Posted by:
ScaredAndAlone
(
)
Date: March 16, 2014 08:10PM
Ijust need some help to think rationally. I am so upset and lost. I got sick and had some surgeries about six months ago. I wrote a letter to the bishop and explained my illness and my extreme social anxiety. I have had my daughter go down for a few months and get some help (JUST utilities and a few food orders). I have scraped money for rent, etc. from child support. I had a good job, but got let go to due to my illness. I am single and scared and my anxiety has gone through the roof with all this.
Being home, I have realized that I feel calmer and the time it takes to get ready aggravates my illness. I have sat here for six months trying to get better (emotionally and physically). Not ONE person has checked on me or made sure I was o.k. It has made me more panic stricken and depressed (as I realize no one cares in this ward). I realize I have only lived here a year and a half, but that is ample time to get to know me). There was even a sign up sheet to bring me meals when I had surgery and two out of the four times, I didn't get the meal that was supposed to be brought.
I am not asking for a handout, but I TRULY am out out of money. My daughter kindly went down to ask today for some help (mind you, it has only been utilities and some food). He then stated that if I ever need help again,I need to come personally and I have to attend church. I am torn because I have extreme panic attacks and have sunk really low this year (especially if wondering if the church is true or not). The fear of not being able to keep a roof over my head is making me ill. I have documented proof from doctors (and obviously medicines I am trying out), that I am ill.
So, he tells her he hasn't noticed me therein a long time. She has told him, if she goes, it is sitting on the couch due to her anxiety or the back row. He said, 'yeah, I don't always see those areas'. Sooo, yeah.
Basically to make a long story, longer..:P, I am scared. I don't know if any of you have suffered anxiety, but when you are forced to do something, it becomes worse. I feel like I am in a nightmare. I have gone to church since birth, I have paid tithing and fast offerings for years. Yes, I have gotten some help this year, but nowhere near what I have put into it. Being on here and noticing all the money that goes into temples. lawyers, land, buildings, etc. has made me want to vomit today.
What do I do until I get better? How do I stop the anxiety and get back to work when the medicines aren't working? How can I go to church when it severely depresses me to sit alone and feel like the anxiety ridden single mother outcast? I know deep down I am strong and brave, but my anxiety has hit an all time high in my life. I am so scared that he will not help me next time, and that I will lose everything. I am in the heart of Utah also, where there should be plenty of money, no? Maybe not. I am scared and now I am having a panic attack worrying about next month. I know there is nothing I can do right now, but my anxiety won't shut up.
Please help with comfort or wisdom. I am so scared. I want to be known for being a good person and striving to get out of this illness. I didn't know until now there is a payoff to go to church in order to get help. I do watch spiritual things and want to be involved in life, but right now,I simply can't get my mind to do anything.
Help.