Talking on the phone to my mom today and she started going on about the last days, how the destruction before Christ comes again would start in Salt Lake City because they don't live the church's teachings out there and how those who don't really have a testimony would get weeded out of the church. She even talked about the big missionary push that is a sign of the last days. I started to give her my opinion about what she'd said and all of a sudden she said "I've got to go - I promised your dad I'd call him before I went to pick up _____ (her granddaughter)." I was super frustrated because I'd had to listen to her bat-sh$t crazy ideas but she cut me off before I could even comment on what she said. When I mentioned it to my teenage daughter (who is very involved with a local non-denominational church now and who has been brave enough to discuss religion with her very opinionated grandma) and my daughter said "Yeah, I know, it's frustrating. She does that to me all the time. Tells me her opinion then cuts me off before I can explain mine - even when I agree with her."

I realized my mom has done this before - cut me off either literally (by having to leave for an appointment, let the dog in, get in the shower) or by just talking over me, trying to drown out my sentence with her next thought or her rebuttal. Or both - if I don't let her talk over the top of me, she suddenly has to go to the bathroom. She isn't just not listening but waiting for me to stop talking so she can rebut what I said - it's worse. Her rebuttal starts before I get out three words. If I don't let her get away with that, she suddenly has to hang up. It's hit me with her religion and run before an actual discussion starts.

Anyone else see this phenomenon in their Mormons?

It's exactly the same way with my TBM friend. Exactly. She'll even run off at the mouth, talking over me, when I wasn't even going to say anything about the Church, but she just thought I might be.

Yes, I've seen this behavior with Mormons but it was years ago. When I was a kid, I'd occasionally run into Mormons when my mom enrolled me in a city rec class--art, dance, whatever. I had little contact with Mormon kids otherwise because our neighborhood had very few Mormons, and also I went to a Catholic school.

Without exception, the few times I did run into Mormon kids in these classes, they'd ask what religion I was (or maybe what school I went to) and start shilling for Mormonism. I would respond innocently, genuinely not trying to be rude, with something like, "Thank you, but I enjoy being Catholic," Or "Well, I think my religion is good too."

I wouldn't say those were exactly inflammatory remarks, but you'd have thought I'd cursed at the Mormon kids. They would just turn their backs on me and walk away. End of discussion.

I am sure the only reason I remember these very brief, trivial incidents years later is that nothing similar ever happened with kids of any other religion I met. It's not like the Hindu, Buddhist, or Protestant kids tried to convert me. Nor did they care (if religion did happen to come up in conversation) that my family's beliefs differed from theirs.

Fortunately, the adult TBM friends I have now don't do this, although one of them is hyper-sensitive about any perceived (and I emphasize "perceived") criticism of Mormonism from anyone. Even she will try to have a discussion, though, rather than talking over people or cutting them off.

I hang up the phone. A conversation is two ways, a lecture is one way and I don't need to be lectured.

She does something similar to my nevermo dad. He's an attorney so he speaks very methodically - not slowly but like he's presenting his idea in a logical, clear fashion. She cuts him off all the time because she says she knows what he's going to say long before he finishes his sentence. Because her mind is so quick, she believes. But it's actually really rude and my dad isn't really that slow a speaker. It wouldn't kill her to actually LISTEN while he finishes, rather than interrupt or spend the time tuned out, planning an answer.

It used to make me crazy as a kid because she'd always be doing something else while "listening" to me. She could never just put down what she was doing and really pay attention because I don't think she really cares much about the other person in the conversation. "You shouldn't feel that way" should be her motto because what people actually feel doesn't make much sense to her - at least conversationally. Nowadays though, she uses these same things to make sure we hear her point about Mormonism and drown out anything we are thinking and feeling. That's why I wondered, with her history, if it was common or just my mom.

The next time she starts the "end times" rave, say, "Gotta go, Mom. The UPS man is here!"

I've actually stepped out and rung my OWN doorbell to make it more convincing.

I feel for you, CA Girl.

Yeah, that's what I should do. I think she's worse lately because she realizes how much my daughter is involved with her new church and is feeling threatened. We aren't just inactive and going to get over it someday and come back to church. We are actively leaving Mormonism behind, my son really isn't going on a mission etc. I need to just ring my own doorbell.

I have noticed this behavior more and more, amongst all sorts of people. I guess they feel good blurting out whatever it was that was on their mind, and they are done. It's unfortunate, as it accomplishes little but annoyance. Perhaps many folks are now ill-equipped to handle an even handed conversation and just "hit and run" instead?

LongTimeListener Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have noticed this behavior more and more,
> amongst all sorts of people. I guess they feel
> good blurting out whatever it was that was on
> their mind, and they are done. It's unfortunate,
> as it accomplishes little but annoyance. Perhaps
> many folks are now ill-equipped to handle an even
> handed conversation and just "hit and run"
> instead?


Yes. It's typical of people who need a listener and are not good listeners themselves when they are immersed in a problem, for instance.

When an old friend called me, we were catching up on what had happened in our lives since the last time we'd talked. She asked if I still went to church and I told her no, that I don't believe in the church anymore. Her first question was, "Did you read anti Mormon books?" as though that is the only logical reason to leave (well, that and sinning). And just to be a smart ass because the question rankled me, I replied, "Well, yeah, if you consider the Book of Mormon to be anti Mormon." Then all of a sudden she said she had to go. So, not exactly your example of a hit and run, but it has been my experience Mormons really don't want to discuss anything wrong with their religion.

About your mother, though, if she does that a lot, it seems she's not interested in hearing about what is going on in your life nor your daughter's life. Would a break from taking her calls be in order? And I agree with the above suggestion: cut her off when she starts her spiel saying, "Oh, wow, gotta go Mom. Forgot to wash my hair." If a conversation can't be a two-way, what is the point?

I'd email her and tell her it happens every time you speak, it feels contrived, it hurts your feelings, and you'd prefer to have her take the time to make a call when she actually has time to speak to you. It might make her think twice about it if she does it again. She might think she has you fooled and you calling her out on it would be great.

I've noticed this especially with Mormons and I've called them "askholes," because no matter how good advice or input you give them -- you're not a Mormon -- so your thoughts and suggestions are meaningless no matter how sound they are. No matter how right you've been in the past, it means nothing.

My advice is to just cut the bullshit with them and not have meaningful engagements. Being this is your mother, bring up the topic again and throw some truth right back at her.

I don't think it's just a Mormon thing; my MIL used to do this to me - and she was nevermo.

OOPS.. posted in wrong thread. Deleted.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/10/2014 03:22PM by SusieQ#1.

I notice this with my younger nevermo sister.
She'll call and blather on and on about her husband's extended family and I can hardly get a word in. I know who his brother and sisters are, beyond that, I have no clue. And I have gotten to the point over the last 30 years, that I don't care.
Once she has finished blathering, she might listen to me a bit, but generally says "oh, well, I have to go." She can be cold as a fish at times, and I am so sick of it. The only reason I maintain much contact with her is that our dad is still living.
Once, years ago, she was going on about her husbands family, I was so bored with the conversation my nipples were about to slide off. She'd talked for way too long. So to prevent any nipple slippage, I rapped on the door and made the dog bark.
"Oh!" I said, "Someone's at the door, I have to go!" and hung up. And then I laughed wickedly. But my nipples remained intact!

Other Susan

Mormons have nothing but hope... and a bunch of gibberish. I could care less than associate with people who pipe a lot of hot air along with their belief in smoke and mirrors. Are any Mormons grounded or just lofty?
I change the conversation, deepen it or leave the area.

I think it seems more prevalent among the Mormon Cult, and I think the reason for this is because they, you know, are "called" to be mishies. "Every Mormon a missionary." Plus, they are God's chosen, or did you forget???, and it is, in too many peoples' eyes, their way or the highway.

So, how does this all play out? Well, as a exmormon compared to a TBM, my opinion HAS to be biased, slanted, and, most often, just plain wrong. I do not deserve to be listened to as someone who has taken off their garmies and left the one true church.

Recent example:

I was talking with a family member via-email. I was called out because I was not supporting a family function. To give some background, I had shared prior to this, with all family members, why I felt like I did, how I had attempted many, many times and different ways, counselor included, to make headway on the situation, and ended my saying I was very frustrated and "frankly, did not give a damn anymore."

So, this family member, a priesthoodholder, called me out for my not being able to forgive and forget and for SWEARING.

This soon brought the "so-called conversation" to a closure, a hit and run, because I told the person, 1) that he had never bothered before chatting with me and hearing what I felt about the situation and was entirely going on the other person's words 2) how dare he police me on swearing. I was a grown person who could use any word of my choice and he had the right to ignore it or not. Was he in the Gestapo or what?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/10/2014 03:09PM by presleynfactsrock.

My mom always adds a paragraph at the end of any card she sends. "I am so thankful for the gospel. God's love brings me true happiness. Blah blah."

I thinks she hopes it will inspire me. Quite the opposite. The further I get from the church the more cultish the phrases she use seem.

sizterh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My mom always adds a paragraph at the end of any
> card she sends. "I am so thankful for the gospel.
> God's love brings me true happiness. Blah blah."
>


I have gotten those comments at the end of a card proclaiming their love of the gospel and their love of me and how much heavenly father loves me, or something along those lines.

I just chuckle!

Wow is it still the end times? It was the end times back when I
was a kid during the Eisenhower administration.

The drive-by TBM posters do it here, too!