Narcissists are only concerned about themselves, therefore when you talk to them, they don't listen. Narcissists never talk TO the other person, they always talk AT the other person. If you are talking and the other person's eyes are blinking rapidly that means they are a narcissist who is impatiently wanting to talk about themselves. If you ask them what YOU just said they will likely not be able to respond. Heed the warnings signs, then run like hell.

The smart narcissists will draw u in first then whittle away at your self confidence then when you're down trap u in their crazy world. Listen to ur gut...I wish I had all those times!!

^^^ Correct. A person's gut reaction is usually correct. Never ignore your gut or the red flags that jump out at you.

During this honeymoon period the psychopath put on a very desirable front. He was helpful, attentive, respectful, flattering, generous, romantic and nice. He made promises that sounded great. He pledged commitment, fidelity, loyalty and everlasting love. He looked into your eyes and told you he doesn’t need any other partners. You were the person he looked for all his life. Let’s face it: cheesy lines sound very truthful and romantic when they play on the chords of the tune you want to hear.

The activity, the conversation, transportation and finances of a date. And gets upset when things don't go according to plan.

Then there's intimacy. That's a thread in itself!

Intimacy with a narcicist... Now there's an oxymoron! Lol

Unless said narcissist is masturbating

In my own experience, my ex was dashing, romantic, fun and flattering. He didn't start acting like the narcissist that he was until after we were married. It was so confusing; I couldn't understand for years what had happened to the wonderful guy I married. It was like he had an evil twin who appeared, instead.

In a book I read about abusive relationships, apparently one lady had the guts to confront her abuser and ask why he changed so radically after they married. He replied, "If you had known what I was really like, you wouldn't have married me." (In retrospect, I have a little trouble believing that a real narcissist would be this honest, but that's what the book said.)

I've heard so many people say, "He CHANGED so much after we got married!" No, he didn't. He just hid his real self until you tied the knot.

That is pretty creepy.. Like, serial killer creepy... "If you had known what i was really like, you wouldnt have married me"
After hearing that lovely line I would have assumed it was a great time to get the hell outta dodge!! Asap! (Not saying im judging her if she stayed though. Sometimes if the abuser feels like killing you if you want to leave, its a safer option to stay put for a lil bit im thinking...)

Had that happen with my stepfather. He was so nice while my mom was dating him. Right after they married, he totally changed. It was like a switch flipped and he went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. It's very confusing when it happens to you.

Watch out for "soul mates." Usually it's a narcissist mirroring you and making you think they really understand you. Run like hell.

I broke up with my Narcissist about Two months ago. There are plenty of great websites out there regarding dating a "Narc".

Mine was extremely flattering and fawned attention on me in a magical way. There at the time you would think intimacy would BUILD, he would withdraw and confuse the heck out of me.

At first, I thought it was him being "scared" of intimacy and that is partly true for some Narcs. If you get too close, you might see their flaws and expose them for their true self. Narcs have to build up this false, perfect, grandiose image of themselves, but they also tend to "morph" into your perfect partner. Then comes the bait and switch.

Learn about terms like "gas-lighting" where they make YOU feel crazy for hearing/seeing/questioning them on ANYTHING. Watch them get ANGRY for you bringing anything up that bothers you about them.

Do not get sick or NEED anything at any time while dating a Narc. You will be downgraded in importance. You will also be told things like "you should have known about....." as if you were supposed to instantly know what pleases/pisses off your Narc partner. My Narc told me that I teased him once, months down the road, and how I should have known that bothered him and to apologize to him for my rudeness. He stated he let it slide, but it still bothered him so he needed to bring it up to show me how wrong I was.

I also learned that Narcs tend to be Sexual Dynamos and will LAVISH affection and pump up your dreams with ideals. (Mine liked to tell me I was his dream girl and he wanted to marry me, but another day would blurt out he hated the concept of marriage). Narcs will have FAKE intimacy in their "language" but unable to carry thru in action. My Narc was extremely affectionate ONLY during sex, but had a hard time with looking me in the eye, holding my hand, or kissing me unless it lead to "getting bizzy".

Narcs DO let their guises slip. Especially if they are mad, they will blurt things out about how they were mistreated or unfairly handled by others. Someone it was ALWAYS someone else's fault! They never say I'm sorry, or feel bad about past choices even if they ADMIT they instigated it!

Look for ACTIONS, not merely words. I also learned one of the BEST "filters" to spot a Narc is to simply ask (As you are getting to know them)..."In what ways, do you feel you need to change or grow?" If someone thinks there is nothing in their life that needs to change or improve...beware! You might just be with a Narc!

Further, if you break up with a Narc, no matter who does the breaking, be prepared for the Narc to try to BOOMERANG back into your life. Take my advice on this please! If you break up with a NARC, go to NO CONTACT asap. Narcs get NASTY when you break up with them. They will let ALL their true colors show and lash out. After time passes, they will try to attempt to contact you again. It will not be pretty! Just save your sanity, and mute, block, ban, delete your Narc.



RMM

Goodness, you just described my sister perfectly. The icing on her cake is that she is also histrionic. She LOVES being the center focus no matter what it takes to put her there. If she is sick, she's the sickest person ever. If she looks good, she is the most beautiful person alive. If she doesn't have your full attention she will get it even if it means throwing a hissy fit. And if you know something she doesn't then you are just a person who "always has to be right". Nobody can be more informed on a subject than she is.

"Also, I think social media provides a venue for <narcissistic> people to project themselves to very large audiences."

My sister has contacted all her friends, ex-friends, my friends, and anyone she can find any connection whatsoever with on Facebook.

I was married to a narcissist.

Things to watch for:

1) Lack of empathy. They are incapable of understanding how other people feel.

2) Lots of interest in talking about themselves and little interest in talking about you. They will give you, your turn but aren't really that interested.

3) Watch for how they act when things don't go they way and they don't get what they want. This is when their true self comes out.

4) If you are down, sick, hurt, etc. they will be annoyed that you are inconveniencing them.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/20/2014 10:46AM by The Oncoming Storm - bc.

The title says it all.

Narcissists will frequently find a way to turn every conversational topic into something about themselves. Politics, the weather, the grocery list...

An example:

"It's probably going to snow this weekend."

"I knowI The snow will be great for skiing. I was going to go last weekend, but I had all this important work to do. I'm a really good skier. You might want to go with me so I can give you some tips. If I'd kept training when I was younger, I might have gone to the Olympics, but then I was busy with all my honors classes because I really wanted to go to Princeton. My biochemistry classes at Princeton were amazing: I published my first academic paper in my first year of grad school..."

(The last sentence is probably a lie. You will learn later that he barely passed chemistry at Princeton and fabricated his Ph.D.)

If you make a simple observation about the weather, for example, "Gee - the sky looks heavy and dark. I bet it's going to snow."

He might turn on you with a sneer and say, "So, who appointed YOU to be the chief meteorologist??"

Stuff like that coming out of the blue when you are just making a simple, impersonal observation - that can wear you down after a while. You learn to censor yourself before you open you mouth, wondering how he might take it, how he could turn it around on you, and ultimately, whether it is even worth it to make the remark.

It has taken me YEARS to be more spur-of-the-moment in conversation with my husband, without double-and triple guessing how he might take what I say.

The most common thing is that their 'talk' doesn't meet their actions. Narcissists often use excuses for your needs but demand their needs must be met (they have excuses for why their needs are more important than yours).

Basically you're constantly being sold on a false bill of goods. Narcissists love future-talk because the never have to back it up now.

Narcissists are great at exploiting people and are secretly proud of it. Watch how they treat others and you'll start to see people that really don't like them for no discernible reason. That's because they've caught on to them.

Narcissists make enemies, and are often rather loud about their innocence, and express confusion as to why people aren't falling for their BS.

The real story is always withheld. Find perspective from other people and see what they say about them. Narcissists want to isolate their victims so they can't get the full story.

That's true, narcissists are users of others, and think they're entitled to everything. They also blame everyone but themselves when things go wrong, and are great at gaslighting. I know from experience, as my ex-husband did all those things and he was a major narcissist.

+1 on all of these

Sure sounds like the same song and dance.

Are "soulmates" ALWAYS narcissists? Either one or both of them?

I feel like it's possible.

anongirlyes Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Are "soulmates" ALWAYS narcissists? Either one or
> both of them?
>
> I feel like it's possible.

Absolutely not!!! "Soulmates" (as we presently refer to this kind of relationship in our culture) are real, and they DO happen to SOME people, SOME of the time.

In addition: because of films, magazine articles, advice entertainers (especially on shows geared towards a female audience), literature, and popular music (etc.), it happens, in OUR society, that people who are personality disordered in different ways, can (and DO!!!) easily learn, from popular culture, to IMITATE "being" a "soulmate." (This subject has been studied by academics, medical professionals, etc.) It has to do with getting a read on the other person, and then aping whatever that person truly yearns for. Many people (both genders) are able to IMITATE this other person's most desired "perfect mate," and they are often able to keep up the pretense for the period of time necessary to ensnare the other person emotionally, physically, financially, legally, etc. Once the other person has BEEN ensnared, then the pretense is dropped, either suddenly or gradually--and is revealed as a false persona.

Infatuation and real romantic love both present as the "same" thing for the first six-to-twelve months of a close relationship (assuming that the people involved spend enough time together). However, infatuation (whether "innocent" infatuation, or personality-disordered infatuation) will start to fade with the more time spent together.

Infatuations fade away "quickly" (within that six- to twelve-month period, assuming that the two people spend enough time together).

In REAL LOVE (i.e., what most people often call a "soulmate" relationship), not only do the "in love" feelings NOT fade...they deepen and intensify...and for all of the rest of those two people's lives.

REAL LOVE/"soulmate" relationships VERY seldom fade away or get bad. (The exceptions occur when one or both people are psychologically immature--and the immaturity overcomes the love.)

But if both people are at, or above, a necessary threshold of normal emotional maturity, real love/"soulmates" NEVER "go away"--they just get better and better and better for all of the rest of those people's lives.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 08/20/2014 06:08PM by tevai.

Your date takes phone calls during a romantic dinner.

You have to leave messages, but you're expected to answer every call.

The narcissist has to be the driver.

You have to watch movies you don't like.

You have to convert to your date's religion.

Just ask, "are you a narcissist?"

http://www.livescience.com/47197-narcissists-admit-to-it.html


And believe them if they say yes.

I was going to wright my life story to display I'm a narcissist by using the discription posted through the replies above especially if I feel the need to always drive ((dammit it's my car deal with it!!)I'm still got old school in my vains and I will drive during the date)) till I read that link. Makes a world of a difference having a little defining references not just blowing smoke.

If they are wooing new supply (or trying to get old supply back), they can be very charming, romantic, and sweet -- and great at hiding their real selves -- up to a point.

I dated a narc for a year before we married; I thought I knew him. After the ceremony, he became controlling, angry, demanding, impatient, entitled, paranoid, suspicious, moody, passive-aggressive, and eventually very contemptuous. Things got worse as time went on.

Red flags:
If they do anything for you, they expect pretty immediate praise, rewards, or something from you in return. If they don't get it soon, they become cranky.

Watch how they treat other people, especially ones they don't have to be nice to or interested in.

Listen to how much they talk about themselves, what they want, what they think, etc. If, when you talk, they nod, smile, and murmur "Mm-hmm" every so often, they are faking attention. If they do this a lot and haven't the foggiest idea what you said, you have a narc.
Watch to see if they also behave this way with others.

They are experts at everything. They are always right, even if you prove them wrong. If you do prove them wrong, they will accuse you of always having to be right. They expect you to take their advice and bow to their superior wisdom.

They want sex on their terms. They might try to please you, but only to reaffirm to themselves that they are great lovers. They think they're great in bed, no matter how lousy they really are, and expect praise every time.

They think everyone wants them.

I was married to one for almost 10 years and it drained almost every once from me. He proclaimed to all that I was his greatest "accessory" and for years I thought it was a compliment. Unfortunately, every thing revolved around him and appearances.

I now get to stand alone and shine in my own beautiful light.

Look up lovefraud.com. It talks about Sociopaths, but the red flags are the same. Every Sociopath is a Narcisist, but not every Narcisist is a Sociopath.

I was married to one for a long time. Getting away almost cost me my life. Had to give everything up and skip the country for a while to finally get him to stop. sort of. They never really stop.

The best advice I can give you is to listen to your gut. If you get any uneasy feelings around them, don't discount them. Just drop them and run. You don't need a specific reason, just your feelings are good enough to act on. The book 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin deBecker is also good reading. It gives you ways to learn to listen and trust your intuition.

I dated my ex husband for 5 years before we got married. He still changed immediately when we said 'I do'. It was awful, but everything was always my fault. Never said sorry - I had to say it all the time. Even after leaving him, I still apologized to everyone for everything under the sun for several years. I must have been really anoying to be around :)

Anyways, I recommend that site and the book if you want to find out some good info to keep you safe.

Be Careful with This Advice, Though ...

Projecting, is One of The Ways Narcissists can Get Back at you ...

Heck, I've had Exes Practically Convince me, That I was One!