So I am a little newish here... but I really enjoy the views, opinions, and experiences that you guys share on here. Maybe hopefully ya'll can give me a little bit of advice on my current situation.

I am married civilly to my TBM husband and we have two great kiddos together. When we got married, I was still trying very hard to be a good little TBM wife. I really was trying...not just for him. He knew that I was not ready to be sealed in the temple and married me with the hopes that someday I would be.

Well...I decided a few months ago that that day will never come because I was tired of trying. I was tired of going to keep the peace. I couldn't stomach it or believe anymore. He is out on deployment right now so it is easy to just not go and brush over the "what did you do today?" Sunday conversation.

My question is how do I go about explaining this to him? More importantly, how do I explain that not only do I never want to participate, I don't want our children to either? Help!

Holy SHit!

I hope someone has some advice for you, because I sure don't. What an awful situation! Poor you and hubby.

I wouldn't say anything while he was deployed.

But a few days after he came home I'd say, "I have something I want you to read."

Then hand him a letter enumerating all the wonderful things you can think of about him, your children, your life, etc.

Then, say, as gently as you can "But I have to tell you that to maintain my integrity I cannot continue . . . blah blah blah."

Tell him you will answer whatever questions he has, you'll explain as much as he wants you to, but you are quite sure that you cannot accept the supposed truth of the church and you don't want to go on pretending.

At that point, it will be up to him to decide how he wants to proceed.

JMHO

Just be honest. It's the best way in the long run, no matter how hard.

If you were hiding stuff to make your own life easier at the expense of someone else, I'd say buck up and tell the truth.

But if you hide stuff to make someone else's life better, rather than your own, that is more noble.

I imagine that being deployed is a huge stressor. And adding to that stress wouldn't be wise, so hiding unnecessary information to make sure that his life is less stressful, is a bit more noble.

It seems that the best time for such discussions would be when he returns.

I hid my true feelings from my wife for several years, mostly to protect her but also because I didn't want to lose her. We had many, many talks in the days and weeks after I let her know what I really felt. It's been a few months and we're still not on 100% solid ground.

My advice would be to wait and tell him when he's home. I can't imagine putting my wife through what I did when I told her I wasn't going to go to church anymore if she also had to deal with the stress of being deployed.

Make it easy on yourself and stop going.

But don't bother telling him during deployment, that would be too hard on him.

He married you in a civil ceremony and he knew he was taking a chance.

Besides, even hardcore TBMs grow and change during marriage. Who doesn't?

So you changed your mind about the morg,he'll have to live with it when he gets home.

There are worse things in life, such as a wife cheating while her husband is away.

I want you to remember one thing. Post deployment can sometimes be harder than combat ops. You need to keep in mind how many times he has deployed, how he is taking the deployment, and how post deployment (reconstitution and the decompression peroid) might be. It might be easier to talk a little about here here and there.. Drop a hint, see how he is taking it, move forward...Only if he is adjusted well to the deployed life style.

Only you know him..we can just give blind advice on how we see things.

-Silhouette (Air Force...deployed 6 times since 2002 and have engaged in combat)

I am assuming your "kiddos" are young ones.

Consider the additional complications if he comes home and discovers that not only are you on your way out, but that your kids have been effectively inactive for XX months, or whatever. He may feel that you have unfairly disengaged your kids without consulting him and depending on his TBM-ness he could freak about that.

Just worrying about an unwitting land mine for you.

The temple sealing is only a witness to the actuality that may come to pass as the result of LOVE. Either love does the job or the eternal relationship is meaningless.

Simply tell him you are not comfortable with the temple ordinances and that you feel the love you share has already bound you for eternity. If it just has to be so for him, tell him he can get it done after you die or the kids can after you are both dead.

Good advice here. Keep in mind that depending on how TBM he is, holding on to his belief in the church may be one of the main things that keeps him going while he is deployed. I wouldn't take that from him right now. Also I wouldn't recommend dropping a bomb on him when he gets home. But ease into it and definitely focus on love and valuing your own integrity. The church teaches honesty and integrity and if you hold to that and emphasize that it is because of your own conscience that you cannot continue, hopefully he will see that. But he may as a previous poster put it "freak out". Just give him time though but also stay true to yourself.

military. This is much bigger than just the church. Ask, and research how he will feel when he gets home regardless of this rather big decision.

You should stay out of church if you want to. Don't go just to appease him, but research more than this site as to the best way to tell him. I'd guess that telling him before he comes home would be better, but the experts would know better.