Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: July 13, 2015 07:38PM
Probably you expected everyone to tell you to get therapy--and this is the best advice!
But, you know that good professional therapy costs money, so you need to figure out a way to pay for it. I don't know where you live, but you can look into local abused women's shelters. If you are a student, your university offers psychological counseling. Contact social services. Maybe your local Bar Association offers pro bono help. Find help! It will be a start, and people can guide you in the right directions.
Yes, a lawsuit is a long and emotionally draining process, and even if you win, your lawyers will probably make as much money as you do. How do you pay attorneys' fees in the meantime?
What are your goals. I assume your primary goal is to recover from the psychological effects of the abuse. You really do need therapy. Reading books on abuse and recovery helps. If you have PTSD, depression, and/or anxiety, you can read about techniques to help you, temporarily, until you recover.
If your goal is to STOP THE ONGOING ABUSE of this monster, then you need to take the pornography to the police, and ask them what to do. Get your sister's permission, first.
My older brother was an abusive pedophile. No one in my family would help me. No one believed me. Abusers can be very manipulative, and they put on a good act of innocence. You must be strong, because you may not get any support from your family members.
I had horrible stomach aches, almost every night. I was extremely underweight, and had dark circles under my eyes. I had facial tics (nervous twitches, like blinking of my eyes, skewing of my mouth) that came and went.
I feel so sorry for you! (((hugs)))
What do you do now? You make it stop, in your own life, here and now, for yourself! This is something within your power, today! Make a promise to yourself that you will not be alone with your father. If you have children, do not let your father get near them. Protect them! I tried to get along with my family, and go to family Christmases, celebrations, summer trips, but my brother was always at the center of all of these, and ugly incidents would occur every time. When he started being abusive to my children, I finally got it! Abusers never stop! It is up to us to stop them! The only way, was for me to cut off all contact with my brother and me and all my children. Since my family wouldn't admit the truth, I had to lie and weasel my way out of things. (I couldn't get off work, the kids had commitments, we had contagious sicknesses, we promised the in-laws we would have Christmas with them, etc.)
I did, and still do, feel that protecting myself and my kids was the right thing to do. But that wasn't enough. I wanted to stop him from abusing others! It was my word against my brother's, and I had no real proof. I warned my niece and nephew, who had children, but they just laughed it off. They thought my brother couldn't control his vulgar talk and actions--much like a person with Tourettes syndrome--and that it was sort of laughable. But, my brother's nastiness was carefully aimed at each of his victims, timed just right, and he pushed different buttons on different people. Such abusers are very calculating and insidious. Anyway, no one believed me. Now, 20 years later, my niece's and nephew's 3 little daughters are in therapy. They have never dated, never had boyfriends, and probably will never marry. Still, no one admits anything was wrong. When my older brother died, he had two lawsuits against him--one for sexually molesting a neighbor, and another for pedophilia. Who knows how many more lawsuits there were, that we didn't know about.
This is why you need to at least try to get the help of the police.
And a therapist.