Posted by:
Elder Berry
(
)
Date: November 26, 2014 07:05AM
roslyn Wrote:
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> I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. There are something you
> can't get over, people say to do therapy,
> sometimes that doesn't help, sometimes you just
> have to live with it. I'm sorry.
Sometimes I forget that being a victim of abuse makes me different than people who aren't victims of abuse.
You are right, I have to live with it. My perp, my father, and my former church all changed my life fundamentally.
So, when an "apostle" says stuff like this I wonder. He probably never was a victim of abuse and doesn't know the life altering effects. A person becomes sensitive to things most people ignore like possibly innocent comments which seem manipulative and loving words from people which we discount or suspect are false as a gut reaction.
"The victim must do all in his or her power to stop the abuse. Most often, the victim is innocent because of being disabled by fear or the power or authority of the offender. At some point in time, however, the Lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility for abuse. Your priesthood leader will help assess your responsibility so that, if needed, it can be addressed. Otherwise the seeds of guilt will remain and sprout into bitter fruit. Yet no matter what degree of responsibility, from absolutely none to increasing consent, the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ can provide a complete cure. (See D&C 138:1–4.) Forgiveness can be obtained for all involved in abuse. (See A of F 1:3.) Then comes a restoration of self-respect, self-worth, and a renewal of life."
"Caution
I caution you not to participate in two improper therapeutic practices that may cause you more harm than good. They are: Excessive probing into every minute detail of your past experiences, particularly when this involves penetrating dialogue in group discussion; and blaming the abuser for every difficulty in your life.
While some discovery is vital to the healing process, the almost morbid probing into details of past acts, long buried and mercifully forgotten, can be shattering. There is no need to pick at healing wounds to open them and cause them to fester. The Lord and his teachings can help you without destroying self-respect.
There is another danger. Detailed leading questions that probe your past may unwittingly trigger thoughts that are more imagination or fantasy than reality. They could lead to condemnation of another for acts that were not committed. While likely few in number, I know of cases where such therapy has caused great injustice to the innocent from unwittingly stimulated accusations that were later proven false. Memory, particularly adult memory of childhood experiences, is fallible. Remember, false accusation is also a sin.
Stated more simply, if someone intentionally poured a bucket of filth on your carpet, would you invite the neighbors to determine each ingredient that contributed to the ugly stain? Of course not. With the help of an expert, you would privately restore its cleanliness."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/healing-the-tragic-scars-of-abuse?lang=engEdited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/26/2014 07:05AM by Elder Berry.