I was BIC and was forced to listen to the church's version of history. And for years I believed it. I was the oldest child and the only boy, so pressure was put on me to be perfect, especially from my mother.
After that, I went between believing and doubting. I was a bit shy growing up, so I wasn't one of the popular TBMs. Most of the time I spent reading sci-fi and fantasy books instead of trying to spread the "Gospel." I was also interested in mythology, swords, and dark folklore, something my mother tried shout out of me. (My parents had several moments of verbally abusing and spanking us as kids.) However, I did have moments of being the self-righteous jerk that the Mormon mindset breeds.
I have more instances of behaving with that attitude than I'll care to admit.
When I was in fourth grade (and yes, this is relevant), I came down with a really bad stomach flu. I stayed home from school and then I found something that changed my life: I enjoyed history and thought it was fascinating. It's thanks to this, other life experiences and this board that helped me see the truth.
Just before I started junior high, my dad lost his job and had to take a job at "Low life" Lowes to make ends meet. The catch: he had to work on Sunday. This caused Dad to become inactive for a while and for Mom to go church crazy- attending church was not optional. She'd also tell me, "Austin, stay in the church and don't be like your dad." Fear of damnation helped keep me in line.
When I was 13, Dad got a job that forced us to relocate to Tooele, a small town hell-hole in Utah. Just outside Tooele is an Army station that stores nerve and mustard gas and judging from the attitudes of the locals, there must have been a small leak in the past; not big enough to kill, just enough to cause brain damage. The education was pathetic compared to what I had in Idaho and we were treated with hostility because we were "outsiders."
After doing 13 months in Tooele, we moved back to Idaho. My family called it a miracle from God. Looking back though, I think what kind of God would have sent us to a place like that?
Thanks to my mother's demands, I went to BYU-I for college. (BYU-I. Where learning goes to die.) I had been having some trouble at home before that (I guess my brain was starting to reject the cog-dis of Mormonism) and Mom, despite having no professional training or definition, presented her theory that I was autistic. And, like with Mormonism, I was stupid enough to believe her for a while. I was also stupid enough to tell bishop Greg "go-se for brains" Johnson about this and led me to the conclusion that Mormon bishops are as inspired as a dumpster.
During my time at Cult Training Academy, I was shocked at the complete lack of boundaries, childish behavior of students, sociopathic actions of male students, general cluelessness, and lack of real academia. This is when I really started to see that there was something wrong with Mormonism.
As for Mom's autistic theory, I read more about it and saw that several key symptoms didn't match my behavior. I also read further books and saw that I was more borderline personality disorder (Which is usually caused by abuse.).I tried seeing the counseling office about it and was directed to John "Rectum" Rector. My ass-clown bishop had told him my mom's theory and Rector believed it! He ignored my thoughts about it and tried to find facts to support his "diagnosis." Even as someone who has no interest in psychology as a career, I know that a diagnosis comes from facts, not facts from a diagnosis. If I had my way, he wouldn't be allowed to work in a counseling or mental health center even as a janitor!
I left after two semesters and went back to live with my parents. I had a few fights with them and finally told them I didn't believe in Mormonism.
After that I spent six weeks in LDS Family Services in counseling for "minor problems." (Code for "Starting to achieve awareness.") If I could sue them for impersonating mental health practitioners, I would.
Just before I was sentenced to more brainwashing seminars, I found this website while researching the church's views on certain things I was interested in. (Mainly their views on folklore and the tarot cards I secretly bought for my nineteenth birthday.) I read hundreds of posts here and I actually went down to my local library and flipped through the Journal of Discourses. Everything that post here said was in the JofD was in there.
Austin died because of the Mormons. My name is hellrazor.
I'm set to go into the US Navy in August and I'm planning on resigning ASAP.
Thank you all for your posts.