This is hard to talk about, even anonymously, but I could use some good advice.

About eight months ago, I had a clear recollection of my father sexually abusing me. Over the next weeks, a lot of repressed memories surfaced and so many things fell into place. Needless to say, I have a lot of hallmarks of a sexually abused child - difficulty maintaining a job, failure of relationships, persistent and undiagnosed stomach problems, etc. My list of symptoms is fairly comprehensive in hindsight.

This revelation was and is so gruesome my mind pushes it away. It's a hard reality to deal with. I questioned whether or not these repressed memories could be true because they were so awful. Then I found a piece of child pornography my father made of my sister.

I've had a lot of financially difficulty not to mention profound suffering because of the fall out of my father's actions. Do you think litigation is a sane response or should I let things be?

I think counseling is your first step. You need to be able to face up to the memories/reality, and fix your own life, before you can even consider calling your dad to account.

My $0.02.

First step is to get some counseling/therapy to deal with the memories and how firm they are. This will take some time. But it's necessary.
Not wise to call your dad into account until you have done the counseling and have some firm information.

I personally treat repressed memories with a high degree of skepticism. But what I would do is to turn the child pornography in to the police and let them deal with it.

It depends in which state the crime occured, and what the laws were at the time of the crime.

In my state, there is no statute of limitations on rape, but in others the clock starts running from your first report.

If you are just beginning to remember, I agreee that counseling is your first step. You would need to be solid in giving testimony, and be able to speak candidly about the events and details.

There are survivors' support groups that are free to attend, and there will be people there who can help with answers and resources.

Have you talked to your sister about this?

www.rainn.org

I am so very sorry. How did this new memories come about? What happened to trigger them. Have you written them out (so no subsequent discussion about what happened will get mixed up with your own memory).

The first thing to do is to talk with your local police, who may suggest you wire yourself up to talk with your dad about what you are remembering. Some people don't do this until after they have had therapy. But without a police report and investigation, or your father's confession, it will be really hard to prove anything. They may also suggest you speak with other family members who might have known or who might have been victims.

I can tell you that if a jury hears that you get new memories and sued your dad, and it was when you needed money, it will be easy for your dad to make the argument that you simply thought of this as a good way to get money.

If you were to see an attorney (which would be important as each state law is different) you will be able to find out whether the statute of limitation has run already --- you many not be able to bring any claims depending on how old you are.

And lets say your father did do this, and you can sue, and you win --- it is probably your mother who will suffer the most, as she will live longer than he will, without the resources they'll spend on attorneys expenses and damages. You may or may not care about its impact on her or other family members. But you do need to realize that court cases take 3-9 years and are a hell of a way to spend a life. You are unlikely to get much money, and at the end, you are also unlikely to perceive the fight as worth your time and the emotion and financial and time drain it has been upon you.

But some people do have outcomes that are an acceptable trade off. And if your father did this, then you owe it to your nieces and nephews and neighbors to tell so that he doesn't have the opportunity to hurt someone else.

I hope you get help (cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR) to fully resolve it so it has no more capacity to hurt you.

I suggest you get counseling with someone who specializes in abuse recovery first. www.rainn.org is a good place to start.

Probably you expected everyone to tell you to get therapy--and this is the best advice!

But, you know that good professional therapy costs money, so you need to figure out a way to pay for it. I don't know where you live, but you can look into local abused women's shelters. If you are a student, your university offers psychological counseling. Contact social services. Maybe your local Bar Association offers pro bono help. Find help! It will be a start, and people can guide you in the right directions.

Yes, a lawsuit is a long and emotionally draining process, and even if you win, your lawyers will probably make as much money as you do. How do you pay attorneys' fees in the meantime?

What are your goals. I assume your primary goal is to recover from the psychological effects of the abuse. You really do need therapy. Reading books on abuse and recovery helps. If you have PTSD, depression, and/or anxiety, you can read about techniques to help you, temporarily, until you recover.

If your goal is to STOP THE ONGOING ABUSE of this monster, then you need to take the pornography to the police, and ask them what to do. Get your sister's permission, first.

My older brother was an abusive pedophile. No one in my family would help me. No one believed me. Abusers can be very manipulative, and they put on a good act of innocence. You must be strong, because you may not get any support from your family members.

I had horrible stomach aches, almost every night. I was extremely underweight, and had dark circles under my eyes. I had facial tics (nervous twitches, like blinking of my eyes, skewing of my mouth) that came and went.

I feel so sorry for you! (((hugs)))

What do you do now? You make it stop, in your own life, here and now, for yourself! This is something within your power, today! Make a promise to yourself that you will not be alone with your father. If you have children, do not let your father get near them. Protect them! I tried to get along with my family, and go to family Christmases, celebrations, summer trips, but my brother was always at the center of all of these, and ugly incidents would occur every time. When he started being abusive to my children, I finally got it! Abusers never stop! It is up to us to stop them! The only way, was for me to cut off all contact with my brother and me and all my children. Since my family wouldn't admit the truth, I had to lie and weasel my way out of things. (I couldn't get off work, the kids had commitments, we had contagious sicknesses, we promised the in-laws we would have Christmas with them, etc.)

I did, and still do, feel that protecting myself and my kids was the right thing to do. But that wasn't enough. I wanted to stop him from abusing others! It was my word against my brother's, and I had no real proof. I warned my niece and nephew, who had children, but they just laughed it off. They thought my brother couldn't control his vulgar talk and actions--much like a person with Tourettes syndrome--and that it was sort of laughable. But, my brother's nastiness was carefully aimed at each of his victims, timed just right, and he pushed different buttons on different people. Such abusers are very calculating and insidious. Anyway, no one believed me. Now, 20 years later, my niece's and nephew's 3 little daughters are in therapy. They have never dated, never had boyfriends, and probably will never marry. Still, no one admits anything was wrong. When my older brother died, he had two lawsuits against him--one for sexually molesting a neighbor, and another for pedophilia. Who knows how many more lawsuits there were, that we didn't know about.

This is why you need to at least try to get the help of the police.

And a therapist.

OP, please realize you do not "NEED" to do anything.

Just start at www.rainn.org.