Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: NoName ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:12PM

I've been on the fence about officially resigning. Mostly, I feel like the satisfaction it would get me would not outweigh the amount of hurt my parents would feel if they found out. They already know I am out of the church and have no further interest, but as you know, this would be kind of different. I haven't been harassed by local members in a few years so it just isn't on my mind. If they come knocking and don't leave me alone though...I won't hesitate to make it official!

But...will family members know? And will it prevent members from knocking on your door?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: darkprincess ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:20PM

It is safe to assume someone will tell your family. When I resigned, at tithing settlement, after I resigned my name would no longer show on a list that they gave my parents with my other siblings. Because of this I told them myself before I resigned.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Makurosu ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:22PM

That happened to me too. My name was there, but my confirmation date was blank on this sheet. I was about 35 at the time. That's how the Church told my parents.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2014 08:23PM by Makurosu.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:21PM

We've heard reports that parents sometimes figure it out from their tithing settlement slip in December. Your name is on it but the dates of your church ordinances are left off. Ward gossip is a possibility as well.

If the local members aren't bothering you, then I think your reason for staying on the rolls is a valid one.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:33PM

They were long deceased by the time I resigned, but it wouldn't have come as a big shock to them as I'd gone inactive in 1971 and married a Catholic in '73.

Ron Burr

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: S Tom Mason ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:37PM

After my wife and I went inactive, members came out of the woodwork to let my in-laws know of our inactivity, after a couple months. My in-laws live in an adjacent ward, aren't well educated, no internet access to the information we have here, and have a very emotional attachment to the church, which resulted in constant prodding and insults.

It's been five years now, and I can honestly say, if our inactivity would have been kept a private matter, our situation may have been temporary and we may have gone back. Instead, by outsiders interjecting themselves into our family, with expressions of phony concern, and my in-laws gullibly playing along, an atmosphere of hostility was created for us, and we'll never go back.

Things have settled down some what with my in-laws, so I'm not likely to resign at this point, so as not to stir the pot. There's no doubt, if I resigned, members would make a b-line to my in-laws to report the situation, which would only upset and distress my elderly in-laws. This may be a bit of a cop-out, but is how I currently feel, and feel it's the right thing at this point.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: capitolmoroni ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:43PM

The whole tithing settlement finding out nonsense...cult! !!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: horsegirl ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 08:58PM

My parents are in their 80's and it would crush them if I resigned. They know I'm not active I married a nevermo we didn't baptize our son ect but I think they still have hope. No one bothers us so I'm waiting, but it will happen as soon as the dreaded day arrives. My TBM brother is going to freak and I'm seriously looking forward to that!!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 09:02PM

I told my mom that I send in my resignation via e-mail. Well my mom told many people and so they hoped to get me back active before the resignation was final in their 60 days waiting period. Somehow they didn't get our first e-mail but they got our second one that we want to resign. Anyway long story short. My mom called her sister all upset about us leaving the church only to find out that her nieces and nephews 2 of her sister kids are also inactive and also quite shocked about church history. For us we got harassed by the members and love bombed we have had many unannounced visits. We still have good memories of growing up in the church I had some very fun young women camps with camp fires and roasted marshmallows.
With facebook, twitter, e-mail my guess is if you resign someone will tell your parents. RS is gossip and EQ not much better. They have meetings about how to activate the inactivates.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 09:22PM

I sent my father a copy of my resignation, plus a reply from a local bishop who said that my upbringing, as described, was not in harmony with the church. My brother co-signed the letter, resigning as well.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: newnamenephi ( )
Date: March 09, 2014 10:03PM

Yes, DW and I told our parents and family. When we decided to pull out of the morg, we went back to Utah and had meetings with both sets of families. It was devastating to my family...but TOTALLY worth it! I'm so glad we don't have to hide our feelings.

Initially, there were some real bumps but it got a lot better after a few months. Religion is off the table when we visit and we're all very amicable...but also very superficial.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: March 10, 2014 12:44AM

My husband and I resigned about 10 years ago (the kids were never baptized). If they found out, they didn't say anything. They never were much for direct confrontations, but certainly my mom would have talked to everyone in the family (except me) and it would have gotten back to me. But nobody has said a word about it. They do know we left the church.

I think it all depends on your bishop. Ours respected our wishes and kept it confidential. My best friend in the ward didn't even know until I told her, and she was in the RS presidency.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: nomoreguilt ( )
Date: March 10, 2014 06:15AM

My mother lives in a different country so no worries there, unless my sister blabs, lol. (I know you are reading this sis!)

she knows we have been inactive for a long long time but still hopes we will make it back one day, even though I have told her I don't believe any of it anymore and would never go back.

I haven't told her we now have officially resigned. She moans about the church and its doctrine but she is in her seventies and is a temple worker. I know she is hurt and disappointed that neither of her children are active, none of the grandchildren will serve missions and that she can't say to people: Oh my daughter is the RS president of her ward or something equally pride worthy.

If it ever comes up in conversation, I might tell her but I won't just phone her up and rub her face in it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 **     **  **     **  **    **  **     **   ******   
  **   **   ***   ***  **   **   **     **  **    **  
   ** **    **** ****  **  **    **     **  **        
    ***     ** *** **  *****     **     **  **   **** 
   ** **    **     **  **  **     **   **   **    **  
  **   **   **     **  **   **     ** **    **    **  
 **     **  **     **  **    **     ***      ******