Here is a little background on our situation. Dh, me & our 3 children left tscc 3 years ago after discovering the truth online. After leaving we tried to maintain the relationships with our tbm family members but after about two years of dealing with their poor & awkward behavior toward us we have since distanced ourselves. The relationships use to be great and we saw our tbm family members frequently. We tried to have conversations with some of them about their behavior but they either pretended like they had no idea what we were talking about, blamed it on us (our fault due to leaving) or told us that yes their poor behavior was a reaction to being "uncomfortable around us".

The weird thing is they still ask to come over and visit us when in town or during the holidays. They also keep calling, emailing & texting. I just don't get how they can act that way around us i person & still want to get together. We have been MUCH happier since not seeing them anymore. Another family member just asked if she could bring her family over to our home when she is in town in a couple of months.

I was just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this?

Is it that they expect free bed and board?

No they haven't asked to stay with us yet.

I would say you should bring up their past behavior with them and ask them what they've done to improve their behavior. If they deny what they did or act offended just tell them you'd rather they didn't come it all.

You could also come up with a list of behaviors that won't be tolerated and give it to them before they arrive. Tell them that if they break any of the rules they'll be asked to leave.

I know this all sounds harsh, but there's no reason you have to put up with bad behavior. We teach others how we expect to be treated. I've had to lower the boom on family members myself. They weren't happy about it, but their behavior sure improved!!! No one should be expected to tolerate rude behavior. Doesn't matter one bit if they're family.

Mine do; I encourage it, and we go visit them.

I've been out 34 years. They know I'm never coming back. Efforts to get me to do so effectively ceased 25 years ago. But even while they were trying to get me back, I still had them over for visits, and went and saw them.

They're family. Delusional, deceived, often ignorant, and sometimes downright annoying -- but still family. If nothing else, I'm an example to my (numerous -- they're mormons!) nieces and nephews that you don't have to be a mormon to be happy, have a good solid family, and be kind and joyful. And that paid off in the case of one nephew, who's out.

If you can stand it, welcome them. Be clear about boundaries in your house -- if you don't want any church talk, say so. But welcome them. You're a good example of what I mentioned above.

that's what i thot, too: free lodging. When a good chunk of your cash is given to church, every free place looks good. Even if you make them uncomfortable!


Also there is always the hope that they will have that one divine guidance phrase that they will say to you and you will magically rejoin the church and everyone can live happily ever after.

EXcept you, who would now be in their debt, they having spent that extra time saving you, lol.

Or maybe their kids want to play with your kids and they tell them they'll give you a call to see if it can happen.