This from a guy named Larry R. Lawrence. Did his folks actually name him Lawrence Lawrence? I bet they dressed him funny, too. No wonder he hates sleepovers.
My old mission president! His wife was the source of most of what he spouts. She is a fanatical TBM, she advised us missionaries to never donate our organs because God would punish us at the Resurrection.
Did you serve in Novosibirsk mission? You speak Russian then :) He has been the Europe East Area President (I heard the new one (Potter) will replace him in a week.) From what I heard from many people, his wife is still that fanatic crazy woman you used to know. They have been travelling all over the Area teaching the missionaries stupid BS (she read a lot, and she thinks she knows everything about the mormon doctrine, and some of them are just crazy ideas, so I think it was pretty funny that the Area president's wife taught all these stupid BS from the old books written by mormon leaders who died many years ago).
because I would be exposed to things that she did not permit, like STAYING UP AS LATE AS WE WANTED ON THE WEEKEND! How dreadful! How abhorrent! She knew it would be thrown in her face later - "Why do I have to go to bed earlier than everybody else I know???"
As young teens, we played with hair and makeup and at one rich girl's house, we got to go SWIMMING by moonlight at one in the morning! Unforgettable. Had my mother known, she wouldn't have let me go. It took two weeks of serious begging, pleading, threats of not doing my schoolwork. She didn't give in until the day of the sleepover. She said "YOU will be the only one there without a birthday card or present, because you don't have any money! And you will feel SO ASHAMED!" My dad came home with a sleeping bag (I didn't have one) that evening (Mother tried to get me to imagine how horrible I would feel, being THE ONLY ONE without a sleeping bag!) My grandmother slipped me $10 so I could walk to the local five and dime and get a token gift and card.
Heaven forbid that kids be exposed to something their parents don't approve of!
My DD always had a sleep over party for her birthday. Some of her Mormon friends had to be picked up at ten, but then they would come back the next morning for breakfast. It was pretty silly and they always felt left out from the fun.
Another example of Mormonism sucking all the fun out of life.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/29/2014 08:18PM by caedmon.
My husband's parents did not allow sleepovers. I told him it was a directive from the church. He did not believe me. To this day, he throws a fit when my kids sleep over at others houses.
I remember years ago when I moved into a very TBM neighborhood. A neighbor brought me cookies and one of the first things she said to me was, "Just so you know, the kids in this neighborhood aren't allowed to have sleepovers, just in case your kids were thinking of inviting someone over." Um...ok.
i had to chime in on this one because I really believe I have lived both side of this debate.
i have a son born in 1987 and a daughter in 1991 with whom I would allow sleepovers.I would always meet the parents and be sure they would be supervising them.I enjoyed have there friends in our home and would allow them to be typical teenagers with stay up all night parties and moonlight swimming.
But a few of many things that occurred with these sleepovers was my son at 15 had his first sexual encounter,his first love and then months down the road she became pregnant then took off and has never allowed my son to be in the child's life, which haunts him today a great deal.Oh and it was the sister of the friend he was spending the night with and parents were there.That was just one of many things that happened under the impression, from parents that the youth would be supervised.
Then with my daughter her first intro to drugs was at a sleepover and was introduced not by the friend but the parent.All of these parents seemed respectable and responsible.
See there are a lot of parents out there that think it is fine for there teenagers to drink, to smoke pot, to have sex and these two children of mine got to way to much freedom from these sleepovers.
Teenagers need to be monitor, they are a raging bag of hormones and while I am not saying that you lock them up. You teach them how to be responsible and then to have someone come along in those formative years of peer pressure and a parent none the less well all you have tried to instill can some times just go out the window. I am not saying that sleepovers in and of there selves caused the difficulties these two faced. My son had a battle overcoming a drug problem. My daughter became pregnant at 16. They are amazing adults now but the road has been hard. But these things did play a factor among others.
Now to the other side of this coin, In 1998 I was blessed with a pleasant surprise of a turning 40 baby.Though my experience with my older children and learning from those things I have been a very different parent with her. I was still allowing her to sleepover at certain friends house but it was only after getting to know the parents what i thought was "really" well and then it was just two friends that i felt comfortable enough with to allow this. Then the one household that I had trusted the most to let her go to,i had known them for many years, dad was a fireman, mom was a nurse. Then moms brother comes to visit from another state and my daughter and some other 15 year old girls were spending the night because it was the friends birthday. And what happens, this man in his late 20s has sex with one of the 15 year old girls.Before even finding out about it he is rushed out of state. Then I find out about it from my daughter.So yes my sixteen year old daughter is not allowed to spend the night anywhere!!!!
But you know the funny thing in all this is that in my being a much sticker parent with her she is being able to really enjoy her childhood, loves school, involved in many school activity's. And yes I have been a much sticker parent with her but she has been exposed to far less of the negative things than my other two.
And funny thing my older two will honestly tell me that they wish I had been that strict with them in the way I am with her. They need guidance, they need limitations, they need us to help them move though the turbulent teen years without making life changing mistake.And as well as you may think you know the other parents your child is spending the night with well don't be to sure of that, not in today's times.
My neverMo husband hates the idea of sleepovers because he, at 12, tried cigarettes and alcohol at them. My kids think I am too strict but I have only allowed them to sleepover with a handful of kids because I worry about something happening. Judging from how many go home at 11 from slumber parties, many nonLDS neighbors feel similarly.
The funny thing is because these parents have such a tight hold on their kids they end up rebelling. Instead of spending time telling kids what not to do try spending time talking to them and modeling good behaviors.
My kids have always done sleepovers, although they never want to go to anyone else's house, all the kids always want to come here. I am totally okay with video games and staying up all night playing video games. I'm not a stickler about not having junk food and in our house kids are allowed to me kids. This was the case even when we were TBM. I had a strict control freak mom who didn't really give a crap about me, she cared about the appearance of being good, so I rebelled like hell but looked the part of a good girl. I'd rather have my kids look the part of rebel and be amazing human beings.
The church is all about appearance and not about substance.
A lot would depend on the personality of the child but,as a general rule,policing kids constantly usually has the opposite effect.
Well meaning parents often unwittingly bring about the very things they fear by their extreme actions. So do extreme religions.
Our three kids always had a lot of freedom, simply because we figured they inherited our common sense. They also were able to freely discuss anything with us, which gave us a pretty good idea what was up.
None of our kids turned into addicts or criminals. They are are all professionals with good marriages.
Too many girls being raped by the men/boys in the house. The church gets sued. They don't like it.
It happened in my family.
The 18 yo male raped at least 9 girls under 12 yo. No punishment, just swept under the carpet. First thing the church wants to know is if you're going to sue.
I heard probably hundreds of stories on here about mormons raping other mormons, and so many times people complain that nothing was done about it, yet it turns out the police weren't even told about it in the first place. If the police haven't been told yet, please call them. Those poor innocent mormon girls didn't deserve that.
We don't allow our girls to sleep over. I don't think we're control freaks. It's just reality of the world we live in. Frankly, we just don't trust people we don't know, and have regretted trusting people we thought we could. For example, a few years ago one of our girls went to a birthday party during the afternoon. When we got home she told us that the mom had gotten some scary movies since it was near Halloween. I forget the whole lineup, but one of them was The Exorcist! These girls were 13 at the time. What mother brings home The Exorcist for 13 year olds?
I remember a party when I was a teen. A girl went into some guy's little brother's room and basically molested him for 10 or 20 minutes. Everyone thought it was funny. Years later it turned out the kid was gay, not because of the episode, but wasn't the woohoo you're so lucky event that all the kids thought it was. By the way, if the molester had been a boy and the victim a girl, there's a strong chance he would've been in serious trouble. People are horrible, especially teens.
By the way, it's not just Mormons that recommend no sleepovers. The Focus on the Family group recommends no too. If I remember right, their theory is why tempt fate anyway? Don't put your kids in to circumstances in which they may be victimized.
We do not allow our children to do sleepovers for a few different reasons. 1) My friend the family therapist has had many, many people in his office, usually women, who have been molested or raped while staying the night at a friend's house. Father's, brother's, brother's friends. Just b/c a kid has good parents doesn't mean that everyone in the house is on the upandup. 2) I saw some stuff go down at sleepovers when I was a teenager. My best friend's father was an alcoholic and it got unpleasant. 3) As a teenager I used sleepovers to circumvent my parents' rules. WWatever the rule is, no concerts, no boys over late at night, no alcohol, it doesn't matter, you can always find someone whose mom or dad will allow it and just stay at their house.
I don't think no sleepovers is just a TBM thing. And, there are many fun activities children and teens can do other than sleepovers. It's not like they have to do that anyway.
I see this as an issue that parents should decide based on the circumstances. Obviously you need to know your child and know the people who are hosting the sleepover.You should talk to kids about what to do if they feel uncomfortable, see that they have a phone to call you if necessary and you should make sure that the party is properly chaperoned.There is nothing wrong with the church advising people to use caution, but one size doesnt fit all.Kids can get raped,drink, use drugs etc plenty of other places too and most sleepovers are okay.I sometimes stayed with a friend when her parents were gone because she was nervous about staying alone. We were both good kids and never got into trouble,had boys over, got drunk or whatever. I wouldnt advise that for all kids,but it worked for us.
I agree with Bona Dea. Not every sleepover is a recipe for disaster. I had sleepovers often as a child/teen and we always had good clean fun. None of us kids or the adults chaperoning us had any wayward ideas.
My DW (A uber TBM) hates sleepovers. Even though she tells stories from her sleep overs she had as a kid. I don't understand it. I loved them as a kid, and I think its sad that my kids miss out on it.
I loved them as a teen as well, and had a great time staying up late and giggling with my girlfriends. But times have changed. I fully understand why parents forbid them now.
What do you think of this annual LDS teen sleepover in the church building?
As recently as the early 1990's and in at least one stake I know of, an annual YW/YM event, a church "lock-in." An overnight sleepover mingling YM & YW. It was well-chaperoned and nothing naughty happened, but boy-girl feelings were stirred which was probably by design of the activity coordinators. Encouraging the boys & girls to become enamored with each other, increasing likelihood the kids would date & marry LDS. This was in So California.
I Would never let my kids sleep over at another person's house.
Yes, on molestation possibility--How well do I really know the parents of my kid's friend from school, anyway? How well do I know ANYONE who isn't actually living in my house?
How about guns/other physical dangers? Am I willing to ask the hosts that question before dropping my kid off? If I got a "yes" would I still allow my kid to go?
These are CHILDREN who do not have the capacity to protect themselves being dropped of for many hours in an atmosphere that may or may not be completely safe.
No way. And it has nothing to do with control by TSCC or any other entity. It's about my responsibility to my offspring.
It's sort of odd for a church to enter a ruling on sleepovers. OTOH, times have changed and the world is less safe for kids. Sleepovers are perfect places for molesters to do their thing. Parents need to be wise and have their guard up.
I might not have learned about the joys of masterbation, if it hadn't been for my buddy and a sleep over in a motel while we were on a fishing trip. And I learned about myself from him. What a great memory!
I was grateful to be able to have sleepovers as a kid, mostly because there were lots of things I was allowed to do at my friend's house or my cousin's house that I could not do in my house. While my best friend's parents and my cousin's parents were Mormons, they were less fanatical in their observance of Mormonism than my parents are. (If Lois Wilkerson from Malcolm in the Middle were a fanatical Mormon, she would be my mother.) So, I'm really grateful to friend's family and my cousin's family for providing an island of sanity for me.
That being said, I am not sure that I would allow it if I were a parent and here is why. Some of the friends of my sisters were being regularly molested by their father. Nobody knew it. My sister's friends' parents were good friends of my parents. They went to college together. My sisters slept over in that house. That seriously creeps me out. Thank heavens, nothing ever happened to them. Eventually, he tried to molest one of his daughter's friends. She turned him in and his daughters did testify against him. He was sentenced by the judge to 10 years in the Arizona state penitentiary despite a guilty plea.
How well do you really know another person? How well do you know the parents of your kid's friend? The family I wrote about seemed to be a pretty normal family. Their kids were pretty well behaved. However, under the surface, it was a different story entirely.