Hello, this is my first contribution, I am currently A pretending mormon. My parents are TBM and know about my feelings for the church but still make me go to the many hours of church activities and classes (as I am a minor and still living in their house.) Is there anything anyone can suggest to help them relize I need to make my own decisions. I really need help. Mormonism keeps taking me over, almost brainwashing my with its constant indocterination, I have lost important relationships and my personal sense of being because of this religion that I can't even leave until I'm completely independant. if anyone has advice please help

Too many in your situation antagonize their parents and suffer for it. You can drag your feet, miss meetings when you can and give them hints. It's usually better to complete the break when you're out on your own.

Some fanatical parents make kids attend meetings with the bishop or cut of support if they refuse to participate in Mormonism.

I quit at age 16 and was sorry for it. I had to live in a war zone and cook the Sunday dinner and do all of the clean up every week as punishment for refusing to attend with the family. My mother was mean and hateful to me all week in anticipation of the weekly Sunday fight.


Seriously, unless your parents are more accepting and reasonable than mind, don't chance it.

Read and play games during your meeting time if you can. That might help.

I figured it wasn't worth the fight to force the kids to church. I figured gaining a testimony was a personal thing and since I had exposed them to the church throughout their development that it was God's time to work on them.

New Order Mormon forum (website) may have some good advice on living with TBM (true believing members) family members.

Reading about successful people (biographies) may help balance your reading material.

www.archive.org has scanned texts that are downloadable as well as audio books. I personally like to listen to old radio programs and some of the radio broadcasts to the troops during world war two (search in Audio link: AFRS)

When Teenagers in TBM households sound rebellious to believing parents may try harder to get teenagers to obey. TBM parents have been conditioned to see their world view as dictated by "the brethren" and cannot understand another view.

If you are in high school, talk to counselors to have a plan for additional training or schooling for job skills and available finding.

please use incognito in your browser or clear history when you visit sites that parents would not approve of - like this site.

It's really quite hard to give solid advice in situations like this sweetheart. It depends on so much.
What your relastionship with your parents is, how hardcore mormon they are, what their parenting style is, how well you communicate with eachother etc.


But bottom line, without knowing all the ins and outs of you and your family, you ARE a minor, and you are living in their house. So they do get to make the rules.

it is always an idea to try and talk to them. Share you feelings with them, in a nonconfrontational way, and hope they will cut you some slack, or at least give you time to figure things out for yourself. But I don't know if you have that kind of relationship with them.
Maybe you can compromise with them. Tell them you need some space to find your own faith, and would it be ok if you went to sunday meetings but not weekday activities, or the other way around... ?

If talking with eachother about this is not an option then you really don't have much choice but to 'ride it out' until you can move out on your own.
Many times, it is easier to just bide your time and come out with your relationship intact, than it will be to start a war and end up hurt and alone.

Do as little as you can without antagonizing your parents. Keep the peace as much as you can and pick your battles carefully.


It must be really hard for you and I"m sorry you have to go through this.
We'll be here to give you a little bit of support and lots and lots of information.

Hang tight.

Thanks for the advice, I try my best to reed the bible and drown out the teachings during church and seminary but i think ive met a dead end. i cant go anywhere in life because the sole purpose of my life is already determined for me. Im caught in what seems like perpetual depression and it doesnt seem like theres a way out (at least for another two years)

Two years seems like forever now. I'm sorry for you pain. That's exactly how I felt at about your age.

You might take some comfort in knowing you found out early. That proves how smart and insightful you are in this area. Many people who post here feel that Mormonism robbed them of decades of their life. They wasted time going on missions. They married TBMs and it didn't work out. They have children and they feel guilty for indoctrinating them into a cult.

At least you can avoid many of these problems because you are finding your truth at such a young age. You're suffering depression and that's very hard for you. I was so delighted to finally be free to leave in early adulthood. The sadness lifted and I was walking on air, thrilled, satisfied and happy whenever I thought about it for months. Life fell into place and I've lived my own life for 50 years Mormon free since then.

Good luck to you. It's hard but you can do this. You have courage to see through a cult and think that means you have courage to live through this difficult time.

Find a hobby where you can be at peace with your thoughts. Perhaps kite flying, bird watching, or hiking. Nature, music and art can heal and renew a flagging spirit.

Good luck.

When I found out the church was a lie i was already an adult with kids. I didn't really (and still don't) believe the Bible, but at least it is the centre of Christianity. knowing the Bible, even if it's bullshit too, is important and really broadens your background. It is really important just as part of your 'social religion', and may give you some solace. Long before i quit the church I trashed the book of Mormon and used only the Bible for my lessons and no one noticed. Mormons are not plugged in to anything, let alone to their own beloved religion. so relax and back off and be cheerful and no one will notice. If you have a chance to talk in church or teach a class or lead in some way just do your own thing and do it cheerfully.No one will notice. Then when you have the opportunity, run like hell and do not look back.

When I was still living at home, I got a part time job during school so I usually had to work on week nights (or could use homework as my excuse not to go to YW's) and gradually started getting scheduled on most Sundays.

I'm not sure if your parents would allow that, but in the near future it gets you away from home during church meetings, and long-term it would allow you to start saving up money and maybe meeting future roommates.

Your parents need to re-read the 11th Article of Faith, which says that Mormons believing in allowing everyone the freedom to choose their own objects and methods of worship.

thank you for the support and advice, I hope I can find some balance soon but im just happy that there are people out there who feel the same and are willing to support me

Come vent whenever you need to. We will help you counterbalance the brainwashing.
If you have a tablet or smartphone, you can use the church WiFi. Password is Pioneer47, sometimes without the capital P, lowercase instead.

You are not alone. Lots of minors figure it out, but unless you are prepared to emancipate yourself, you have to smile and nod and try to remain on reasonable terms with your family.

If you feel like making waves, you can study up counter points to the weekly lesson plan and bring things up in class. If you are persistent, you may get kicked out of seminary!

Hang in there, consider this next two years to be serving a mission in a foreign land. You are amongst a people with strange, strict customs. Get as much as you can out of the experience, and make your plans for when you turn 18. Get a part time job, save your money for your day of freedom.
Hopefully your parents will respect any money you save. They have to be custodians of your bank account as a minor, and getting them removed promptly at 18 is very important.

Many of us have been in your shoes, and there is an authentic life waiting for you when you don't have to obey, Obey, OBEY, anymore.

Hmmm. Advice. Go along to get along until you can be independent. Everyone has "house rules" no matter who they are or where they live at some point in their life. Some of them don't always appeal to us.
Do the minimum, compromise, work out some "deal": instead of this, I'll do this. Then keep your word.
Secondly, be kind, loving and cooperative. Attitude will sink you. Refrain from rocking the boat.
It's more common than not for minors/teenagers to be at odds with their home environment - it's the normal way things work as it's a growing time of experimenting.

Hang in there. Look for the positive, anything you can learn that is helpful and particularly pay attention to Universal Truths.

Use the next 24 months for preparations to make your move.

Keep your grades up and apply for college if possible.

Getting a part time job would not hurt either.

If you can, make friends with non-Mormons so you have a place to stay once you hit 18

The next 24 months will go by quickly, put the time to good use.

I was in your position about a year ago. I'm lucky to have parents that didn't kick me out of the house when I told them.

It was really hard because many of my relationships died or became strained, and church became really boring, but it was totally worth it because I started to live authentically and was able be honest with myself and others. You can't really call people your friends who are just there because for you because you are part of the same cult.

You may be able to leave. If you think your parents may be understanding.

Now I'm at UC Davis and my TBM parents are even helping me pay for tuition.

As for the brainwashing, just think about the talks they give, and analyze them thoughtfully. For example, say they give a talk about lds views on salvation. Is salvation by works consistent with the bible? Pretend you're debating the speaker. When they claim to know the book of mormon is true by the spirit of God, or know TSSC is true through personal experience, ect. try to find flaws in the argument instead of passively listening if that's what you're being coerced to do.

3 hours a week isn't a big deal if you're in highschool and you need to do it to keep your parents happy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2014 06:14PM by celloman.

My advice to you is to do what is expected of you and fly under their radar. Use the next two years to work, save money, and plan for your future. Don't let them bully you into a mission. Have enough money saved up so that you have choices.

thatsosirisnotabraham I feel ya. I remember asking my parents if I could no longer attend seminary. The thing was is I was a TBM but I was always getting in arguments with Seminary teachers over "false Teachings" that they would present. But of course I lived under there roof and needed to go. The worst was early morning seminary because I went to a charter school one year and they did not have a seminary building. When it comes to situations like this I would ask people who you may know that had success in convincing there folks on not forcing them to attend. What would your parents do that while at church activities you question everything openly and become a burden on those who are teaching to the point they start embarrasing your folks and they no longer want you to go. I realize once I tell people how I really feel about the church they dont even attempt to invite me or preach because they know I will become super defensive on my position. Also sometime I do know that some parents will be ok with you not going if you decide to attend another church. while they feel strongly the LDS church is the most true, that at least your trying to get some Jesus in ya. Find one where you can play on your phone or read the whole meeting or one thats actually quite interesting lol.

Fake it till you make it. Try not to create waves that will just make you seasick.

Work and save your money. Put your money where only you have access to it. Don't give anyone including parent the ability to punish by theft.

Patience. You'll be out in the blink of an eye You lucky b-tard!

Wish so bad I would have found out while young like you. Lucky, lucky, lucky!

P.S. you prayed about it and YBU is not for you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2014 07:37PM by AmIDarkNow?.