Like grieving, there is a process one goes through when they change such a major part of themselves. Of course there are degrees. One might grieve the loss of a goldfish much less than the loss of a loved spouse or good friend.

There is no set pattern but I've come to believe that the amount of time to move through this process has a strong correlation with not only the amount of time but also the level of commitment one had to the Church before making the "exit discoveries". We write on this "recovery" site, and yet it is up to each of us to define for our own selves what recovery actually means. If you live within the Mormon Corridor is harder to make a complete exit because it is so much of the surrounding culture and there seem to be events and if only for a moment drag "the Church" back into awareness.

1. curiosity
2. beginning of discovery
3. fervent study to combat creeping doubt
4. dismay
5. desperation
6. awareness
7. fear
8. depression
9. anger / bitterness
10.desire to destroy the lie - convince others
11.passage of time, bitterness subsides
12.disinterest

These were my steps. About a year ago someone asked me who the members of the "first presidency" where and I wasn't entirely sure. I hadn't thought about it for a long time. I was at disinterest. But as soon as I was there the theocracy raised it's ugly fist to control some facet of Utah laws and I slid to anger. These days I find myself sliding between disinterest and anger but I spend a lot more days unaware and disinterested than I do caring at all about the Mormon Church.

How about the rest of you? Where are you and what was your path?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/21/2014 08:50PM by SLDrone.

I don't think I ever passed through a depression phase though I often fear the reality that this life is likely it with nothing after. I think I mostly go in and out of the bitterness stage depending on how often church stuff is brought up by extended family. If there weren't so many Mormons around, I think I could easily slip into being just plain disinterested in it all.

While there is still some residual anger from my time in and what happened - mostly I think about Mormonism because I choose to.

Not only that, but Mormonism is actually incredibly funny to me. While the structure and certain doctrines are clearly damaging - I see much of Mormonism as profoundly silly.

It should be made fun of because it's ridiculous, and I feel that a great part of recovery is to be able to laugh at the things that try to hurt us.

Wow, sure glad to see that YOU're back!

Don't be no stranger.


To answer your question, I'm somewhere south of question 10. I still like to argue, only now I am no longer hiding any feeling or really caring about the other person's emotional connection to Mormonism. In short, I'm sometimes a dick when it comes to Mormons. I should feel badly, but I don't. I'm just so tired of the lying. And I still have several important family members tied up in a cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2014 08:35AM by cludgie.

I'm responsible for raising my kids in the cult, now they are adults and parents raising their children in the church.

It angers me that they are so entrenched in Mormonism, and I never see them getting out. Watching my sons tell their children to fold their arms before saying a blessing, telling their children to be more "reverent", and making them sit through 3 hours of church each Sunday angers me.

Even though I started it all, it is frustrating to watch Mormonism continue on in my family. At least my children pray for me and tell me that they put my name in the temple to help me. Yeah, I'm still angry.

Even though I figured out the scam 10 years ago my 'recovery' process is all over the map. Right now I'd say I swing back and forth between dismay to depression to anger and back to dismay.
TSCC has completely screwed up my wife. She suffers major depression and constantly feels inadequate compared to some of the other super-uber sisters in the ward. I once attempted to let her know my feelings about the church and it sent her into a tailspin of depression so I no longer bring it up.
Even though there have been 10 years that have passed since I figured it all out I haven't had the luxury yet of subsiding bitterness or disinterest.

My path wasn't like that. I realize that I am in the minority as well. When I left Mormonism it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. After the initial upheaval and complete redefinition of my life and the people in my life, I started living. I started becoming curious about Mormonism and Mormon culture after I stopped being Mormon. As a Mormon I approached it as a believer, but now I approach it as an academic.

I never was angry or dismayed at what Mormonism did to me. From the very beginning I accepted that it was my choice to be Mormon and how I acted towards other people was my fault. Not everyone has to think that way, but in my case it was true, and accepting it made my life significantly better. In my case it would make no sense to blame others or to blame the religion.

The path I chose is different than most, but I accept that.

In the beginning there was doubt enmeshed in fear, enmeshed with love bombing, so I got baptized.

I spent the next thirteen years trying to make the Church true. Moved to Salt Lake, went to the Temple, married, a child BIC, accepted callings, rarely missed SM or SC but always under the surface were my doubts.

Every time the doubts serviced I would have questions and when I started asking questions I was told I was being tempted by the Adversary [Mormon word for Satan :-) ] So I'd "put my shoulder to the wheel and push (literally) along" trying to convince myself I had a testimony and the Church was true.

When our daughter was a toddler and began talking, one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, she was parroting "Mormon Speak". Mama, that is President-A-Kimball". She'd run up to the Bishop and he'd pick her up and she'd say, "I love Bishop a- B_____". I knew I did not want to and could not teach her Mormon Doctrine. That day when DH came home I greeted him with, "I can't do this anymore." My husband, also a convert, was way ahead of me but he waited and waited and waited - 9 years - so he was delighted with my "I can't do this anymore."

We walked away together. I KNEW it was okay to walk away from the Mormon Church. Haven't been inside a chapel since and don't know any Mormons where we live. We are off the radar. However, the "what ifs" surfaced from time to time so I never made our leaving official as in resigning our membership. I had nothing to do with Mormonism but left my name on "just in case". That dear man waited another 17 years for me to actually have our names removed.

The daughter of the family that love bombed me was visiting us and she was inactive and she knew we'd left the church but when she said, "But we are Mormons" I said, "I'm not. I don't believe Mormonism, I don't think Mormon, I'm not a Mormon." She repeated, "But we're Mormons." Her having said that I realized that as long as my name is on the Church records that signifies I condone the teachings and practices of the Mormon Church.

Then I found Eric K's Recovery from Mormonism and read everything there and then we wrote our letter to the Church and had our names removed. Thank you Eric!

in the words of MLK, "Free at last, free at last."

Hi. I'm Helen and I'm an exmormon.

I am cludgie. I have met Helen, and do testify that she is true, made of flesh and blood like unto Man. She did call me by name, saying, "cludgie, this is my beloved husband; hear Thou him."

cludgie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am cludgie.

I have a testimony that you cludgie are real.

DH and I loved meeting you and hope we have another exmo get together soon.

Last month was the 47th. anniversary of our first date and today is our 46th. wedding anniversary.

DH asked me where I wanted to go and I said, "The Irish Pub" and we won't need signs or tokens to enter.

Thank you for sharing that story Helen; very powerful.

1.
2.
3.
6.
9.
10.
11.

I never felt fearful or desperate, thank goodness.

I'm longing for disinterest. RfM probably isn't helping because the more I hear about LDS, Inc. the more it rekindles my anger. I also keep running into old ward members who I know cannot afford the financial toll the church places on them. If the people I know could just see the light or if I could live somewhere away from the constant reminders, I'd probably slip into disinterest and a little forgetfulness. That's my dream.

SLDrone,

It's good to "see" you. I haven't been around a lot lately, but I remember you from several years ago. Hope you are well. Peace.

Disinterest. Been that way for many years. Im one who was the only LDS in my family so it was easy peasy to leave with no upheaval on the family front..

I come back to RfM from time to time out of curiosity as to how the leadership is dealing with clearly the large number of those exiting.

Also find myself curious about what Tom Phillips is up to (I had no idea something was brewing up until about 3 weeks ago), but wanting to follow this.

Also like to lend support and understanding to those who are at the beginning stages of exiting.

No real anger. Haven't had that in a long long time. Just disinterest.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2014 02:51PM by angela.

SLDRONE, I've been a fan of yours for years...and would still LOVE to have lunch with you were you so inclined....Heck I'd even buy.

Any way, I couldn't name the members of the 12 if I tied...1st presidency...yeah I think I could. But Mormonism still impacts my life daily despite having left the church years ago.

Like yourself I too float between disinterest and moderate anger (they are what they are and I try not to get to upset over things I have no control over) at the manipulation and guilt they inflict on Utah

If level of commitment + time = long recovery, then I'm in trouble. Stopped attending in March 2010, sent in resignation recently so waiting for paperwork to confirm my family's separation from the evil empire.

I'm at #9 and fluctuate back and forth on the anger thing but it subsides, and I am left with feeling truly grateful to have my family out, and maybe a few more years to enjoy my life.