Anon Nonny's post got me thinking...

Now that you no longer identify with Mormonism: Has your taste in men or women changed? Has the way you carry yourself changed?

Mine definitely has. I used to want squeaky clean, picture perfect, Peter Priesthood. I wanted a guy that was safe, neutered, somewhat sexless, obedient and steadfast in following, willing to sacrifice. All smiles, combed hair and sparkling teeth. The RM cloned look, all the way. Safe and predictable. Someone I didn't have to worry would step outside the lines of his life.

Now I am far more attracted to a man's attitude, the inside of him showing through. Opinionated. Strong. Masculine. Sexual. Confident and unwilling to be controlled. A little dirty. Messy hair, or bald. Facial hair. Smart. Prideful. Deep thinking. Questioning. Challenging. None of these attributes in a subversive to women way, just in a owning of himself, unwilling to compromise himself way.

As a woman, I tried to be passive, sweet, calm, pink and perfect. I got a boob job to look my part. I wanted to be the perfect trophy Mormon wife. Look like I stepped out of a magazine. Now I am lusty and opinionated and unpredictable and passionate. My hair is far less smooth and my clothing looser, but somehow more sensual in a less desperate way. I'm freer, happier, sillier, more filled with life and living. I'm strangely no longer afraid of men...but enjoy them, immensely. Both my husband, and my male friends. I just love them! But I can spot a jerk from a mile away. (And usually they are just the men I once was attracted to.)

Everything about my tastes have changed and become liberated. How about yours?

I remember being in high school and thinking that seeing a garment top under a white shirt was nice, but I was not into the RM look. I could always tell the Utah Mishies before they even opened their mouths, because of how they parted their hair--not in the middle, not on the side, but somewhere undescribable right in between. I felt like I was supposed to be attracted to the RM look, but I wasn't. I was attracted to the guys who smoked cloves in the smoking circle with their black dyed hair and eyeliner, who listened to The Cure. But I dressed in what I had, which was my MollyMo clothes. We had very little money my clothes had to do double duty for school and church functions. But I was allowed to show my shoulders then, and I would. I listened to The Cure, too. Sometimes I hung out in the smoking circle so I could talk about music, but my sister or some other MollyMo would usually spot me and call me out on it, or gossip about me. I didn't even smoke. There was apparently something wrong with me being associated with those people. Not that it really mattered--I could only talk about music with them, and they had politics and other social issues to talk about. But I never could get attracted to that RM look. So I dated artists and musicians, of average attractiveness. I had a bf who had a retro-50's thing going on, pompadour and all! He didn't have a handsome face, he was tall and thin, and very engaging personality. But finally I found someone with a good mixture of funny/geeky/cool/romantic/handsome who dresses kinda casual, kinda retro. He used to wear glasses when we dated, but he ditched them. He has very nice eyes and is the first of "average build" after all the tall guys I dated before. My parents first impression was he was "easy on the eye!" haha, whatever that means. I'm super attracted to him, everything about him. His personality alone would do it, and how well he treats me, but I think he gets more physically attractive every day, too. He looks the most like a Mo, yet he is not a Mo. Outside of that...there is no outside of that for me.

The men I find attractive usually turn out to be gay, just like when I was TBM.

Definitely.

I used to be attracted to men who were, well, Mormon: guys with callings and recommends. White-shirt-and-tie guys. I even passed up relationships with awesome men (with whom I would have been very happy) because they weren't Mormon. I wanted somebody who didn't have any sexual addictions or major psychiatric problems and who didn't live in his vehicle or have extra wives stashed somewhere. Other than that, I wasn't picky.

Unfortunately, by the time my abusive marriage exploded, I was too old to consider dating or relationships. But, if I somehow became younger, I'd want an intelligent, well-educated, articulate guy with a bit of an impulsive streak and a wild imagination -- but responsible enough to have a decent career. Kindess, personal integrity, and generosity would be high on the list, as would a good sense of humor and ability to empathize with others. Passionate and sensual, too (and well-equipped). If I could find somebody with common interests and friendly to my spirituality, that would be icing on the cake.

Sadly, I'll never get the chance again, but if I could, that's what it would now be.

BirdUncaged, thanks for your post.

Loved how well you described your feelings and much of what you voiced relates to how I now am able to see life. I too feel "freer, happier, sillier, more filled with life and living".

And, I love it! Am so thrilled to have found it! And highly recommend it!

I do look at men differently than in my cult days. I look at everything differently for that matter.

And my only regret is that I did not come to my conclusions much, much earlier in my life. Oh well, I only allow myself to pause on this for a very brief moment, letting me be reminded how lucky I am to now be where I am.

I wanted a smart, intellectual, goofy, sexy, bold, personable, opinionated woman when I was TBM. I want the same thing now and I still have her.

I have to leave fairly soon to pick up someone...

...but I want everyone who has posted to know that I think your posts are all BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you--ALL of you!!!--for brightening my day.

:)

morgana,

Ha! The bit about the hair parting made me laugh. When I was still in my Mo days, I was just like that with the artist and musicians and the group the you weren't suppose to hang out with for some shallow reason.

To answer the original post, YES, My taste has changed completely. The guys I was, often made myself, attracted to had to at least look MO or non threatening enough to be converted to appease expectations. Now, I'm almost frighten when dating because I actually get to decide what I'm looking for. The full picture hasn't set in yet, but I know its not what it was before.

I dated a few of them. I worked at a place where there were a lot of nonmormons. I dated several of them in my 20s. It really did "ruin" me for ever wanting a mormon guy. I never got over how much more fun they were and more masculine. I love the bad boys. Always will. I did marry someone gay. And now I'm with the over the top masculine guy I dated at age 20 (I'm 56).

Yup. I won't go into all of the ways my attractions have changed, but as an example... I never would have dated a guy with a tatt. Now, I love to look at them and especially to hear the story behind each one.

Mormon men have always faded into the background of grey and black and white of suites and ties. I dont like a guy I have to kick in the ankiles to get him to yelp so I can tell him from all the rest even when they know they need to speak so I know who they are.

Freaks geeks and outcasts like myself are my thing. I like a guy I can speak with and have a descussion with rather than one that wants me to keep up with the joanses and try to get me to look more like every other woman.

I've been afraid of many of the things that make women who they are for a long time i'm not so afraid now but that dosent mean I ant to look like every other woman.

I want a man that will accept who I am and not try to change me because i've felt more free now than I ever have and I dont want to give up that freedom.

This conversation sounds like the snippets that carry from small groups of "Girls Night At The Pub" I occasionally am sat next to when I go to read with a few microbrews. Carry on, ladies.

Howdy BirdUncaged,

Became far less likely to pass judgment, so more open to all people.

Hey Z. :)

I am attracted to a world of truth and light; beauty and equality; greatness and simplicity.

I am attracted by beautiful people... it is just that what is highly sought after or beautiful has grown and changed since then.

W/o more manism I am the man that I am/ have always been- not covering everything up and concealing the best parts, besides my eyes, and heart, my smile (warped at the time through lds-goggles), my legs, facial hair, attitude, impressions.

Yes, I am now attracted to a real goddess of a woman, rich in vitality, with super deep and amazing powers and pleasures... that flys in her own world, makes and grows it herself and likes her coffee/tea, wine, wheatgrass, fresh milk or juice, spring water or whatever it is for her desire. One that creates/ writes/ reads the works and worlds of artists, authors, sages, superwomyn. A woman who is vivacious and funny (that doesn't need a temple recommend pass).

I'm smiling reading all of these! Thank you for sharing. :) Life is so much fuller, freer, open, inviting, interesting...and so are people...when living outside the cage of Mormonism. Aw! To just be who we are and love who we love, without conditions on who and how that "should" be.

I find all of you here so interesting. I'm so grateful to be alive! To have my mind free, even if my body isn't totally! To think and feel and experience and discover. I'm turned on by people who are doing that too. THAT to me is attractive. The bravery to escape the bonds that were wrapped around all of our souls, but it turns out that "they" couldn't break us. We are the strong ones. And I think we are all sexy as hell for that.

I am still extremely attracted to mormon girls, but I could never be with one again.