Posted by:
sunnynomo
(
)
Date: October 31, 2013 02:42PM
Hi, Kneedeep. I can sympathize with your dilemma - it is remarkably similar to mine. When my son was 9 and my daughter 51/2 we moved to a very mormon neighborhood. We are nevermos, but with large extended mormon family on my husband's side and a great amount of exposure, having grown up in the "morridor". My son has had close friends that were, and still are, very TBM (his very best friend ever is on a mission in South America right now). There was NEVER an issue. My daughter had a few early run-ins that we were able to work through without too much trouble, and about 5 years of relatively smooth sailing. Then junior high happened. I don't know if it is the influx of several schools and the resultant show of "righteousness" that is necessary, but the pressure became insanely intense. Halfway through 8th grade, my spidey sense led me to read a note she had left out on the counter. She had "converted" to mormonism and was getting her friend's help in hiding it from me and her dad. I came to find out that there were parents (many, if not all) of her friends that were in on the "secret" and were giving her literature, emotional support, and lessons. I can't prove it, but I am certain that the missionaries had met with her.
The entire situation came to a head one Friday night. My son had been admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery, my in-laws were on their way in from out of town, and my daughter recieved in the mail an acceptance letter for a Catholic prep school that she was not very interested in attending. She lost it, and ran off. Rather than returning to the hospital to be with my son, I began a frantic search for my daughter. None of her friend's parents would answer the phone, let alone help me. After about three hours, I got a call from one mom that tipped me off as to where she was.
When I got to the house, her bike was out front. I put it in the pickup and knocked on the door. What followed was the single most insulting episode of my life. I was reduced to having to negotiate with an absolute dick who refused to release my daughter to me. It was only after dialing the police to report him for kidnapping that he told her to leave. He is a local politician that, I am sad to say, won his election unnaposed a few months later.
What then? It sounds simplistic - but we decided we were in charge, not her feelings. I told her she was forbidden to join a cult. If she tried again, I would have all of her parent's friends arrested. Extreme measures for extreme times. She knows I meant it. My husband had a pointed conversation with Dear Son's dad - who has always been a friend and reasonable. He told him if there was ever any attempt again, that we would involve the police and the press - and not the local press. Mittens was running for president at the time. I was furious that they would listen to my husband and not me. We sent her to the prep school, where she is now in her second year, getting a better education, and relieved that she escaped. I innundated her with information, even though she resisted.
Swim team. Hiking club. Public Library volunteer. Soup kitchen volunteer once a week. Competitive painting. Whatever. She needs a group that will take up a ton of her time. Anything that the mormons can't do because of YW or family home evening or whatever. If you can, a charter school, a private school, a different school.
I know how hard this is and I know it seems scary. It hurts so bad when you have a great kid that is being shunned (for whatever reason). You have an advantage. You are trying to plan instead of having to react.
I am pulling for you. Always remember: you are in the driver's seat. Don't give those weenies an inch to appease them. They take anything besides a stomp on their foot as encouragement. And sorry this is so rambling.