stamps, multiple medical conditions, just had an MRI, no prospect on maintaining an entry level job without it complicating my medical outcome, no education and very poor prior education, no family for financial/moral/legal help, only person helping me is my brother who is going through difficulties with the legal and medical system as well.

Family Life Growing Up:

Born in Mormon family of 5 Sisters and 1 Brother and 2 Mormon parents. Both extended families are Mormon going back several generations.
My brother was born in the middle of the family and I'm second to youngest.
My family lived in Utah and later moved to Colorado where my brother and I were born.
My parents are what you call “Fundamentalist Mormons” who devoutly believe in everything about the Mormon Church.
My brother and I are the only people in our immediate family who left the Church and most of our extended family is Mormon. Very large Mormon family.

Problems Growing Up:

My parents firmly believe that it is their “Right” to impose their religious believes on their kids. Examples are that their home is their “Temple” and therefore their “First Amendment Right” and that there cannot be any “sin” in the house even if it is in the other room far away from their viewing meaning anyone who lives there cannot listen to rock music with headphones in their own room. Even activities that are not illegal he will remove it from the house regardless. He would also say “I paid for the computer, T.V., Mortgage so I get to say what happens in this house.” Until I got a job at 18 I basically had next to nothing to show for my self for the last 18 years, seriously.
My parents believed in non assimilation with people whom where not Mormon, this went as far as my early childhood being taught that I couldn't ride the public school bus because my parents didn't want me associating with kids of “questionable” families who I will go downhill if I befriend those kids. Religious overtone was clearly present.
Not allowed to have sleep overs.
Not allowed to spend time with kids after school.
Not allowed to participate in school activities such as school dances even though on school grounds?
Censorship of my video games, books, music, T.V., entertainment, friends, online research into other religions, school activities, phone and would be scrutinized and punished if I wasn't in line with what my parents believed to be correct because a lot of the time they would spy on me in the form of searching my room when I wasn't there, software programs to watch my computer activity, and asking my sisters to spy on me at school and church activities and even at home. 2 Extreme examples was my brother was working for my dad because he didn't have a job and hurt his thumb and said “shit” and my sister told my dad and he told him to go home because he said the word “shit” not directed at anyone and my brother was 23 at the time. Another example is my parents lied about leaving me home alone and my sister was home and reported back to my parents that I was watching porn and I got grounded for it, she was blatantly spying on me for punishment reasons for my parents.
When I was really young about 10 years old I witnessed my father “sexually assault” my brother in the form of forcefully stopping him from masturbating and punishing him for doing so. I remember it and it wasn't rape but more so a sick Mormon belief that masturbation is a “sin” and with my fathers idea that his house is his “temple” therefore no one can masturbate in the house and would forcefully stop them from doing so, is what I could understand from the situation.
When my brother left the Church when he was in middle school my family severely harassed and isolated him and punishing him at every chance. Mormon's don't like apostates, people who leave the Church. Leaving the Mormon Church is like social suicide.
My parents didn't have much oversight and my brother started stealing as young as elementary school, small things here and there then it grew into a really big problem later on because my parents found out years later but never tried to get him help with a behavioral counselor but decided that they should “pray” for him to get better and stop stealing.
My parents caught my brother smoking Marijuana but at first didn't punish him or teach him about it and one day called the cops without my brother knowing and told my brother to answer the door and he got charged, my brother later fought it in court down to paraphernalia because it was a seed and a scraping tool but after that he attempted suicide in the form of not notifying anyone and parking my parents van behind my middle school and attaching a vacuum hose to the inside until he was taken to the emergency room and treated for carbon monoxide poisoning, my brother 10 years later told me he had no treatment after that whatsoever and no one in my family apparent knew about it. A few years prior my brother was admitted to a psych ward for severe behavioral problems.
When my brother was near graduation he dropped out of High School and was committing crimes such as “car hopping”, “check fraud” which my father caught my brother in the act of stealing and using his credit card and didn't punish him at all, and breaking into his safe and stealing $1000 which is a felony and he didn't report it or get help for my brother but rather “prayed” for him to get better. Well when he was caught for some of his crimes my parents kicked my brother out without 30 days notice and so when he was homeless he was writing fraud checks for food and housing and living expenses, he ended up taking it too far and wrote fraud checks to a bank for very large amounts with the help of 3 other individuals and because of my brothers disability was not properly sentenced so a Judge allowed 3 criminals to dump the crimes on my disabled brother because it was too easy for the conviction, well that is a different story all together.
My brother got his G.E.D. in jail.
That was a little about my brother but about me.
I was roughly 90% censored as a child up until the age of 18. I mean no friends for years, literally no social hobbies whatsoever, nothing to show for myself, also 2.5 GPA or under for my entire education K-12, my graduation came down to one test score which was probably pushed thru for my graduation because I would have been held back a year if I missed 5%? Graduated with a embarrassingly low GPA I think under a 2.0
My parents found a suicide letter in my room when I was in elementary school and I remember writing it around when my brother was going downhill for the first time when he was in middle school, my parents sat me down and talked to me and told me to come to them if I ever felt this way and that was that, no doctors no life style changes nothing.
The censorship caused me to not be able to fit in with any social group because I lacked so much knowledge it felt like a burden for people to befriend me.
My parents would literally not allow me to do anything on Sunday including homework. One Sunday I really wanted to go to the skate park where professional skateboarders were performing on a Sunday afternoon, my parents were at church and I left a note because I was a nice kid saying I was at the skate park and my Mother shows up with my little sister and demand that I come home or I will be grounded even though I was well behaved prior but got upset when they did that and it was around a 300+ person humiliation (there was a lot of people) and all the kids laughing that I had the strict parents and I didn't want to be grounded. Well basically in middle school and high school and acts like that led me to start cutting myself, I was so depressed after that act that a couple days later I took razors to my leg and started suicidally cutting myself, this went on for 5 years, “not a lot” but “at least once”. Another example was my parents forced me to go to EFY which stand for Especially For Youth weekend retreat activity and I really didn't want to go and when I did I was isolated by a lot of Mormon peers because they can tell that I didn't want to be there and that I wasn't Mormon, when returning home I would cut myself. My parents helped me get a job cleaning houses for ward members, I cut myself and they noticed it and I blamed it on getting out of the window well cleaning and that I scraped myself. For awhile made me go to Scouting programs where I was shunned and isolated leading to more depression. One event that they made me go to as a kid was a retreat that recreated the “Mormon Handcart Crossing of the Plains to Utah”, I didn't want to go but they insisted and even lied that one individual was going but he ended up not going, it was not fun at all dragging large heavy Handcarts for at least 10+ miles in the summer sun.
Underage drinking in High School from time to time. Never really had access to it.
Both my brother and I received anger management counseling sessions from a Mormon Anger Management Counselor, all other doctors were Mormon. No real help for the suicidal problems for my brother and I. Basically putting “prayer” and Church doctors first ahead of conventional medicine and me personally I didn't want to be treated by Mormon doctors but I had no choice in the matter.

Early Adulthood for my Brother and I:

After my brother was released from jail he continued stealing in his early 20's because he clearly hasn't gotten help for his personal and medical problems.
My brother struggled with homelessness and very poor jobs for a long time.
When I graduated High School I immediately started financially supporting my brother because his medical conditions and legal conviction and lack of help from the family literally led him to many near death experiences and the guy clearly needed help and was wanting to receive help.
When I Graduated High School up until the age of 20 I had 6 fast food jobs that all ended poorly but more so because I was awkward and didn't fit in with the “crew” and they wanted me replaced with someone more like themselves and would slowly harass me until I quit or until I had a panic attack and quit on my own before it got worse.
After I graduated High School I got my second minimum wage food service job and was living with my parents for the summer then later moved in with my brother at a Mormon house arranged by my parents and for a year financially helped my brother because he couldn't get a job because of his felonies, later on we were both evicted for back rent and damages to the carpet from water damages and cats. My brother got sued in small claims court for around $3500 and I settled outside of court for around $2600 with the help of my parents because my parents knew the landlord and insisted that I pay back my father instead, I still owe my father that money plus more for car damages later on. My brother and I moved into a friends house where I stayed there for 7 months but my brother was kicked out without 30 days notice due to disagreements and ended up in a homeless shelter. This was my brothers 2nd time being homeless.
I later moved out of that house around December 2008. I was working at another food service job from August 2008 to February 2009.

Job #1:

Employed from August 2008 to January 2009.
5th food service job since High School.
I was 20 years old at the time of the incident.
Around January is when the “Incident happened at work”.
Prior to the incident I invited a female coworker over to my new apartment that I was showing all my friends, I had visited her apartment many times prior and I was friends with her boyfriend and I even knew some of her friends from High School where I went.
Well she thought I was going to have sex with her and I was confused because it was not my intent at all. I told her that was not my intent she acknowledged it and we proceeded to smoke a cigarette and then I drove her home to the next town 20 miles away.
I didn't think much of it and continued with my weekend and the next shift at work I got assaulted by many coworkers.
The managers allowed it and many coworkers harassed me, undoing the dishes and other work that I had just completed, stealing my tips, walking around corners fast as to scare me and cause me to bump into them so that they can start a heated argument, blocking hallways as to not allow me to do my job which felt very threatening, and finally someone vandalized my car which they fried the electrical system requiring repairs to the car and eventually the breakdown of it (it was my high school car), felt like a rumor was spread around, not like they just wanted to replace me but something more serious.
Prior to this incident I hadn't talked to my parents or family for 2 years, occasional awkward conversation about if I was doing alright, birthday cards, etc..
After I finished my shift that night I drove around my town around 3:30 in the morning trying to make sense of what happened and my adrenaline kept pumping and I noticed cop cars and security guards driving around which I grew up in this town and never noticed that many driving around before, I smoked a cigarette and the paranoia took over and my stomach turned upside down like I had gotten shot in the stomach my hands started cramping and curling and it was hard to breathe and I was sweating a lot and I had trouble pulling my phone out of my pocket to dial 911 and I finally did and told the E.R. that I was dying and told them my location an ambulance picked me up and started oxygenating me and was telling me I was having a panic attack, I get to the hospital and sit in the emergency room for 4 hours with an extremely high heart rate nearing a heart attack it felt like, hallucinating, fear, extreme sadness, trouble breathing, a lot of sweating, trembling and shaking, hands and feet going numb then the whole body, and when calmed down a doctor gave me a psych evaluation and insisted I see someone about this and sent me on my way.
I hadn't talked to my mother for almost a year and didn't know who to call so I called my mother to pick me up and the first thing she says “Ok -----, what did you do?” in a bad attitude ready to blame me for this. I was really messed up and that was extremely emotionally abusive at the very wrong time. She took me to my car and I drove home.
Ambulance ride - $500, Emergency Room visit - $2200
I had a day off so I recovered and went back to work to understand more and I find out all people involved don't work there anymore and everyone was walking on egg shells super accommodating me in a kinda sick way that they couldn't admit what happened, well 3 shifts go by and I have another panic attack this time on the job and I go to my supervisor and say I cannot work here, crying very profusely and delusionally rambling to hide my reason that I was done with this job and I don't feel safe here. My physical symptoms were severely impacting my ability to do my job, too anxious to mention this to the higher ups plus I had terrible social skills and didn't know the actually paper process anyways of dealing with a situation like this, confrontation issues my whole life.
I then try to move back home with my parents because I didn't know what to do and needed help badly.

Parents, Brother and Psychiatrist:

My father is Bi-Polar and has been taking anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and other pharmaceuticals for 30 years, multiple pills a day.
After the incident I argued with my parents about moving back home because I didn't have a car or job and now a large medical bill.
You would think a father would notify the authorities of felonies that his son is speaking about considering the evidence of assault and a hospital visit and a broken car requiring me to borrow his car.
Eventually my father said that if I was going to live under his roof that I couldn't sue that food service job and that if he caught me in the act of trying to pursue it under his roof or even at the library that he would kick me out.
After 2 weeks of not knowing what to do I ended up in my Fathers Psychiatrist office, we discussed the possibility that I was Bi-Polar because my father is Bi-Polar and because of my recent panic attack. My parents have a problem of easily labeling a problem child Bi-Polar, for instance my parents believe my brother is Bi-Polar which accounts for his stealing and felonies and poor life but the way I see it, Bi-Polar was a cover for child abuse.
After the first visit the doctor told me to do research to see if I fit the criteria of Bi-Polar and if I was O.k with the side effects of the pharmaceuticals.
The second visit I was really confused and with my father present in the doctor visit I said “I guess I'm bipolar” and was immediately prescribed that drug. Within 4 weeks of the panic attack and the second visit in a week with the doctor I was already diagnosed and drugged.
Started taking the drug for 3 weeks and didn't have much symptoms and was told that it takes around 30 days for the effects to start taking place.
When the effects started taking place a month in everything went downhill, I thought it was my depression and my parents and the doctors kept telling me to take the pills but the side effects got worse.
DRUG #Z (A-typical anti-psychotic)- numb and trembling hands, frequent urination, intolerance to hot/cold changes, increased sweating, paranoia, insomnia, hallucinations, really high anxiety, serotonin syndrome, constant fidgeting, problems with circadian rhythm and eating, depression, muscle rigidity, within one month I gained 30 pounds, difficulty concentrating for long periods of time, blackouts.
Then DRUG #C (SSRI) was added, Had very similar side effects to DRUG #Z, I later took this and all my DRUG #Z symptoms got worse, agitation, insomnia, more unusual sweating, confusion, inability to concentrate.
Then DRUG #L was added, (Benzodiazepine), It felt like my short term memory was gone for hours at a time, almost complete blackouts, worsening of depression symptoms, extreme fatigue, shallow breathing, and general weakness of the body.
Then DRUG #M was added (A-typical anti psychotic) (this drug was later discontinued), Tardive Dyskinesia, Neurological Malignant Syndrome, Catatonia/Paralysis, complete loss of ability to sleep while taking it.
So at one point I was on 4 pharmaceuticals at one time.
At one point I asked for a therapist and my parents insisted that I go to a Mormon Therapist and when I didn't want to because it was my right to choose my therapist they would get upset and my mother would cry and guilt trip me, they said that they wouldn't pay for a non Mormon therapist but heavily insisted on the Mormon therapist, I didn't have a job so my father said if he is going to pay for the Medical care that he gets to decided which doctor to go with, well the reason I was needing a therapist was because the side effects were so bad and wanted a different course but the Mormon therapist was focusing on family problems and basic self help skills which was far from the real problem in my situation. I only went to a couple visits.
Couple months later in my parents basement I attempted suicide in the from of hanging myself from a basement door way, when it didn't work I got more depressed and told my father but he didn't call the cops or even talk about it and so a couple days later I attempt suicide again then tell my father then nothing gets done then I attempted suicide again then nothing again then attempted suicide again then nothing then one more time he drove me to the E.R. where I was taken to the in-patient psychiatric hospital for 4 days but sadly nothing was done to help my situation there either.
During the stay at the mental hospital I stopped taking DRUG #Z and DRUG #M.
Then DRUG #LL was added, (anti-epileptic agent), Contributed to the circadian rhythm problems, added to the above pill side effects, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, tremors, muscle stiffness, anxiety, worsening of depression symptoms, headaches.
Then DRUG #S was added, (A-typical anti-psychotic), Increased weight gain (Originally I weighed 170 then DRUG #Z brought it up to 210 and DRUG #S added 40 pounds, ending weight = 250 pounds, gained 80 pounds.
Then a couple months later was prescribed DRUG #LLL (Thyroid medication)
So at one point I was taking 5 pharmaceuticals at one time.
So without a job and addicted to these drugs and no help from my parents I start stealing from them in the form of pawning their possessions at a local pawn shop for cigarette money. My parents catch me in the act and then I do it 2 more times and on the 3rd time my father told me I had 3 days to find a place because he was going to kick me out. So I didn't get a proper eviction and so I ended up living in a tent (supplied by my parents) in the snow with really bad side effects and no money or job and ended up stealing food to survive and using public parks to go to the restroom at. I don't know what to make of this abusive situation but they continued treating my “Bi-Polar” and both my father and my Psychiatrist knowingly allowed me to sleep homeless in hostile situations and I had 1 doctor visit while I was homeless driven by my father who picked me up walking the streets just for that visit.
The only person financially helping me was my older brother who was struggling with minimum wage jobs, bills, and restitution.
When I was kicked out I was living in a tent in the drainage ditch area behind my brother's house and a week or so later someone called the cops on me and I had to move the tent within the backyard of the house. The cop didn't charge me as long as I moved it within the fence.
I then struggled without a job for 7 more months so I was unemployed for a grand total of 16 months.
I was not on social security disability for my Bi-Polar or side effects the entire time I have been treated by my Psychiatrist.

Job #2:

With my brother struggling to support me which he was working minimum wage, not full time, paying restitution, so I had to get a job.
So since I already had food service experience and no other line of work experience and I basically failed High School so I was behind in my education and didn't have money for an education I had to get a job. No help from any of my immediate or extended family.
So I get another food service job working at a “Place that serves Burgers” which was a minimum wage job with very small raises and a “secret shopper” program that paid money depending on store quality.
When I started this job I was only on one drug, DRUG #LLLL (typical anti-psychotic), minimal symptoms but was “spent” by all the other drugs side effects over the years.
Working there for about a year I was successfully dealing with my “so called Bi-Polar” and did a trial run of getting off of DRUG #LLLL, at this point I had a computer and a means to start putting together the lawsuit against my former employer. Prior to that the side effects from the pills, no vehicle, no computer or internet, no money and no support from anyone prevented me from pursing the lawsuit against my former employer. Also I am very undereducated on a lot of the problems I was dealing with because I was in the midst of it happening, intellectually disability on many subjects.
A little about the work environment there, no employee ever got their law required breaks, sex discrimination in the form of requiring the male employees to move the heavy equipment and do more physical activities with the same pay as women, unsafe working conditions in the form of OSHA safety regulations violations of moving too heavy of equipment, extreme repetitive motion with greater risk to muscular-skeletal health problems, and the occasional A/C breaking leading to 100+ degree temperatures, and at one point a manager threw a hot fry basket in my general direction when I didn't cook it correctly, that manager was fired for that event.
I should also mention that there was a Grill that weighed about 700 or so pounds with small wheels on the bottom that was hard to move and I and many other employees complained about it but management never fixed the small wheels on the grill until 5 months before I quit. I worked there for 2 years.
So when it came time to do the trial run of getting off of DRUG #LLLL, I let my managers know about it in case of any risks or to explain my odd behavior, well my performance started slipping and I would cry in the back of the store, I also explained that why I was having problems on the job was because of my prior medical problems not being solved and me needing to sue my prior employer which I told my managers about because it was getting to the point that they wanted to fire me. For instance we didn't meet the secret shopper standards because I was crying and we got marked down for it and none of the employees got money from it and I would get harassment from employees and management about it.
When I was going downhill and my depression was relapsing one of my managers told me that I cannot quit taking those pills and work here at the same time and even told me and other employees that we cannot quit cigarettes while working there. The withdrawal was too bad and when I got back on DRUG #LLLL the side effects got worse. The trial run of getting off the pills was Doctor Prescribed.
Well after working there for 1.5 years the repetitive motion of the physical job took its toll and in February 2012 I take a common over the counter pain pill given to me by a co-worker, I had held back from taking any pain pills because of my new fear of pharmaceuticals, well the pain was too much so I take the pain pill and I have a massive panic attack, I was cooking fries and it felt like I had a brain aneurism, it felt similar to the first panic attack in 2009 and similar to all the pharmaceutical side effect overdoses such as Serotonin Syndrome and neurological malignant syndrome. I went into the back of the store and sat down and began to do breathing exercises, my stomach was in intense pain, my manager was bringing me water, I sat back there calming it down and going to the bathroom multiple times urinating which happens during my panic attacks, everything is emptied from my body, sweating profusely and hot flashes, trembling and shaking, hallucinating, delirious, seizure like symptoms, muscle spasms. After an hour of bringing myself back from the panic attack I try to work and the pain causes me to go to the back of the store again and then I told my manager I needed to go home and so I called my brother for a ride, the symptoms continued and worsened until the next day I call my mother to take me to the emergency room and we end up going to the wrong facility so we then go to the E.R. where I am treated for the “panic attack”. The first panic attack in 2009 was tragic but this one was 10 times worse and it felt like I had brain damage.
After the E.R. visit I go to a Gastroenterologist because it felt like I had stomach ulcers or that there was something very wrong with my stomach. I was then prescribed a ESG – Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (camera down the throat to examine), no damage was found and I was giving anesthesia.
For several weeks after both hospital stays it was very difficult to keep food down.
My life continued going downhill and 2 months later with no change in the workplace I filed workman's comp on my wrists in April 2012 and at the same time I tried to file workman's comp on my wrists I was trying to file workman's comp for my lower back because I felt that I had injured it very badly, I knew something was wrong and that it needed to be looked at. My GM gave me the paperwork for the wrists and when I was finished with it I told him that I needed to file workman's comp for my back as well. He told me “this is a serious matter, are you sure you want to do this”, I was very compromised and scared and didn't know what to do so I consulted my father and he advised me to go see a Doctor so I go see a Mormon Chiropractor that I knew growing up.
When I went to see the Mormon Chiropractor I told him my symptoms and explained my life and the work environment and I even told him that I filed workman's comp for my wrists and that there was small wheels on the grill, I also explained my other jobs in the past...(Continued with, My struggles with leaving my large Mormon family, Part 2)...