Last night I dreamed AGAIN that I was serving a second mission...

I went on my mission 20 years ago, and it's crazy that I still have these dreams today.

I hated being a door-to-door peddler for two years. I am an introvert, and I hated striking up conversations with strangers, knocking on doors, talking people into doing things, insisting, invading people's boundaries. I felt awful everyday. I hated teaching discussions too, I hated it all. But I did it faithfully for two long years.

In my dream last night, I was "serving" with my first companion, who was also on his second mission.

Will I have these bad dreams for the rest of my life?

I hated being on a mission (already knew that none of it was true) and had these kinds of dreams for five years after returning. They were always about having to go on a second mission without any way out.

now, as I go out among the people in my dream, I am also trying to convince my companion how wrong this is. My mind is trying to convince my old companions, who I respected immencely, that they are ignoring the real truth of the matter.

I now wake up with a smile to know that I've got it figured out deep in my soul...so to speak.

It's been 40 years for me, and I occasionally (once a year or so) will have a return-to-the-mission field dream. These dreams were much more frequent and disturbing earlier in life, but like you, life experiences permit me now to frame them within the dream itself and take control of the story.

50 years since my mission, and I had a "missionary" dream a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately it was only a dream and not a nightmare like my actual mission experience.

I still occasionally have dreams of my childhood. In one dream, I was angry at my brother, tried to kick him and literally fell out of bed.

I served a mission 30 years ago and still have a couple of mission dreams/nightmares per year. It's not traumatic or anything, but it's never a good dream. Even before I stopped believing, those dreams were never good dreams.

I had those dreams for more than 20 years until I wrote down my mission experiences--all of them, good, bad, and everything in between. It was hugely cathartic, and the nightmares stopped. I ended up publishing it as a book, which I'm very proud of.

Maybe just taking time to air it all out either by writing it down or sharing it with someone else will help. It did for me.

BTW, I think these nightmares are a symptom of PTSD related to our missions. Therapy helped me, too.

I had the second mission dreams for at least 25 years or more after. It's been a long time now since I had one. Knock on wood.
I hated them. I would wake up so upset and then so relieved it was only a dream.

On top of that I had Satan dreams for about that long too. The devil would be after me and I knew I had to command him to go away in the name of Jesus Christ like I had been taught in church but of course with the sleep paralysis you can't make your mouth work or even run so I would wake just as he got me--usually with my partner shaking me and actually tired of me yelling in my sleep.

The dreams are part of the parting gifts the church gives you.

I left the church forty years ago without knowing any of the "anti" stuff. I had no way to process it all and just buried it and only unearthed it about five years ago and began dealing with the scars. I wrote a very long detailed exit story which was really the story of my entire life. That's when the dreams stopped for me.

By the way runtu's book is amazing as is Raptor Jesus' book which are both about missions. They might give you ideas on how to bring it all to the surface.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2014 10:23AM by blueorchid.

I could have written this! I have that same dream about every other month! I'm married, I have kids, I can't be on another mission... UGH!!!

Imagine a slightly different scenario where Mormonism made you so lonely even in a room full of Mormons that you longed for a second mission just so you could talk with nonmembers again and feel something different than the need to look perfect. That's brain washing whose roots run deep.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2014 10:35AM by colddodger.

I could have written your post only I was there 37 years ago. Usually I have that SAME dream once every two weeks, and have since I got home. I saw a therapist and felt like I was over the mission trauma but the dreams continued. It sucks.

Same here. Been home 47 years. Now the dreams include me being on another mission but I am not wearing the silly underwear while everyone else is. Sometimes I am naked looking for clothes to wear and all the missionaries are trying to re-convert me. Bizzaro stuff but when when I wake up and calm down, I find it rather laughable that the cult still has this much impact on me.

I am SOOO Through with the cult and it's people. I would rather be alone in the desert than associate with those who have given away their power (and life) to guidance from outside sources. Living among humans who think for themselves is quite refreshing!

Maybe we should start a new website where we post the details of our "on another mission dreams." It could be somewhat cathartic, (and probably funny) to see that we are not alone.

The cognitive dissonance and the stress including but not limited to; a-hole mission presidents, brown nosing two faced APs, disconnection from normal friends family and life, and sickness, produces lots of undiagnosed PTSD.

I was going crazy when I got back. Went up to BYU and made out with the willing coeds. But I was hurting inside, and my insides have never been right since.

The Mission dreams/nightmares stopped for me when I resigned from the cult. Have not had them since.

Me too. Forty-seven years later.

Me too..30 years later. I also am serving a 2nd mission and I am absolutely miserable and wanting to leave, but can't for some reason. I wake up in a cold sweat.

Wow, I thought I was the only one...seems a lot of us have the same issue.
I'm no psychologist, but there's *got* to be some basis for so many of us having our subconscious drag up these traumatic experiences over and over again...

I only have them about once every two years now, they've lessened significantly in the last 10 years (got off my mission late 1980). They were always *very* similar, though, every time I'd have one: back in the mission field, usually tracting or riding my bike through the cobblestone streets of a French city (where I went) -- and always not quite being able to get where I'm trying to go, and being *very* frustrated.

My only other "regularly repeating" dream involves dreaming I'm back at a company I worked for 14 years ago (for 10 years), which I *thoroughly* enjoyed and kinda wished I'd never left. Unlike the mission dreams, though, these are always quite pleasant, and involve kind of a "wow, it's so nice to be back" feeling. The mission dreams are the opposite, always a "wow, how do I get out of this" feeling!

I got home in 1967. I probably went 20 years without "the dream" but then I started having them about twice a year. I had emerged clean and pure from the waters of Atheism by then and in the dreams I knew I was Atheist, they knew I was Atheist, but they still were sending me. That was the gist of the dream, explaining why I shouldn't be sent, being told they were cool with it and then looking over a map of Mexico so we could decide where I'd serve. Every time except once (that I can remember) the dream would end as we (me and very nebulous others) were looking at the map, but one time I was at the border, trying to find a ride across this long bridge... I woke up before I could get into Mexico.

I haven't had "the dream" for at least eight years now. But it never bothered me to have it; real life is weirder...

When I do have them, I am relieved because I already know the language, and I'm excited because I want to go back and do all the things I was forbidden to do.

But then I remember that I have a companion to convince. And, strangely enough, a wife and kids that are somewhere else.

It's bizarre.

32 years later for me. They happen rarely now, but they're usually the same.

I'm on my 2nd mission, but this time I've been out 3-4 years. Everyone else gets to return home after 2, but the church has some sort of stop-loss on me and I can't leave.

It sucks, but it's no worse than my regular nightmares. Most often, those are from school, where I have one course left to graduate, the final's today, and I've never been to class or read the text. Oh yeah, and I've failed the course three times already, and this is my last chance.

I still have those "missionary" dreams too though they've decreased in frequency after I left the Church.

Even nevermos have some variation of the school dream. I had it every year before the start of classes and I was a good student.

I think that people have recurring dreams for situations that caused them anxiety. That's the reason that you might have a dream about school for decades after you graduated.

One idea might be to give yourself a suggestion just before you drop off to sleep at night. Say to yourself, "If I have a dream about a mission, I will know that I am dreaming." Do it enough and you will awaken within your dream. Then you can take control of it.

I used to have these dreams that I was going on a second mission about once every two years or so for the past 30 years. Each time I feel trapped and go, even thought I don't want to go. Four years ago, that dream happened again. I remember in that dream thinking, I've had my name removed from the church records and no one seems to care. I wonder how long this can go on without everyone I know finding out. Since that time I've made it clear to my friends and family that I see the church as a cult. Then two years ago I had that dream again. This time instead of feeling like a prisoner I said to myself "... really? The church leaders in Salt Lake want me to represent them? Oh.. this is gonna be fun" (two years of fulltime telling people how the church is a cult). I was in complete control. I don't expect that dream to ever return again.

When I founded this site 18 years ago I thought I was the only one to have these nightmares, Being a introvert made the experience painful and I left the mission feeling a complete failure. I have some archived threads on this topic. I am currently sitting at the Baltimore airport and will look those up when I get home. It will be nice to to sleep in my own bed for a couple of nights then on the road again. Sigh,,,,

So you're in my neck of the woods. :) I'm sure it will be nice for you to get back home again. Maybe you can pick up a crab cake sandwich to eat on the plane?

During my 30 years with the Federal Government, I worked in one office that was ruled with an iron fist by a woman I still think of as The Manager from Hell.

I still have nightmares about her, and I worked for her in the early 1980's. She died in 1999.

I asked a friend of mine recently whether she ever had nightmares about that office. She still does, too.

Both of us are retired, happily married, and generally enjoy the lives we lead now. But we have not recovered from the abuse we suffered in that horrible woman's office.

I think it's safe to say that horrible experiences leave scars on your soul.