While I am trying to sort things out in my mind tonight, I must ask this. (I am soooo new at just the beginnings of thinking Mormonism is awful for me). As mentioned, I feel like I am being punished for straying 'off the path'.

Seeing all these discussions, made me think. I went through the temple when I was 24, as a never married single parent. I felt it was 'the right thing to do'. (although I did get told a lot that MOST people go through on a mission or when married. They 'assessed' that I was mature enough. UGH!! I hated proving to others I was mature enough to go through. Well, come to find out, maybe they were wrong. :P

Do you REALLY believe all TBM's feel the Spirit soooo strongly and it is the most peaceful, awesome place on earth? Because after I went through.....I cried ALL night and felt so sick inside. I felt I was the 'bad' one and the Lord was punishing me as a single mother for going through. I was confused, weirded out, etc, but everyone kept hugging me in the Celestial Room saying how grand it was.

I have only been a handful of times in 15 years. As I read post after post of my TBM friends, my temple worker dad, etc. I feel alienated. Can I REALLY be the only one that gets so creeped out? I try, and I do fine the first hour. The second hour with all the things they do, feels sooooo creepy. I am not ex-Mormon, and I don't like this stuff, so I feel stuck.

Please tell me that there are those of you that hid how you REALLY felt about the temple. I feel like the odd duck here in Utah!!!!!

*Maybe they were right (I meant). ;)

I liked the temple when I was mormon. When I think back on it, I realize how psychotic it was. I was against women being subject to men, so I abhorred that part. I was against a lot of what went on, but I figured oh well, if this is what god wants me to do. I found out, nope, it isn't what he wants me to do after his "chosen leader" for the Madgascar mission let me almost die twice, that he must either A. hate me or B. not care.

Why did you like it, may I ask?? A good portion of the second half is being subjected to men, so yeah. I really have tried so hard to like it, and I look around, and everyone seems fine. That in itself, is aiding to my extreme anxiety, as I am feeling like some weirdo that can't follow the norm feelings in Utah.

I'm not sure, but each time I went after that I fell asleep and thought it was creepy. When I was out on my mission I thought back to it and thought how much I made myself like it. When I was on my mission I felt better than leading up or being in the MTC because I wasn't in the temple. I never thought of going back once I didn't have it

When I would look around, everyone didn't seem fine. Look anyone in the eye, and they look down in embarassment. I used to go because I thought I was performing necessary service. I felt good about serving. I NEVER felt good about the actual presentation. I endured it, because I believed it was necessary. I think that's why it was so easy to accept that the entire church was a scam when I studied the true history...everything just fell into place..."Oh, THAT'S why I never felt anything in the temple", "THAT'S why I never received any confirmation about the BoM", "THAT'S why polygamy was practiced", etc... I could go on all day. It all just makes sense now.

Yes, it weirded everyone out the first time.

You're not the odd duck. You're just the only one who is telling it like it is. The temple experience is something I wish I'd never had. I now look at it as a comedy routine. Try to imagine it on SNL.

Particularly prior to 1990, I know that many people (some of them told me so) who were married in the temple, were so creeped out they never wanted to return!

I went through also because I thought it was the right thing to do or I should not leave this life w/o taking out my endowment. I have NEVER gone back. It is too bizarre and does not even seem Christian. Veiling your face, chanting in a circle, saying you will obey, etc. Don't deny your feelings. Obey the laws of the land and the Ten Commandments and show love to others. That is what God expects of us. BTW, I left the church a little over a year ago after finally seeing through all the lies, fake people, hypocrisy, guilt and false doctrinal issues. I believe in God, the Savior....attend the Catholic Church and respect other religions. I have attended a few other church services also.

I didn't get immersed in LDS household culture growing up, so I had little experience with garments until I made it to the temple.

I thought it was strange, but I'd enjoyed the church in my youth, and figured this was just the next step.

I never 'enjoyed' the temple, though. I went once before my mission, once a week in the MTC, and when I got married. I can't think of a time I attended outside of obligation.

You're not the only one! It is freaky odd.

When I went through the first time I had to participate in the death oaths. As if I really wanted to pantamine slashing my through, cutting out my heart and committing harekari on my stomach. That's just snot right! Had I know about that in advance, I would not have gone.

Freaking cult.

I was so beaten down and lacking in confidence at that time in my life as a young man, I was more worried about doing everything right--robes, sashes, slippers, hat, rules, go here, say this, sh!t my hands are sweaty and I'm at the veil, look smart, fit in, on and on and on. They had me so preoccupied with my own insecurities, it didn't immediately occur to me how truly messed up the whole thing was.

Five years later however, I had completed a mission, finished college, married a beautiful woman and had a little boy. I was in MY element and tore apart the whole damn religion at nights in the old SLC library.

Get on your home turf, define your life, and it will all fall into place....guaranteed.

^This. Absolutely. When I figured out who I am and where I fit in this world, there was no way in hell I was going to bow my head and say "yes" to anybody. No more going "baaaaaaaaaaah" with the sheep for me

I have read many many stories of people going through and being very freaked out. Many just kept up appearances so they wouldn't disappoint their families. A good friend of mine said they were "freaked" out. A close family member doubted the church was true. But especially if you're about to make a major life change, like getting married or going on a mission, it gets mushed in with those "coming of age" events and turned into something positive and part of growing up, and I think that distorts the bad initial feelings. The feelings become buried instead, and people then try to avoid anything exMormon to avoid facing those painful feelings of fear they had in Mormonism, especially in the temple or when they were otherwise put at the mercy of church authorities who put them through emotional abuse.

I believe some part of everyone feels traumatized by the temple, and for some it's on a conscious level and some it's not. But trauma causes disassociation and a split personality, and that helps further the cult mind control which relies on creating a fake cult self that is split off from your real self and your real feelings. Never ever forget, that trauma and emotional abuse is an essential part of mind control. Anyone who is trying to unethically control someone else will seek to degrade their sense of cohesiveness and stability. Severe trauma in worse cults than Mormonism can effectively turn them into human robots who do whatever they're told.

It's so heavily hyped before you go, and yo are told how very "spiritual" it will be - something akin to graduating with a PhD in Spirituality, right on the spot.

After being "washed and anointed" (blech!) and then getting dressed again (starting with WEIRD skivvies, and then having to wrestle and wrangle with getting the outfit just right during the ceremony, I honestly started wondering when people were going to start bursting out laughing, because the whole thing was so SILLY! And then afterward, when you were hustled out of the much-vaunted Celestial Room - and suddenly it was over - you found yourself thinking, "that's IT?"

Everyone else is wandering around with this loopy, slightly demented glow on their faces and babbling about how "spirt-chul" it was. . .you wonder what's wrong with you because you somehow just didn't get it.

That was a HUGE relief for me, finding RfM and learning that there were others who felt just as I did.

@raiku

Right on. Impressed by you understanding of psycho-manipulation and cult control. Fear is what keeps the higher portions of the brain from fully activating and realizing what is truly going on. Creativity will create new options and new possibilities for living one's life more fully. Fear is the opposite of creativity. When people are in fear, they follow simple orders very effectively.

On a side note, is your name in any way related to the Kingdom Hearts video game series?

I felt the temple was dark and creepy too my first visit. In my memories, the room where they did the endowments and the prayer circle actually was dark and weirdly lit. I know that can't be true because that's not how temples are but the whole memory is more like a badly lit, bad dream.

The next time I went to the temple was on my mission while in the MTC. That whole time was so crazy making AND I was so busy trying to remember how to put on all the clothes and hurry, so I didn't embarrass myself in front of the other missionaries. After my mission I was so "Mormon" that the temple didn't bother me. Actually, by that time I was pretty much zoning out during the temple ceremony anyway. It's so dang boring. So I guess I enjoyed the temple enough at that point because I wasn't paying attention. It was nice to have somewhere to go and just daydream.

As far as creepy goes, I would never go back again because it's way past weird now.

OH my God, don't feel bad "questionsnoanswers"... the only reason I didn't feel horrible is b/c the church brainwashed me into not ever asking questions. I thought it was odd how women ordained me and gave me a quasi blessing, and I felt weird being "washed and anointed". I heard it's actually better now, that they used to strip you down completely naked. I think it's normal for you to feel this way... and I live in Utah, also. It's horrible here from the Mo aspect of things. You and I should have coffee sometimes. Mormonism is NOT true... it's a fairy tale, and a shoddily written one at that. Please keep digging for truth.

I definitely did not enjoy my first visit to the temple! I was so disoriented by it all; it was nothing like I had expected and none of it made sense. All my life I had learned that you went to the temple to learn about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I learned very little, certainly nothing cohesive or helpful. I wanted to ask a million questions while in the Celestial room but didn't know where to begin and, come to find out, nobody sits in there for more than a few minutes anyway.

in 15 years of temple attendance, with my husband and father serving as temple workers once a week, after having sung in the dedication choir for a temple, I never understood it any better. In fact, over time when I began to acknowledge the questions I was having the confusion became worse. It's very effective for the church to forbid discussion of the temple outside the temple. If members could talk freely about it the church would be in a world of hurt.

My sister was freaked out, my friend said it was weird. Thankfully, I never went through myself.

if members talked about what went on in the temple, they would stop building them. Why? Because very few would go.

I HATED the temple. That is what truly first planted the seeds of doubt for me. All the creepy rituals and handshakes... just wtf?? I thought, there is no way I will remember all of this crap, why does God want me to anyways?

"Just bow your head and say yes."

My mom told me that it was completely different than she expected it to be and she said she didn't like it. She said it bothered her. She would not elaborate because it is supposed to be a secret.
My friend (who is now out of Moism) said it scared her enough to quit the church. She experienced an evil feeling in the temple, especially when Satan tells about the apron and then everyone puts their aprons on. She felt like she was obeying Satan because HELLOOOO she was.
I think many many people fake their feelings about the temple because TBMs fake many things. They are told that they should feel a burning in the bosom, they are told they should feel a sense of heavenly peace in the temple. When those things don't happen, they fake it. VERY SAD bunch of people.
I am happy I missed it but I have seen it on the internet and it is CREEPY.

Yes, I was creeped-out too. So was my daughter.

I actually felt the presence of evil, every time I was forced to go to the temple. The first time, I became physically ill, and had to leave the endowment ceremony a few times. The matrons were upset with me, when I asked if I could sit in the back by the door, but they said I HAD to sit next to my "companion." You see, Mormons make sure that a member has someone supervising them, through their first temple rituals. My mother sat on one side of me, and my SIL on my other side. Otherwise, I think I would have run out of there when they ask if anyone wants to leave. (They ask this before all the weird rituals and oaths begin, and no one knows what is going to happen.

1. Mormons keep the temple stuff secret for a reason! Because it is creepy!

2. You are assigned a companion for a reason.

Mormons tell you that if you have intuitions and feelings that are not taught by the cult, that Satan has a hold on you. Not true! A human being is wired for survival, and has real, true warning mechanisms. My heart pounded, I couldn't breathe under the veil, I became physically sick.

Your illness was a gut reaction to being in a cult, to being lied to, to being degraded.

I went through the temple my first and only time in 1975. It was totally weird and strange to me. I could not believe what I had just gone through. No spirit, no peaceful feeling, no visions of angels. Nothing but strange handshakes and hand movement symbols of death. The movie was vaguely interesting, only because Eve was pretty hot.

Less than a week later I had joined the Army and left home. What does that tell ya! ;)

Also, Joseph took the idea from the Masons for all the ritual in the temple ceremony. Church teaches the temple is sacred and necessary for salvation. I believed this meant it came from god. Boy, was I suprised when i found out all the signs and tokens are taken from Masonic lodge rituals. Also, as noted by some above, the temple ceremony has evolved over the years to remove an oath to avenge the blood of Joseph smith. Then in 1990 the penalties to yourself where removed. In the past the temple was even more upsetting to people than today. I have discussed the changes with family that are Tbm and I say that god would not change the ceremony once reviled. The scriptures teach that god is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Just a few thoughts I had on the temple. I enjoyed reading all the other comments and the op is very brave to come here with her thoughts!

I haven't been for years but I went through before the 1990 changes. I'll admit I'm glad that people who started going after 1990 still think it's creepy.

You can't imagine how much worse it was pre-1990. Chanting in some made up language, pantomiming my own disembowelment and throat cutting, having an old man put oil on my chest, arms, legs and "loins". Seriously.

The Temple is where everybody learns TSCC is just another Bat-$hit Crazy Cult.

When mormons insist they're not a cult, I reply, "Really? Let's talk about the temple." Then the conversation ends up with me saying, "You don't get to say you're not a cult, and then claim your cultish behavior is too sacred to talk about. And in addition, as long as you're baptizing and endowing our dead ancestors, I feel no regret in revealing to the outside world what you're doing in their names."

+1!

But the rituals and setting are so weird that occasionally the brainwashing breaks down. A few perceptive participants get a glimmer of how cultish it is in there. Unfortunately, they've undergone secondary brainwashing to feel the problem is their own lack of faith and worthiness.

I definitely thought it was weird the first time through right before my mission, but I was supposed to like it so didn't stress too much about it. We went every so often on my mission in Southern California and I remember enjoying the temple trips because, as a previous poster mentioned, I could just sit there and zone out for a few hours - a rare treat in mission life.

After the mission, I noticed I had no real desire to attend the temple at all, but I went here and there when invited, and then when I got married. I gradually found more and more not to like about the temple, including lots of things that didn't make sense in the ceremony, plus the fact that I felt absolutely nothing "spiritual" there. When I found RfM 7 years ago, it was also a huge relief to know that I wasn't the only one who felt the same way. I haven't been since at least 2005 and my TBM wife rarely makes any effort to go by herself, even though we live within 5 minutes of a temple (and we don't live in Utah!).

I was in the zombie stage the first time I went. It was my wedding day and i didn't take much in.
Now I am somewhat grateful for the temple. It helped me understand where my first husband was coming from with his PH control tactics. Whenever he had difficulty controlling me he would insist we return to the temple where I got to rewatch Eve committing to her husband. It became more and more clear that he viewed men as rulers over women because of PH power. Although tbm, that did not sit well with me and I resisted. I tried to reason with my husband about the control thing and how it contradicted JC's example. Then suddenly that part of the temple ceremony was changed and softened. But by then he was an ex. He'd left me because he couldn't control me.
Thanks for listening - it feels good to put that in words. It's all making sense -that it was nonsense to start with.

Lying? I think everyone lies to themselves. They are confused participants in the parade of the emperor's new clothes, or should I say temple clothes.

that she almost left the lds church over the temple. She told me this after she came home from her mission. I had heard other things. It really irritated me that they didn't tell us more. I don't like not knowing--what are they hiding? I have a very vivid imagination.

When I went the first time--I felt it was bizarre. Had many odd thoughts like that stupid hat my future husband was wearing. I about burst out laughing. I have to admit that I was RELIEVED that it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it. BUT I only made it back 4 or maybe 5 times. My husband made me feel guilty a lot about not going--but I just couldn't bring myself to go. It was just more than I could take.

For me--I had to make it to the temple, though. I would have always wondered what I had missed out on--that they had some big wonderful secret I wasn't hearing about. I have friends and family members who never went through and they still think something really special goes on in there no matter what I've told them. I think you really have to experience it to be able to KNOW it is ridiculous.

Think about it. 99% of the Mormons who go through the temple, do so right before going on a mission or getting married. Rejecting the endowment would disqualify the member from the mission or the temple marriage. That's a lot of pressure.

Cult.

I've posted about this experience before, but the short version is that I was a little bit scared.
There is a chance for first timers to ask any questions they might have, so the Temple Pres and I went into a room where he proceeded to assure me that everything was okay, and that my reaction was not terribly unusual. When we came out my Bishop said "that must've been some question".

This was after they took out the truly creepy crap in 1990.

The one thing I do know is that it was a deep conflict to make this monumental achievement in my life, be sealed to my wife and kids, gain the affection and admiration of my parents, and still recognize that the spirit I felt that day was nothing at all like I expected. The 'spirit' in that place was far different than the one I experienced in every other aspect of church and religious life.

The church wants people to go for the first time just as they are going on mission or right when they are first married: both times that they believe they can get you to go every few weeks. In the MTC you are forced to spend time in the temple EVERY week. By the end of my 9 weeks, it all seemed rather mundane.

But when I first sat in that endowment room, and the loudspeaker said that we could leave if we didn't want to covenant with god(covenants that would not be disclosed till one hour later), but that we had to leave RIGHT THEN, in front of everyone, my heart screamed out, for the first time in my young life:

I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE! I CAN'T LEAVE! THAT OFFER TO LET ME LEAVE IS A FARCE! WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN?

I stayed, as they knew I would. I was 19 and not ready to be kicked out of my parents' house, homeless, impoverished and alone.

Interestingly enough, after I finally left, (most of) my family has abandoned me, and done everything in their power to destroy my life.

I hid how I felt about the temple. I hid everything genuine about myself for 27 years. Then I finally broke down and said, "Enough!"

Good topic.

My mom has compared it to a game of chess.
Or singing a song with words in a foreign language.

I guess she's not good at board games or using google translate.
Oh that's right, she loves magical thinking and values her feelings over facts.

She's very brainwashed. I can tell when I've said trigger words, canned responses start coming out of her mouth. It's like stumbling into an apologetic see 'n say. Thinking stops.

I’ve never been a Mormon so I can’t speak from experience but my ex-wife, who is just beginning her journey out of Mormonism, has told me in the past that she always considered the Temple ceremony to be a little odd. She’s now telling me that it’s far worse than odd, she thinks there’s something very wrong that she can’t quite pin down. Anyway, she refuses to go to a temple now because of the way it makes her feel.

Don’t ever worry about feeling the odd one out because the truth is, you’re not as that can be seen from the many comments in here. Sure, most if not all are now ex-Mormon but the fact remains that even when they were deep into the church they knew something wasn’t right. Perhaps most if not all of us have a natural & built in aversion to unnatural stuff like that.

Questionsnoanswers, The negative feelings you experience & the negative thoughts you have are the direct result of indoctrination. You have been told year on year that there is something wrong with you if you don’t go along with everything that’s been drummed into you by an evil corporation whose only interest in you revolves around what you can do for them.
It’s time to realise that you don’t need them; its time to realise there is life outside of the cult. It’s time to cut yourself free & to start living a meaningful life centred on your daughter & you. The only thing the LDS should get from you is your total & utter contempt.

Ps. God isn’t punishing you so please stop punishing yourself J

Seen it on You Tube, it IS creept, glad I never went. Would have. Been one of life's big dissapointments. Especally after all the false hype...

CULT! CULT! CULT!!!!!!

40 years I was in that freaking cult church!! Brainwashed and manipulated. I never liked the temple. I went through in 1992 for my mission.

I hated baptisms for the dead because we were required to shower naked in front of our young men's leaders.

I HATED THE WASHING AND ANNOINTING! Why would God's church require anyone to be naked and have some strange old man touching you all over your body??? A long time ago my dad came out that he was gay. He used to be a temple worker. It made me sick thinking of him touching other guys with oil all over their bodies.

I hated the endowment. Have ANY outsider look at that short YouTube video about the temple (around 7 minutes) and ask them what they think of God's one and only true church?!?

Freaking cult!

My wife and I felt the same way about the temple. But we continued to pay and obey so we could stay in good faith with the cult...I mean club...I mean, God's only true church. Just bow your head and say, "Yes"..."That will do."

The only thing that got me through was I loved to see how much faster I could put on and change the stupid robes and baker's hat. I was always first to sit back down! Yeah baby!

It's so rediculous to think people are going to be required to give their new name and handshakes to get into heaven.

I went to the temple faithfully for over 25 years. NEVER, was there any discussion about why we do the things we do there. Someone PLEASE tell me why I wore a baker's cap with a bow on the outside and a stupid tampon string that made it tie to the dumb robe?? All that does is make the baker's hat rip off your head when the stupid robe falls off your shoulder!!

Maybe I could never really feel the spirit because I was always fidgeting with my darn celestial outfit!!

BTW, if anyone needs a good new name to get into heaven, you can use mine...NEPHI. Just shout that name to Jesus, give ole Joe your handshakes and a parting high-five, and stroll right past Peter holding open those pearly gates!!

Effin cult!

I guess 20 years of temple attendance...I feel older then I am, and I look even older than that! That's what 40 years of Cognitive Dissonance does to ya. :(

I think there are TBM that truly believe that it is a spiritual experience. I know I would be hard pressed to convince my parents and grandparents that it is creepy. They basically gave their life to the church and their family.