Almost every classroom seems to have an obsessive tattler. This is a child who comes to school thinking its his or her job to team up with the teacher and help run the classroom to see to it that fellow students follow the rules.

Why is this a problem? It means the tattler is incapable of normal bonding. They get their social and emotional validation from unquestioned authority figures, never from friends or equals. They don't learn how to naturally interact with peers.

When I taught kindergarten, I shared a classroom with a teacher who would say on the first day each year, "Oh, oh! We've got this list of children and we have to teach them how to play and how to be friends."

One of her favorite phrases was, "YOU are just a little child not the boss. Don't tell me my job and don't tell other kids what to do."

Yesterday, I started a thread about mormon tattlers. RfMers told about being informed on because of drinking hot chocolate from a possible coffee cup, for not wearing garmies 24/7, for not having children soon enough in marriage, for wearing short skirts and the "wrong" kind of earrings, for talking while a priesthood guy was speaking, and many more.

The mormon church is the only one I know which has meetings with tattling as an agenda item.

So is it any wonder that mormon friendships and family relationships tend to fall apart more easily than others?

My TBM mother who is 91 has always had a rule about not letting VTers, HTers, or other extreme TBMs into her house except in the very tidy and TBMish accessorized living room. She knows that mormon misinformation and gossip ruins reputations.

So if mom needs a handyman, maid service, or home health provider, she seeks out a nonmo. This isn't always easy since she lives in an almost 100% morgbot neighborhood.

Adult mormons are often still in a kindergarten tattling mindset. They look for infractions to gossip and tattle about to each other, RP, and bish. This informant attitude doesn't make for lasting, trusting, or authentic friendships. It's destructive to marital relations and familiy interactions as well. Even adult and elderly mormons seem to be pathetically dependent on authority figures for their validation and sense of worth. How sad is that??

OMG...Is that the front room's purpose?

I never knew, but always wondered why in the Morridor there is a room that is kept so neat and perfect, but not available for daily use.

I bought my grandfather's house and my younger siblings still say they feel like they are doing something wrong by going into the front room. Grandma never let anybody into the room. She kept the sliding doors shut except for large gatherings (and I'm sure the HT/VT).

Otherwise they normally read, knitted, and watched TV only in the den (a much smaller room).

Couched in loftier terms than "tattling," of course; but Cheryl is right.

I had to laugh at that one. Because it's so true. In Relief Society presidency meeting, the agenda item is called "Sisters of Concern" (which actually means "Sisters who aren't attending enough meetings, what they are doing wrong in their lives, and how we can FIX them--or at least pretend that's why we are discussing their private business"). I saw through that one while I was still TBM. I knew that stuff was none of my business, and we weren't going to reactivate somebody or make them believe by assigning them to bring the rolls to homemaking meeting.


Cheryl, SO true about people who can't bond normally with peers, but are all about telling other people how to follow the rules or tattling on them. I think there is a much higher percentage of Mormons who relate to others in this way than you would see in normal society. And the tattling IS like a kindergartener.

A common variation on that: they act as if THEY are the authority, and THEIR preferences are the rules.

+1

"couched in loftier terms" is exactly right.

"spiritual discussions with 'your' or your 'families' welfare in mind" with the "proper" authorities as they have been given "charge" over your salvation. you are being "lorded over" behind your back. It is sneaky and underhanded and just because it is cloaked in righteousness, still it's nothing more than "meddling" in private affairs.

Grown supposedly intelligent adults acting like children.

Someone put it best I think when the said "The church creates intellectual children and tattle tales out of perfectly good people".

David Mills author of "Atheist Universe" put it best by calling believers "THE GREAT PRETENDERS". These pretenders sometimes do good but it is at the expense of overall integrity IMO.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2011 12:33PM by AmIDarkNow?.

Cheryl Wrote:
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> Almost every classroom seems to have an obsessive tattler. This is a child who comes to school thinking its his or her job to team up with the teacher and help run the classroom to see to it that fellow students follow the rules.
>
> Why is this a problem? It means the tattler is incapable of normal bonding. They get their social and emotional validation from unquestioned authority figures, never from friends or equals. They don't learn how to naturally interact with peers.

I was in a classroom full of tattlers yesterday. Very immature group of kids.

You got me thinking about what personality traits go along with tattling. I would say immaturity, black/white thinking (something is either all right or all wrong, and if it's all wrong, you'd better tell about it,) too much dependence on authority figures as opposed to using personal judgment, and a lack of judgment in general.

I also think that tattlers have not really internalized the rules that they follow (and insist that others follow as well.) They follow rules simply because thats what an authority figure requires. A church member who tattles on another member for supposedly drinking coffee does not stay coffee-free for health concerns. She stays coffee-free because those in authority tell her to do so. Internally, she doesn't understand or agree with the reasoning behind the rule. And in many cases, there is no logical reason behind the rule anyway.

I had a little girl stop a lesson yesterday to inform me that little Johnny was chewing gum. She couldn't understand why I was unhappy with *her*. She lacked the judgment to know that the lesson was the important thing, and that Johnny's small transgression was far down the scale in importance.

I think that Mormon bishops who give tattle-tales the time of day are encouraging very immature, unproductive behavior that stifles genuine spiritual growth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2011 10:40AM by summer.

Tattlers who follow the rules don't internalize them but only give them lip service and do it to get attention or to undermine in legitmate value of their peers.

I always told kids to only tell on someone if there was obvious immediate danger, blood, or vomit.

I'd stop the tattler before his/her mouth opened and say, "If you're telling on someone, think if there is danger, blood, or vomit. If not, go back and finish your own work."

Then they'd slink off and get back to business.

Cheryl Wrote:
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> Tattlers who follow the rules don't internalize them but only give them lip service and do it to get attention or to undermine in legitmate value of their peers.

Right, it's an ego-building activity. They tell on others to build themselves up *by* tearing others down.

In a church context, it's not exactly condusive to expanding spiritual awareness. You don't "win" by having others "lose."

Cheryl, this was an interesting comparison. As a Grade One teacher, I've dealt with my share of tattlers as well. In fact, I tell parents that learning the difference between tattling and "telling on" for real and important reasons (safety, vandalism etc) is one of the most important lessons their child will learn at school. And of course, some kids learn it better than others.

The kind of tattler that I find most difficult to deal with are the ones who go about it in a subtle, backhanded way. They'll say, "Teacher, are we allowed to (x, y or z)" when you know that they already know "x, y or z" is not allowed. While asking, they will often glance meaningfully in the direction of somebody doing "x, y or z". This presumably in hopes that I will notice that they themselves are NOT misbehaving in that way while having the added bonus of somebody else getting in trouble. In my experience, these are generally the kids who are the most insecure about themselves.

I wonder if this type of "tattling" still manifests itself among adults in an lds ward?

Perhaps this is a stage between blatant tattling and learning the lesson? At least I hold out the hope.

Tattling was dealt with quite easily. If it wasn't life threatening, vitally important then they received the same punishment as the person they told on. I use it with my grandchildren now although it is a bit tricker with them as I have two that I have to teach to "use their words" so the balance it very difficult. :)

That would cure any tattler in no time! LOL

He starts his student teaching in elementary education next semester. Thanks for your advice about tattlers!

I have to comment about the front room in mormondom, I think it corresponds to the parlor that exists (or existed) in many homes where one entertains those external to the immdediate family circle and the room rarely is used.

My parents were once called to be "property managers." I found their instruction sheet on my father's desk. Their job was to enter missionary dwellings while the missionaries were out. They were given a list of contraband items such as magazines and TVs and radios and books and posters that they were to search for. They were to report directly to the bishop.

When I saw the paper, I told my mother that I found it shameful. You should have seen the look on her face. She had nothing to say.

Entering Mish apartments searching for 'contraband'????

WOW! ZL/DLs used to do that covertly when MISHs were home...
BUT ENTERING APTS WHEN TYEY'RE GONE ?!#*!

a) What about...oh say.. TRESPASSING?
b) whose name(s) are the apts rented in????
c) Do they 'confiscate' (STEAL) items that 'aren't allowed'?
THEY C/SHOULD BE PROSECUTED FOR THAT!!!
d) <minor> When I was a MISH, Bps were Out of Mish leadership loop; Has That Changed? it was ALWAYS the m.p.


another Example of Gestapo Tactics, Done in 'name of God/Good'

Sounds like something straight out of the Russian KGB or Nazi Germany.

1. I've been a nudist/naturist for a long, long time. At one point my 'TBM' wife was also...

2. (few yrs ago)Near Where I lived (east King County, WA)a meeting of the 'State Parks & Recreation Commission' was scheduled.

3. One of the Agenda Items was a possible designation of A PART OF a state park (believe it included a beach) as Clothing-Optional...

4. I testified in front of the commission; print & electronic media were there...

(can u guess what comes next?)

5. 'SEVERAL' phone calls to the Bp who called me in...He 'put me on "probation" (NOT EXPLAINED, I'd NEVER Heard/known about THAT!) FOR TESTIFYING AT A PUBLIC MEETING/HEARING!!!!

That, to me, typifies the extent to which MoLeaders 'think" their CONTROL MUST EXTENT TO!

I believe dwellings my parents were to look in were owned by members, who of course went along with it.

My parents were not told to remove "contraband."

And I'm sure the bishop reported to the Mission President with any findings. It was probably his pleasure to be part of the ratfink chain of command.

1984? Oh hell yeah.

he call the missionaries in. I can hear the conversation:

Mission President: Elder Doofus, do you have anything you want to tell me...?

ED: (looking nervous, stammering) Uh, Uh,... we handed out 12 Books of Mormon today.

MP: No, about your recent behavior.

ED: Uh, I only lapsed once, I promise I won't play with my little factory again while in the shower.

MP: And what do you think caused those impure thoughts?

ED: Uh, the Adversary?

MP: EXACTLY! And do you know how he gets in your head? You wouldn't happen to have a TV, a radio set on a smooth jazz station, and the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue in your apartment would you????

That's hilarious, scarecrow!

I never thought about it that way- Mormons have TATTLING as an agenda item. Man, is that ever sick!!!

One place where I worked for several years,,I was the only non-mormon in the room. The boss was a TBM in spades. He never looked me in the face when he talked to me and never had a decent word to say to me or about me. I couldn't count the times he hauled me in the office and told me what he had heard about me. When I asked who said it or tried to defend myself,,he said "reliable sources"told him. That type of behavior and the outright lies and favoritism is whay I am so glad to be a non-mormon.

Wow....I had never considered this. I've seen it with my family, though. The big break for me was realizing that I had a right to personal privacy.

In my husband's family, I'm actively working to get the other siblings to stop gossiping back to mom. As soon as they can all trust each other to maintain privacy, she will loose so much power!

They're riddled with informants who don't respect differences or normal boundaries. Instead of open communication, they form factions and the members vie for favor with the dominant parent/parents. Tattling, gossip, and manipulation form the foundation of many mormon families. This is a reflection of the mormon ward culture.

The reason they go around tattling is because they have NO LIFE. The morg restricts all their activity to nothing but church this, church that, and they all need to wear T-shirts that say,

"I can't. I'm Mormon."

So the only thing they have to do that's even remotely interesting, is follow other people around, melding in their affairs.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2011 10:49AM by Cheryl.

I actually used to have a t-shirt that said 'I can't. I'm Mormon.' should have figured out then that I wasn't going to stick with TSCC for very much longer haha.

I always thought Ward Council Meeting should be renamed something like Leader's Gossip Council. All this "tattling" you are talking about by adults, came across to me as "gossip."

I guess it is all the same in the end. Very unhealthy. It got to the point that I almost regretted the day that I would no longer be in a position to attend because I knew that at that point I would be fair game for their gossip/tattle sessions. If you were in the room, they wouldn't talk about you, but anyone else was always fair game.

I read the thread last night and thought I re-relate one of my experiences which was disbelieved at that time.

I had a RP which I actually liked alot. She seemed always good mooded which even in hindsight wasn't plastic. She had a messy house, but with 5 little ones and her job I couldn't fault her. I knew she was embarrassed as she would mumble an apology when we VT's came for our assignments. I offered more than once to help her with cleaning and/or babysitting so she'd get a break. What I liked as well was, she never gossipped about others (at least not in my presence). It all changed one day.

My VT comp, a Chinese lady and I were to visit sister so and so who had a inactive husband and had asked the church for help as her hubby had been laid off.

She asked us to to look for 'contrapands' such as b-control, coffee, tea, tabacco etc, the usual no no's, but what freaked us, to check the bathroom as well--huh? Well b-control etc.

I was stunned during our whole ride. My comp was mad about the b-control hing, as she and hubby had old the bish they can't afford more kids now and it was an issue in China anyway, but he said to follow their religion. I never did like that pompous bish anyway.

Well, we both resignd our VT assignment that day. I reminded her and the bish of my mom's upbringing in Nazi Germany and I refuse to pursue that path. My comp from China looked at him lke 'don't even get me started' LOL!
I'm suprised I didn't end up in the "court-of-love".
I think about that everytime I pass the house of the RP, who lives in my neighborhood.
What a Cult!

They want you poking around and trying to find birth control deices in the bathroom!!

What a cult is right!!

I'm glad you read this. This control thing is just too much! At the time I didn't blame TSCC but the bish's and RSP's action as just being jerks and overstepping their bounderies, but the more I been reading here and about cults in general since my departure is, that it's a 'perectly normal trait of every cult!
I suppose they blamed my leaving for having been offended. Heck yes! AND being lied to!