I guess I need to get working on it.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 would be Hinckley and Monson, and Joseph Smith, as the Cat, would run off with little Sally....and her mother.

I would love to write "the cat who looks in the hat"

The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold, wet day.
I sat there with Emma.
We sat there, we two.
And I said, “How I wish
We had something to do!”

Too wet for a ball,
Too wet for a bat.
So we sat in the hall
And looked into my hat.
Although it was dark,
Much too dark to see,
I began to embark
On a great fantasy.

Someone else take over,
I messed up the pattern.
My astrology's wrong,
the moon must be in Saturn.

Your stuff is very funny

That was so great
Thanks for the rhyme
Old Joe really knew how
To use up his time,
In finding just what
Would con women and men
And eventually get
young girls in his bed.

Ol Joe had an issue.
For girls he did hanker.
For more than just Emma
To service his wanker!

"What shall I do?
Oh what can I write?"
He pondered this problem
Long into the night...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2014 10:22PM by The StalkerDog™.

The Rock in the Hat
I like it I do
Said Joe out loud
Into his shoe

What an Idea!
How smart I am!
I know it will work
I know it can

I will make millions
I will find fame
People will always
Remember my name

The Rock in the Hat
Is the way to go
Why did I start out
And continue so slow?

Make me a hat Emma!
And make it quick!
Got to get movin'
Get on the stick

The Rock in the Hat
Why I'm smarter than smart
A Master of all
With a very big heart

Why King I'll be
And very soon
Get sewing Emma!
It's almost noon

It will be off the hook
You'll sit in the pew
Two things I will tell you
Lie One and Lie Two
These Lies will not hurt you
We tell them for fun
Then, out of his mouth came
Lie Two and Lie One
They fell on our ears
Till the lying was done...

`
Joe liked to have sex
But the girls found him odd
So he had an idea
"I'll pretend I know god!
I'll look in this hat
Hold some rocks in my hand
Tell the sheep there's an angel
Oh, won't this be GRAND"

So Joe told his tales
About darkies and pales
And some wars that occurred
And some dopes took his word
And he said 'By the way
God said you must pay
Cause your soul you just rent
So I'll take ten percent'

'And while we were talking, that god guy and I,
he told me we'd all get to live in the sky
with a whole bunch of girls who would do what we say
and he said I should start with a harem today'

So Joe looked around at the girls in the town
and chose which ones he would like to go down
and those who objected were reminded that
Joe had been told by the voice in the hat
That he must be obeyed, there should be no more strife
And when Joe said "I want her", you gave him your wife

And Joe kept this up (for the people were stupid)
This make believe guy-in-a-hat-sort-of-cupid
As long as he thought he could, longer than that
Until some of the people said "hey, where's the hat?"
We've taken about just enough of this stuff
And then things got weird and then things got rough
And the next thing you know, Joe got what he deserved
But a lot of his BS was somehow preserved
By another old goat with an eye for the ladies
Who reminded the sheep while there wasn't a hades
They better turn over the women for fun
And reminded them all that he'd soon 'breed 'em young'

Some pretty fun stuff here.

I especially liked;

<And Joe kept this up (for the people were stupid)
This make believe guy-in-a hat-sort-of-cupid>

This described Joe so well - he was a man who made himself into the make believe guy with adoring ladies surrounding him, all the while fooling many of the people he just knew were below him and were also just plain stupid.

How about One Girl, Two Girl, Old Girl, New Girl?
Or Oh The Kingdoms You'll Go! Or Joseph hears a Who?

Then again... some of the actual Dr. Suess titles could work perfectly without changing them...

The Pocket Book of Boners
If I Ran the Zoo
Hop on Pop
My Book about ME
I Can Read with My Eyes Shut!