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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 

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4 years ago
elove
> The only think your kids might be welcome to do is > baptisms for the dead that also take place in the > temple for children 11 and up in age. But, that > is only for baptized members, so again, if you > have your bases covered on that, no need to worry > about that for a while. OK. Good to know. Thanks.
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4 years ago
elove
Infrequent Observer Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Convert baptisms can happen any day of the week. > Most are done on Saturdays. That tracks. The date she gave me for her baptism was a Saturday. Now my kids... they were 7 and 3 when she started taking them to the LDS church, 8 and 4 now. They were baptized as infants in a mainstream Protestant d
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4 years ago
elove
> There isn't any "binding" to men in the mainstream > church. If you're talking about one of the > polygamous offshoots, then you have a different > issue entirely. I’m just reacting to things I’ve heard here. There have been stories of children being “bound” to non-related males in second families here. You’re saying that’s not mainstream and those wer
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4 years ago
elove
Do you think she might make the kids tithe? If I give them $20 for Christmas shopping is she going to take $2 for the church? Do I have to make them keep their money at my house?
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4 years ago
elove
> A lot of this hinges on the temple > recommend, which will not come up until the > one-year point for your ex. If she wants the > recommend, she has to play ball. Ok, what is a temple recommend? She can’t get into the temple without it? I still don’t understand what temple is relative to the regular meeting house. What can she do with it that she can’t do otherwise?
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
Wow. Very tough things going on. My heart goes out to you. Here is my two cents. take it for what it’s worth. I am not ex-Mormon and am new to this group. So I’m not conversant with the intricacies and details of the specific LDS stuff, but I know people and I know toxicity. You are NOT obligated to go anywhere you don’t want to. Period. No one owns you. Someone can’t just i
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
QUESTION 5. “Ward Assignment” They are given no choice what meeting house/ward to participate in, correct? The church assigns it by geography. You look it up on the internet. Presumably they had another mechanism in the olden days. LOL Which means, if she moves (something my ex has done almost 10 times since the divorce) she would end up in a different ward, correct? I ask becaus
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
QUESTION 4. “Temple Questions” I keep seeing the phrase “in the temple” regarding ceremonies and things. What does that mean, exactly? My understanding is that the regular place they go is a “Meeting House” and that’s where regular services and worship take place. Other things are special and have to take place in “temple”, is that right? Would that include things lik
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4 years ago
elove
QUESTION 3. “Mormon Baptisms” I looked at the calendar and when my wife has had my oldest daughter since she turned 8. I am attempting to determine if she could have had her baptized already. (And if your response is “just ask her” I may if I have to. But I try to take the high road and I am loathe to put her in a position where she feels she has to chose between us. I don’t run
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4 years ago
elove
QUESTION 2. “Other Prohibitions” Are there other things I can prohibit legally that I should be thinking ahead about and can address in this letter also? I feel there is so much to know and I don’t know what I don’t know. Two things I was wondering if I could prohibit perhaps. MISION. Can I also note that I won’t consent to them being sent on a mission until they are of lega
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4 years ago
elove
QUESTION 1. “Tithing issues” In the last thread it was suggested we address tithing and child support. The basic idea is to stop her from tithing 10% of the child support. Does anyone know of a mechanism to prevent that? Can it be mentioned in the letter? Some other mechanism? And more generally, how does the church calculate “income” for purposes of tithing? I have read somew
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
Thanks for everyone’s help and support on the last thread. Quick recap if you didn’t see it or don’t want to read 35 pages... I am a Divorced Dad who is spiritual but not religious. Ex wife secretly converted to Mormonism almost a year ago and has been hiding it. I just found out. I have two daughters, 4 and 8. We have absolutely 50/50 joint custody, physical and legal. On the adv
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
babyloncansuckit Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > When I was a TBM, I figured people left because > they were offended. It turned out I was right. The > church is naturally offensive. This forum needs a like button. =)
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
Thank you for all the input, everyone. I just got off the phone with my attorney and we are on this. May not get it out this week, given the holiday and everything, but the Branch President and Stake President should have copies next week, with another one on its way to Member Records in SLC. Thank you all for your time and support.
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4 years ago
elove
> A Mormon bishop is equivalent to a > priest, minister, or pastor. Each ward will have > its own bishop. The next highest administrator is > the Stake President, who would be the equivalent > of a bishop in any other church. > Branches are smaller units than wards and are used > when a given congregation is not large enough to > be called a ward. Branches also h
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
OK, I am new here and still have a lot to learn about Mormonism. They don’t believe in the Rapture, do they? Sounds odd they would believe Jesus is coming back if all of their dead ancestors already have their own planets...
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> I wish you luck. Like I said, I don’t know you > or your ex. You have a lawyer, which is great. > It sounds like you have the time and money to > fight her, should anything weird happen. It’s true, I do. I prepared for her to do something(s) crazy and dangerous with my girls in the future- consistent with the things she has done in the past. I absolutely believed from
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> My husband also had a very loving relationship > with his kids. They used to make him cards and > jewelry and loved talking to him on the phone. It > all changed after the divorce. Ex really put a > lot of effort into ruining their relationship. If she does that, goes that far... I will fight it. I hope I am not being naive but I think I am on stronger footing than som
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
Thank your for sharing. A lot to digest. My first impression is to be grateful. My situation is so much better. I have a great relationship with my daughters directly and always have. It’s only gotten better after the divorce as I have them so much and she is not around to make things toxic or negative. They love their Daddy and tell me often. Also we have already been through a
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
summer Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Elove, here's one more point that you and your > lawyer should know about. The church requires a > 10% tithe. Legally, your wife should not be > tithing on any child support funds that she gets > from you, but she might be doing it anyway. I > don't know if there is any way to prevent it, but > do
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> You are already doing well because you have a > lawyer. My husband didn't, and that cost him... > although frankly, his ex wife is so toxic and > psycho that I'm not even sure going to court would > have helped him. > > Hopefully, your ex wife isn't as crazy as his is. I assure you she is. If I go into details this thread will not remain anonymous. But she is
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> She was > a "Golden Contact" meaning they thought they could > dunk her. I see you have met her. LOL My humor is improving with 4 hrs of sleep and hope and support from you guys. Thank you. At any rate, when I was in sales we called them “pumpkins”. People who were basically selling themselves. > Now, since she is a single woman she > doesn't hav
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> The church has this conceit that it essentially > owns its members and has the right to demand their > time, talents, money, etc. for life. It makes a > big deal about "baptismal covenants" and how > 8-year-old children "choose" to get baptized. Ok, this really makes my blood boil. She didn’t “choose” or her parents to get divorced... she doesn
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> Be advised that Mormons have a persecution > complex. In the lessons, whenever they had > problems with the outside world it was because of > persecution. I was pretty much aware of this in general and as a matter of approaching my situation (knowing her) I presumed this to be the case. Which is why I am not riding in with logic and counter arguments. I am absolutely sure th
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
knotheadusc Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Well, it wasn't so short... twenty years of this > shit is a lot to process. But I posted a somewhat > condensed version of our tale. I hope it's > helpful to someone. I probably should have made > chapters. I will look for that. It is in another thread?
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> Baptism sets the individual down this "covenant > path" of lifetime blind obedience. And that's why > you want to stop it at all costs. Regarding this and the other detailed comments about why I want to prevent the Baptism, thank you. I get it. If they do that then administratively she in in their books and they will hammer and guilt her potentially for the rest of her
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
Thank you everyone. I haven’t slept for 2 days now worrying about all of this. I am going to try to lay down now. If I am able to sleep please know that you helped calm my soul and mind by talking to me tonight, and that I appreciate it. Looking forward to seeing what has been added when I wake up and check this thread again.
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> The reason that you don't want them baptized is > that baptism puts them on the church records. This > often causes people to be hounded relentlessly via > phone calls, texts, and home visits even if they > stop attending. This is a *very* invasive church. > Even if your wife stops attending, some church > busybody might show up on her doorstep offering to > take
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
Lot's Wife Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The advice summer, synonymous, and susan are > giving is excellent, as always. I would add > simply that you should consider being cautious > about how you handle this. > > If it becomes an issue of conflict with your ex, > the children could be caught in the middle and > suffer. Someti
Forum: Recovery Board
4 years ago
elove
> One more thing - you do NOT want your daughters to > get baptized into this so-called church. In my > opinion, this is a hill to die on. I already agree with you, but can you elaborate? Why is baptism such a big, scary deal? This is my frame of reference. They were previously baptized as infants in my ex’s previous (Protestant) church. They just walked away from that to
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