Posted by:
Catcher
(
)
Date: October 03, 2013 01:06AM
I made the mistake of 'liking' the wrong photo on Facebook and earned my mother's shaming and guilt...I tried to explain only to get yet another dose. I. Give. Up. Thoughts on how to deal with this? Was I out of line?
The photo was of some middle east little girls worshipping and said: Child Abuse is convincing an unprepared and undeveloped mind that: they are broken and need to be fixed, they are lost and need to be found, they are unworthy and need to be saved, they are sheep and need to be led.
Then the Email exchange:
Mom:
Wow, I am blown away, I saw your post and I am sorry and grieved beyond measure if this is the message you got from Dad and I and our home. I love you and I know how much Dad loved you and he would understand if you misunderstood and just love you more and so do I. I just want you to be happy and feel loved and understood. Whatever pain you got from our home and upbringing I just can't tell you how sad that makes me. Forgive us for whatever wrong or omission we have committed. Our intent was to give you love and security and faith in a loving Savior. I am so sad by your pain, I wish Dad was here, but I often feel his presence and I know he is close and grieving for you in all your sorrow. Mom (and Dad)
ME:
What are you talking about?
MOM:
That post about Child Abuse is teaching... Recovering from Religion.
ME:
Mom,
http://access.ewu.edu/caps/selfhelp/stressmanage/distortthink.xmlIt might help you to read some of the above distorted thinking styles. Your response to a Facebook page I 'liked' is not warranted.
Just because I have different thoughts than you is not a reason to be 'blown away' or 'grieved beyond measure'.
I never said anything about you or the way I was raised and I don't understand why you are reacting so extreme.
The fact is religions can be very abusive and I'm sure you would agree. I just finished the Scientology book which was beyond disgusting, but there are many good people in it just trying to do what they think is right, just like a thousand other religions including Mormonism. There is a lot of shaming and shunning of people because of different perspectives within religion or leaving a religion altogether...you of all people who just told me when I was there how people need to have common sense instead of just following blindly every tenet in the church, should be a little more compassionate toward the ways that religion can damage people when they do blindly follow while thinking they are just being obedient. That is the point of that post.
I know you and Dad love me and raised me the best way you knew how but I don't have all the same perspectives that you do and there is nothing wrong with that and I don't deserve to be shamed for it.
In the same way that we belong to a religion that was racist and it changed with time, and now is changing with views towards homosexuality and feminism, my views have changed. I do see a lot of abuses in the past that thank goodness have changed both in Mormonism, other religions and in our culture. Circumcision is a good example, I think it is abusive but that doesn't mean YOU are abusive because you had your boys circumcised, you did the best you knew how with the knowledge and culture you lived in and with. Thank goodness times change.
Embrace the positive changes and don't take it all so personally. This is the very reason I don't allow you to read my blog, your reactions to anything I think or feel differently than you is extremely hard to deal with. Don't ever do that to me again, I am almost 50 and I don't owe my mother an explanation every time I do or think something she doesn't approve of, nor will I give you one again. If you can't handle seeing my stuff on Facebook, hide it or don't read it.
I love you.
MOM:
We raised you in religion. How could I not take it personal or feel criticized. I I never shamed you. And I expect you to express what you believe but to me what was said was a personal attack on how you were raised and damaged by the religion we thrust upon you. You are my daughter, I am your mother, how could I not take that personal. I feel criticized in every thing I do or say by you. If I need to get off Facebook to not feel it, I will.