So the TBM brother came and left and the visit was a bit awkward, but pleasant. Sunday arrived and there were things that just needed to be done. I offered to direct him to church, but he said no he would just do whatever we were doing. So, it’s off to Starbucks and then a bunch of errands involving returns, shopping and selling items at Half Price Book. He didn’t blink at my coffee and didn’t say anything about DH’s wine bottle on the counter top. There was an awkward pause before dinner, where I probably should have offered to let him bless the food, but…

I was dying to ask my brother if he knew about City Creek and what he thought, but I didn’t. I didn’t say the “atheist” word or any other belief word. I did give him several books on CD. Science/fact based books that might nudge his brain just a bit.
The Cannon by Natalie Angier.
Blink by Malcom Gladwell.
Freakanomics by Dubner and Levitt.

Thanks for the good advice.

Sounds like what my visits with my sister were like during my last few years as a mo. It was a little awkward, as I would go places with her on Sunday, and wouldn't bat am eye at her coffee or wine, I just wouldnt have any myself. If he isn't going haywire, that's a good sign :)

He put spending time with family over spending time at church, he didn't bat an eye at your non-Mormon ways, and never once tried to guilt-trip you or convert you back. Given that he had to overcome cult programming to act like a thoroughly decent human being, he deserves a big "thank you".

As for sending him eye-opening reading materials, DON'T. He's respecting you and your right to believe as you wish, so you should extend him the same courtesy. If he ever asks for info, then you can share.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2014 09:57AM by mysid.

That's good advice. He's showing you respect by not pushing his beliefs on you and you should do the same. If he asks about your non-belief and tries to dig for more, then you should comply and share more but for now let it be.

Sounds like he's doing a great job of accepting your not being Mormon. I'd leave it there, at least for a while.

He was awesome. And I will completely thank him for his kindness. I thank you all for your good advice. Sometimes I get the itch to let TBMs in my life know I’m an atheist. If they aren’t asking or pushing their beliefs, I’ll just be grateful and leave it alone.

Our goal as exmos is not to force-convert Mormons to
exMormonism, but to gain their respect for us as exMormons.

Each year they sit through a Sunday School lesson on
apostates, and how we leave because of either desire to sin,
or puffed-up pride ("mispelled name, milk strippings"). Say
that you used to be a Mormon but left the Church and then some
Mormon will start rambling about how living the gospel is not
easy and a lot of people just take the easy way out yadda
yadda.

We are where we are because of a serious approach, not a
superficial one. We are where we are because we care deeply
about truth, not because of indifference to it. We are where
we are in spite of pressures to conform, not because we gave
in to pressures to leave. The important thing is that the
TMBs see us for what we are--not that they necessarily agree
with our position--but that they realize our actual motives.

Your brother seems to have given you that respect. Well done.