In latter years, mid 90s when slowly leaving the cult and even 2000s when I was completely out, I hated being called Lamanite. If the cult really loved me and their precious BOM then they would've encouraged me to be close to my native roots instead of keeping me closeCut, in shirt & tie and wouldn't reprimand me time to time when I talked about native legends w/ a gospel twist.
After my mission I stopped wearing my Gs all the time, I grew my hair out a bit, then grew it past my shoulders and regularly attended temple like that and kept getting comments from theBrethren to cut my hair, yet in one WA state ward one White member kept his long hair and was fawned over by presidency.
I guess TBMs need to live their religion and not be Racist & judgemental. My lifelong artistry talent took me through beauty school and I supported myself booth renting in some trendy salons.
My love of women always stemmed from seeing my spouse abused mother getting kicked & beaten by my first TBM White stepdad, I empathised and got into massage therapy. You TBMs didn't have to treat me like a sex offender for having White women as my TargetMarket. In fact, a couple of Liberal bishopRic wives thought I'd give happy endings w/ my massages when I was tbm and were snippity w/ me ever after.
And a few close White sister RMs I had as friends at one time, I could've temple married any of them and been happy, but racist parents, siblings, church leaders and my stupid MissionPresident all stepped in and kept my friends from me.
I just stopped going in the early 90s, too busy Serving my Country I guess. But I attended church a year or so in 2000s and baptised a younger sibling.
You TBMs never really treated me like a human, I was used for MissionarySplits, I was used to man a DomesticViolence shelter and for homeless projects and I raked one too many church lawns & cleaned chapel more than enough times.
TBMs were nice to my face but belittled me behind my back and its unChrist-like behavior like that which opened my eyes to the simple fact, that if a church isn't completely honest & sincere, via its most stalwart members, then it isn't true.
I have the last laugh though, because all my life my Creator took me away in sickness, depression or nearDeath and told me to take advantage of those trying times & opportunities, He told me who I was, my Lineage and sent dreams my way.
I was left by the church in my childhood, I just left it when I was an adult and I am happy.
I love whom I love from time to time, I keep my work money and my precious time is for my loved ones, family, lovers & children.
I have the last laugh because my relatives and my Creator visited me all my life and they don't belong to any church on earth. I was Native first and Always, Proud to be an Exmormon.
Peace.