We all know how mormon funerals tend to be, but to add to my anxiety, the last time I was in a mormon church building was about 7 years ago and the last time I stepped foot in a non-mormon church was over a year ago and I had a full-on panic attack.

I am lucky that I have a good (although slightly superficial) relationship with my extended family, and can't even think about not attending the funeral, but I am worried that I'll have another panic attack.

Is there anything I can do to lessen the chances of freaking out?
(Or do I just figure that at least if I'm crying and shaking it will look more normal at a funeral than at a baby dedication like last time?)

I was in a similar situation years ago.

My view of LDS Inc was far less panic and more anger.

We have a ceremony we have to go to in the coming weeks, it will be held at the local chapel, I have to go and I am also experiencing a lot of anxiety. I am hoping that getting there right before the ceremony start will help that way I can avoid all the unnecessary small talk that fills the emptiness.

Take someone with you? I would think that having someone at your side that thinks and feels about the church like you do will help ground you if you feel the panic attack coming on. Just a thought, though I have no direct experience with this.

As someone who has had panic attacks I would say there is a good chance you won't have one this time because you already know what you are in for so subconsciously you will be prepared.

I'm no expert, but often see some types of common panic attacks as coming on when you feel loss of control. You know what the funeral will be, you know you can get up anytime and leave making an excuse of being overcome or needing to use the rest room or you could just stand at the back. Everyone should be forgiving and understanding at a time of grief. So, with those options you will have some control over the situation.

That makes a lot of sense.

The last time we were running late, I had no idea what to expect, had to sit right up from under the nose of the very animated pastor.

Thanks

Ativan, Valium, or Xanax

Or if legal in your state, indica

I second the valium, Xanax, clonipin. Also, Benadryl in a pinch. That is one of the problems I had at the end of my mo membership is that I was having panic attacks during sacrament meeting. I should feel good when I am at church, not fearful.

Good luck, you will be fine. And being aware that you have had panic attacks will help, like said above.

The old fears can flare up...........but everyone is correct..."YOU are in charge and can weep or walk out for any reason".

Hope you update us here and let us know how you dealt with it.

KJ/AnonyMs

Well I survived. I ended up going with a mix of all the suggestions. I mentally prepared myself all week, got some xanax, and sat near the back chapel doors with DH so I could duck out if needed.

I didn't end up taking the xanax, (but knowing it was in my pocket was good) but I did end up sitting in the foyer during most of the last talk, and the closing song (I know that my redeemer lives) and prayer.

Overall it was a nice funeral, with most of it actually being about my grandpa and his life, with only a few mentions of the gospel thrown in. The new bishop (who looked about 14) didn't know him well, since he hadn't been able to go for The last few years, so he was nice and brief.

After the obligatory funeral potato luncheon, most of the family headed back to his house to help start cleaning it up while there were plenty of muscles in town.

It was there that I got the only direct to me testimony, from my dad. He took me aside as I was tearing up over the house never being Grandpa's again to tell me that they loved me so much and that he believes with all his heart that we will all see each other again in the resurrection.

Even though I don't share his beliefs anymore, I found that right then I was very happy that they are bringing him so much comfort, especially now that he has lost both parents. (but it does add to all the work I am doing in therapy to not constantly feel so guilty for ruining their eternal family)

VERY deep breaths do help. Slowly in and VERY slowly out with each breath. One thing about it being a funeral is that everyone will think you are simply upset. Good luck mate, I know what it is like and I am right with you!

I also send my condolences in the loss of your grandfather.

Don't be hard on yourself. If you show up to the funeral and are only able to stay minutes know that it is the cult who has made it hard on us ex-mos' state of mind, known as unhealthy and powerful indoctrination. It is not something that can just be wished away. It is strong and deadly and very, very intimidating.

You are showing much courage by considering going.

Also, very sorry for the passing of your grandfather.

Funerals suck. Just be yourself. Dying sucks [maybe] (unless you are the one that so called dies - then it might be a relief) for those close to those who leave us.

LDS directed funerals are more about The Mormon Church than the (uniqueness, spirit, magnificence and beauty) wonder of the person who has given up the body for the unknown beyond. It is a combination proselytizing moment, sing more men songs, and preaching about life and "eternity" and love, things Mormonis knows nothing about.

Think or your good ole' (or bad, if he was) Grandpa. Deal with the Mormons. Recover as quickly as possible.

Hang in there

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather. I agree with fluhist that you should try taking deep, slow breaths. Get enough oxygen in your system. Also, you might consider taking some pictures with you of people, pets, and places that bring a smile to your face or that you find comforting. Failing that, keep those people and places tucked away in your mind as being "safe places" that you can go when feeling stressed. If you have an MP3 player, put some soothing music on it and take it along with some earphones. I also like the idea of seeing your physician for a small prescription of Valium or another similar medication.

Allow yourself the guilt-free allowance to leave the ceremony if you're feeling that panicky feeling. It's okay to step out and collect your thoughts, or bring a photo or other momento to focus on to calm yourself down. I don't recommend the idea of an MP3 player, unless you'll be excusing yourself from the ceremony... as that's as disrespectful as bringing in a cell phone.

If others have a problem with how you express and try to carry your emotions through a funeral, that's their problem, not yours.