Posted by:
Helen
(
)
Date: January 22, 2014 11:39AM
In the beginning there was doubt enmeshed in fear, enmeshed with love bombing, so I got baptized.
I spent the next thirteen years trying to make the Church true. Moved to Salt Lake, went to the Temple, married, a child BIC, accepted callings, rarely missed SM or SC but always under the surface were my doubts.
Every time the doubts serviced I would have questions and when I started asking questions I was told I was being tempted by the Adversary [Mormon word for Satan :-) ] So I'd "put my shoulder to the wheel and push (literally) along" trying to convince myself I had a testimony and the Church was true.
When our daughter was a toddler and began talking, one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, she was parroting "Mormon Speak". Mama, that is President-A-Kimball". She'd run up to the Bishop and he'd pick her up and she'd say, "I love Bishop a- B_____". I knew I did not want to and could not teach her Mormon Doctrine. That day when DH came home I greeted him with, "I can't do this anymore." My husband, also a convert, was way ahead of me but he waited and waited and waited - 9 years - so he was delighted with my "I can't do this anymore."
We walked away together. I KNEW it was okay to walk away from the Mormon Church. Haven't been inside a chapel since and don't know any Mormons where we live. We are off the radar. However, the "what ifs" surfaced from time to time so I never made our leaving official as in resigning our membership. I had nothing to do with Mormonism but left my name on "just in case". That dear man waited another 17 years for me to actually have our names removed.
The daughter of the family that love bombed me was visiting us and she was inactive and she knew we'd left the church but when she said, "But we are Mormons" I said, "I'm not. I don't believe Mormonism, I don't think Mormon, I'm not a Mormon." She repeated, "But we're Mormons." Her having said that I realized that as long as my name is on the Church records that signifies I condone the teachings and practices of the Mormon Church.
Then I found Eric K's Recovery from Mormonism and read everything there and then we wrote our letter to the Church and had our names removed. Thank you Eric!
in the words of MLK, "Free at last, free at last."
Hi. I'm Helen and I'm an exmormon.