I was eating lunch alone the other day as I travelled through a city I'd never been to, about 50 miles from my town. I overheard a truly cringeworthy conversation between two Mormon men and their wives (I knew they were Mormon because they prayed to HF at the beginning of their meal). One was saying 1) that if a man didn't fall in love with and propose to a young woman within 3 MONTHS of meeting her/going on their first date, he never would, and 2) if that man knew that a woman was the 'one,' he would chase her no matter what she said/did/no matter who else she was dating, until he 'got' her.

I was completely dumbfounded--he was actually arguing that women who hadn't gotten a ring in 90 days should move on and assume the dude didn't love them. And the second thing he brought up--hello, major consent issues?! He's basically advocating stalking as the 'right' of men who decide unilaterally that a woman is 'theirs.' So creepy. The women were agreeing like that would be so romantic. It literally gave me the chills and I wrapped up my lunch as quickly as possible.

Yuck. That is pretty freaky. Ew.
As a feminist, and a lady, i find this completely disgusting amd creepy..
Thank goodness im out!

Damn, I dated my wife for three years before we married. I couldn't help having to go fight in a war during that time so we might have gotten married sooner, but three months is not enough time to get to know someone well enough for marriage.

Both of these guys are REALLY scary...

:(

I visit taught a law students wife in the 70s. She was so happy her husband picked her out of the ward when he came home from his mission.
She said she'd been awkward and had no self confidence as a woman/teenage girl. She was not an acceptable member of the 'cool' group of Young Woman s at church. She' been marginalized by the members.

He dated her, and did a total makeover of her. He taught her how to dress, walk, sit, stand, and other 'social graces'.

His family helped her become what their ideal of a proper middle class lady should act like.
She wasn't working class, she just didn't know how to do a lot of things because she'd been raised in a Mormon home where women were not important.

She was so happy he'd picked her. It was as romantic as Cinderella to her.

But she didn't have the inner strength of confidence Cinderella had. When Cinderella had the goods; dress and transportation, she had NO trouble blending into the Prince's Ball as a lady. Shed didn't need lessons in deportment.


I'm wondering if the lady ever learned to have a thought of her own and if her lawyer husband got mad about her trying to be her real self. Maybe he buried it.

It was so dysfunctional!

"Marry them young, and raise them with your kids!"



I feel it is wrong how so many people are taught to get along until they marry and then think they can 're-make' their spouse to suit them.

She wants him to wear a tie and like watching chick movies with her. He wants her to wear make-up and skirts all the time, etc.

Nothing wrong with learning social courtesies and graces; More people SHOULD know these things, but from your description, she sounds like a pretty candy shell that's hollow.

Class isn't just about how you look.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2014 09:34AM by Itzpapalotl.

I knew people with that "Makeover Mentality." One was a girl who married a taciturn cowboy, thinking she could turn him into a romantic, Romeo who wanted to talk about his feelings and would be given to grand romantic gestures. They are still together but both seem starved - her for romance, him for quiet and peace.

Another was a guy friend of my sister, highly intelligent, who married about the dumbest blond I'd ever met. Everyone in the ward was wondering how he could marry such an airhead but he just didn't have the self-confidence to marry someone who could keep up with him - he wanted to be a hero who'd groom a girl who was dumb enough to adore him. They went through a really rough patch too, until one of them figured out the problem and she went back to school and started a career. Turns out she wasn't naturally dumb, just had never been encouraged in Mormon culture to develop her intellect and once she realized how becoming her own person would help her marriage, she really blossomed.

But you just can't marry someone hoping to change them or quickly, like in the OP, hoping that if your spouse has the minimum requirements (LDS) then you can change or control everything else and all their choices. It's why so many Mormon marriages are just enduring to the end.

Standing behind a couple of UVU coeds I heard coed 1 telling coed 2 about a young man she was dating. She was telling her friend how much fun they had, how kind and considerate he is, etc.

Coed 2 interrupted with "Never mind about all that.....can he take you to the temple?"

Just what the world needs--more men thinking that if you are really pushy, never give up, and border on stalking is the way to a win a woman.

How much longer before someone in the Mormon church looks up the words boundaries in the dictionary? And maybe they could look up the meaning of "having some class" while they have the pages open.

remaking someone....?!? that's very creepy and sounds ripe for abusive situations.

Im just glad I'm gay.

Dating is different than I thought it would be, but it is nice not having gender play a role in things.
I mean we're both guys, so all the things the "guy" does we both do and all the things the "girl" does we also both do.

It's neat.

Anyway, mormon dating fucking sucks

What makes this "Mormony" is the setting of hard and fast
rules. Not letting each situation be evaluated on a
case-by-case basis but THREE MONTHS (not TWO, and not FOUR).

Also the idea that if you think you're right then no normal
social rules apply to you (i.e. pursue her no matter what she
says).

VERY Mormony.

conflict?

I believe people should be OPEN to some 'fine-tuning' to make a relationship/partnership/marriage work in a healthy, loving situation, Both of them, that is.