Posted by:
searching27
(
)
Date: March 19, 2011 11:00AM
So some of you will remember a couple of years ago when I felt like I was having baby fever. You know everyone around me was having babies. And that, I felt, was a normal thing and as quickly as it came it went away and has stayed away.
In the past I haven't had the best pregnancies and we had a child who passed after birth due to birth defects.
Well, despite our efforts(birth control, condoms, etc)... I find myself pregnant. While everyone who does know, expects me to be excited(except for dh, we would like to be excited but we aren't for a few reasons... A) this wasn't planned, we have been happy with 3 children and B) the birth defect possibility.)... I am not. Neither is my husband. This is a really nerve wracking time for us. I am now in my 14th week. And we haven't really told anyone because, like with all my pregnancies there is a chance this baby could have the birth defect our child who passed did. So it is nerve wracking. We considered an abortion. And while I fully support anyone one's right to choose, mine included, I couldn't actually bring myself to actually do it without knowing if this baby will have it or not.
But this week we have an ultrasound that will tell us if everything is ok with the baby. If it is we will obviously continue on with the pregnancy, and I do want to say this pregnancy has been complication free and I am in good health, so it wasn't like a couple of years ago when it was risky to my health to be pregnant.
Anyway, my MIL called yesterday to see how things were going (and most of you know my in law situation is NOT a good one, they are controlling, rude, intrusive and overly opinionated when it comes to our lives and "lack of religion") she was going on and on about how this is heavenly fathers way of telling us to come back and they have been praying and KNOW this baby WILL BE FINE. And that will be a "testimony" to us. *sigh*
I told her "I feel things will be ok too, BUT, if this is a pregnancy like with our son, we will not continue on with the pregnancy like we did the last time. It was to painful and we very naively, due to our beliefs and familial pressures at the time continued on with it and I became VERY ill. So we will be ending this pregnancy if we get the same diagnosis as with our son"
Her response????? "Well if you two feel you could live with that decision of ending a life like that."
The problems that go along with that birth defect cause the baby to literally be a vegetable from day one and their heart goes into heart failure, there is kidney failure and many more problems. All of that stuff happens while in utero and most babies end up being still born, and those who aren't are on ventilators immediately and stay that way. And it isn't a maybe this will happen( it isn't like the cystic fibrosis or down syndrome testing that could be wrong) it happens while in utero and you see it on the ultrasound and there is no fix or maybe the reading isn't correct.
I am upset. And I know I may face criticism from some of you. But you aren't in my position. And I never really wanted to have 4 kids. But I am doing my best. And I know (if the baby is healthy) that I will be happy and love it like no ones business :) It just wasn't what we were planning on. Oh and btw... DH is getting a vasectomy and I finally got a doctor to agree to tie my tubes... his reasons?? I am almost 30.... well shit now I feel old and nervous and tired. And I feel like I have no one to turn to. So I am coming here... I hope.... that you will be kind with me in your judgments(if you choose to make one) and comments.
Like I said it isn't like we were being irresponsible and not using protection or trying to get pregnant. I have been trying to get a doc to tie my tubes for over a year and a half now. *Sigh* So anyway.....
I wanted to post as anon, but I won't because you guys are where I get some of my best advice, best laughs and lots of support.