So, my TBM ex wife of less than 2 years is engaged to be married to a new convert in a few months (my oldest son, 18, discovered this via facebook while he and I were on vacation in Europe, but thats another story). My immediate thoughts on the subject are, wow that was fast. My next thought is, even though I have resigned, am I going to have to field a request to allow her to be sealed to this new guy?

If so, I think my response will be something like the following:

"As we are no longer married, and as I am no longer a member of your church, and as this is an issue that your church has decided to impose upon you, it is for you to sort out with them. I am not a party to this issue in any way, and I will not be dragged in to these silly games they are playing with you."

Any thoughts? I don't know how long this guy has been a member, it is possible they won't be temple married, but knowing her, I doubt it.

I love your response. That is perfect. Do it.

The letter won't be coming from your TBM ex. It will be coming from her Bishop. Whether you respond back to him or not makes little difference...in the end the church is going to do whatever it wants.

Unless you planned on getting divorced with strings attached to your TBM ex, just write back that you don't give a $hit, send the letter off, and move on with your life.

If you were paying spousal support her new marriage will relieve you of the obligation.

Now you can take another vacation LOL

That is sometimes true.

But not always.

Yes, if you were married in the temple, the LDS Church, via the local bishop, will send a letter to you asking about your position on the new marriage. This is just a courtesy. You have no power or authority over their choices as you know. You are under no obligation to reply. As noted above, whether you reply or not, won't change the outcome. They will get married as planned.

If you know something factual about either of them that is important, like a criminal record, a legal case pending, fraud, RICO case, bigamy (hehe), for instance, this might be the time to tell the bishop. :-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/17/2014 02:33PM by SusieQ#1.

My parents divorced when I was 14. TBM mother, jack mormon father (returned missionary, of course!).
About 2 years after the divorce, TBM mom meets a gung-ho new convert, and wants to get married in the temple to him.
Inactive dad gets the letter from mom's bishop -- surprisingly honest and respectful, asking for his thoughts on the matter.
Inactive dad shows it to me, tells me he really doesn't care one way or the other (this is when I was still an indoctrinated youth, one year before going on my own mission). So he doesn't respond.

A month later, dad gets a letter saying a church court had been held, he had been excommunicated (for various and mostly unspecified "sins," though it did mention breaking temple convenants -- he *hadn't* cheated on my mother btw). As a result of his excommunication for no good reason, all of his temple ordinances -- including temple marriage to TBM mom, were declared "null and void." Meaning it was as if her sealing to him had never happened, and she was free to be sealed to new gung-ho convert.

The church essentially ignored my inactive dad for 17 years or so, until mom wanted a new sealing, then they lickety-split excommunicated him. I found it troubling even as the TBM that I was, since temple sealings were supposed to be "for eternity." I find it luidicrous and hypocritical now. :)

ificouldhietokolob
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Wow. That was a dirty trick, if ever there was one.

Another Wow! I'd say unbelievable, but with TBMs & TSCC anything they do is no surprise.

I'd reply that you'd like to remain sealed to her! That would really mess with them. ;-)

Out of the blue about a year ago I received a letter from my first wife's bishop telling me my ex wife wanted to get a temple divorce. I wondered and actually hoped she was getting married to get her off my payroll but alas, she didn't get married.

What is up with that? it used to be that a woman must get remarried and sealed to a new man in order to get a temple divorce.

I spoke with the bishop in the hallway at church when I attended a Sacrament meeting with my kids and told the bishop that I considered us divorced when the judge signed our divorce decree some 4 years earlier.

Thanks for all the replies. It will be interesting, that's for sure. :)

When I got the letter from my ex-wife's bishop (I was the one who asked for the divorce) I responded that it didn't matter to me if she got re-married HOWEVER there will be no "sealing" of our children to her new husband. Otherwise I will see them in court.

My ex-wife was married the month after our short divorce was final. Truly amazing.

Oh, she's divorced him after 6 years of being married. Now HE gets to pay her spousal support.

When I received an email from my ex-husband's bishop, asking for my comments, I replied in a similar vein. I emailed something along the lines of "I no longer believe in the Mormon church and this has nothing to do with me. I wish XXXX and XXXX well".

In reality I'd had a huge and conflicted emotional reaction to the email, which came out of the blue with no prior warning, but I figured it wasn't going to show me in a great light if I told them what I really thought.

I sympathize with all of you, who have had to try to figure out the ever-changing temple marriage and divorce rules, that are altered if you have a relative in an important church position. Ificouldhietokolob's wife must have had some CLOUT! My hairdresser who's father was a personal friend of GB Hinckley's, got her temple divorce in two months.

For me, my ex had the GA connection. I was NEVER granted a temple divorce. No, not even when, several years later, I was engaged to a good, faithful TBM, and we had already scheduled a sealing room in the temple. My large football-player cousins tracked down my wife-beater ex, and demanded that he fill out the form. My ex was a criminal, yet TSCC needed his judgment as to whether I was faithful to him, whether I wore my temple garments (isn't that ridiculous?), whether I attended church meetings, etc. I guess it was OK that he beat me, repeatedly, for no reason, and put me in the hospital.

When my cousins found my ex, he had been remarried in the temple for two years. He needed no form from me. I was in a polygamous temple sealing, until I finally resigned. I was sure to state that my temple marriage was NULL AND VOID, and I said that my children had nothing to do with the temple, and were not sealed to that thug.

To the end, church leaders said that my children, born 4+ years after my divorce, were automatically sealed to a criminal wife-beater for eternity! Such nonsense! The kids resigned with me.

No, a man does not need any judgment from an ex temple wife, but a woman needs it from her ex temple husband.

I love gettinreal's response, and the others.

We are done with jumping through Mormon hoops!

I would remove the phrase "silly games" as it sounds a little too emotional. This is how I would put it -- "I am no longer a member of the LDS church, so any religious marriage requirements are between my ex-spouse and the church. I wish her well in her new marriage."

Well, I got the letter from the bishop yesterday, sent cerified mail... Oddly, I didn't come on church stationary and the return envelope is hand addressed to his home address. I think that's kind of weird. The letter basically states that my ex is seeking a cancellation of our sealing, and it asks my feelings on the subject. It also asks if she is current on any financial obligations required as a result of our divorce. It doesn't state the reason for the request.

I think I will give it a week or so before responding. Evidently it is the case that even though I resigned, they still think I have skin in the game.... they really don't get it. I don't think I should have to respond at all to the second part of the letter, as any financial obligations (there aren't any, but they don't need to know that) are between me and her. If they don't trust her answer, that is too damn bad.

And in regards to the first part.... It just gets under my skin that they can't figure out that I am NOT A MEMBER!! How can I be "sealed" to her if: 1- don't believe the BS 2- am NOT a member any longer Idiots.

I guess I will respond as follows:
"As I am no longer a member of your church, any religious marriage requirements are between my ex-wife and the church. Neither am I obligated to disclose any financial standing between her and myself. I wish her well in her new marriage."

I am a male exmo, was married in temple, marriage annulled shortly after I left church 14 years ago, no kids.

Year 10 or so after leaving, got a letter from ex's then-bishop, sent to three or four different addresses I might be reachable at, via certified mail. It didn't directly ask for my consent, but I wrote back and gave it anyway. I was cordial but reminded him the marriage had been annulled (between the lines, it'll have said, pretty much, "this adult is free to make her own choices and doesn't need my permission to do so").